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Into the Cave of Symbols and Beyond

To the scattered and beloved spiritual family,

I may have left for the Cave of Symbols. If so, it happened in one session with spirit; thus I had no time to put this on the site afterward. If you wish to know whether it’s actually happened, contact my friend Dawn, msmag@bestweb.net. After I go I don’t expect to be reachable for a time, perhaps six weeks. This is the account of my inner journey to prepare for this event.

This is a time for new and lovely things to come along in life, perhaps previously unimagined. Let your faith be or become strong, let yourself have them!

Love and greatest blessings,

Mysteries remain here, especially the new timeline for Earth, which I also call the “new neuronet,” because how everything will be is not yet fully known. But where I’ve tried to be crystal clear and haven’t succeeded I ask your forgiveness, as I’m not available to clarify. 

Becoming ready to go was hard for me to do. I have come from two thousand years of forgetting my divinity, and lots of misery, straight into a most challenging endeavor. And any of us with an unusual goal must swim upstream against the current of human thought.

Even ten years ago I couldn’t have done it. Energies have accelerated to such speed it’s nearly unbelievable. A Zen master said—eight years ago—that what used to take five years of sincere meditation was now being done in one weekend. And just like computer/smart phone technology, the new healing technologies from spirit have expanded exponentially and helped me leap tall obstacles in a single bound. I don’t know how I could have done without them.

Making my preparation harder have been several unconscious dynamics:
One: a drive to perfection where I assumed I wasn’t good enough and wasn’t doing it good enough and had to keep trying forever.
Two: a sense of unworthiness so deep it was part of my ground of being.
Three: an ancient pattern of yearning for something I would not let myself have. There was an expectancy therefore of wishes fulfilled only in imagination, not in life, and that anyhow I wasn’t good enough to have them.
Four: fear to interact visibly with other dimensions. (The reason for this will show up later.)

These dynamics were very difficult to overcome and had to be peeled off layer by layer. But Babaji, my primary inner connection and one with my I Am, tells me none of it has been a waste of time; all that’s been cleared had to be done at some point. Also that nothing has been lost. Basically, all has been perfect.

I chose the work before I was conceived, with Babaji’s help. All of my efforts have been led by spirit and include groundbreaking events and profound teachings. You may want to skim or skip clearing work, though there are gems everywhere. If there’s any suspicion that this writing has been tampered with, the original is on my site AscensionMastery.com/Articles. 

Here’s a list of topics for easier perusal. Two early ones, “The Human Condition” and “The Human/Master Relationship,” help clarify the rest. The whole got to be the length of a small book, and I was guided to cut out a lot to make it more clear and pithy. The journey was much jerkier than it appears here, but it’s a smooth read without sacrificing truth. There’s a short summary at the end.

The Human Condition
The Human/Master Relationship
It All Began . . .
Letting Go
A False Trail
Clearing Obstacles
Daily Meditation
New Developments 2012
The Forever Lake
No More Need for Food
My Father Passes
    Lost on the Mountain
    The Black Aspect
    Goodbye to the Nuns
Return of a Lost Love
More Developments
A New Neuronet and Changing the Past    
Deeper Healing
The Age of Light is In!
    The Crescent in the Eye
    Ways to Heal an Inner Aspect
    The Old Tibetan Monk Joins Up
    Humanity on Earth: a Thumbnail History
    Creating Dreams in 3-D Reality
    Messenger and Guide
Restoring Our Lost DNA
A Creation with Babaji
Retreat Experiences I’ve Been Shown
Recreating my Time on Earth
Erasing Akashic Records
Me as “Perp”
The Healing Breath and Rejuvenation
Djwal Kuhl
The Switch to Babaji
            New Neuronet Fully Grokked
            I’ll Never Do It
            Touching Bottom
            Agreement with Marjorie
            Small Self to Great Self and the Naked Ego
            How to Unfreeze
            Letting Go of Self-Identity
A Whole New Way of Going
The Local Gentleman
Nine Lost Months
You Can’t and Won’t Have It
The Fellow Initiate
Earth is a Sacred Place
Dissolve an Aspect in Universal Energy
Creation from I Am
Creating a Third- and Fifth-Dimensional Meeting
The Thirty-Foot Space
The Ecstasy of I Am
Effects of the New Neuronet
Going While Awake
A Truth About Making Love
Merge with Your I Am and Bless the World(s)
Books to Light Up the Path

This is a time when cycles of all kinds are ending, and beginning, for the Earth and for humanity. Fascinating stories abound; this is only one. It’s a true account, and I’ve written it in the hope that it is a gift.
            I am off on a marvelous adventure—a most unusual one. As I’ve prepared for it I’ve shared bits with a few friends. Now I share more widely what’s been vital to me, perhaps a thousandth of my experience. I’ve gone back periodically and changed things I thought were final but weren’t, so it reads more like a story, and have added new insights. It’s roughly in chronological order. At times I’ve added something that happened later to an earlier section, but may not have made sure the changes were consistent in following sections; I apologize for any confusion this may cause.
            I freely admit and fully expect that much of this will seem impossible, egotistical, deluded. But here I am, gone; I’ve proved at least to myself the truth of my guidance. I have been as honest as I possibly can be. Just accept what feels right to you and forget the rest. Each of us who moves from small ego consciousness into the larger I Am Self—into mastery— has experiences far different from the norm. A thought: if we choose to believe something weird that is actually true, our souls make a forward leap.
            In one of the “pink books” channeled by Jesus from the Teaching of the Inner Christ (based in San Diego), he likens conquering a challenge to climbing a ladder. The challenge is on a rung above your head, nearly out of reach. You grab it, and with its help you pull yourself up. You climb the rungs until you are standing upon your chosen rung; it is now your support, your under-standing, your strength.
            This adventure has been so for me. So far above me! In spite of being with Babaji for decades I first felt alone in the endeavor, carrying thoughts like “The masters are so high and distant from me;” “I’ve been left out, abandoned;” “I’ll never do it, it’s hopeless;” and the like. But gradually, gradually, through thousands of inner changes, the “I” became “we,” and I pulled up more and more level with the accomplishment. I even felt myself beginning to “stand” upon it before I left. And I feel so happy that it is WE who have accomplished this. My gratitude to those who have helped me is boundless. When we receive such assistance there’s no way to pay it back; all we can do is pass it on, helping others however we can.

Nearly all of this is an inner journey with no physical proof until the end. I just followed what I heard inside. I had a mountain of disbelief to overcome, but my chosen MO has been “believing is seeing.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t attempt to convince anyone that my inner understanding is accurate; but I think it can help to know grounding facts about someone writing pretty wild stuff.
            I was born with sensitivity; my mother told me that when I was three, I would play a game by asking her a question I couldn’t answer. Before she answered, I would speak her words.
            Around the age of 30, I began to wake up to God, or spirit. In 1980 I began to receive clear verbal messages—I had only been feeling my messages before that—with the help of the Teaching of the Inner Christ, a non-denominational church out of San Diego with which I became an ordained minister. I later received a Doctor of Divinity degree in TIC’s sister church, the Teaching of Intuitional Metaphysics. From 1980 to 1996 I gave workshops and spoke at conferences in many parts of the world. Then spirit asked me to form a business offering beautiful pictures of masters and ascended masters, angels and deities, because “Awakening humanity needs them.” I’ve published two books and created a number of CDs (my website is www.AscensionMastery.com). I was guided to sell my business in 2011, so have been retired for most of this journey. For more than thirty years I’ve led sessions with people, channeling their higher selves and helping them do the same. The feedback is good.
            Though my connection with “spirit” is to my I Am Presence—the true identity of each of us—I have received guidance mostly from the masters Babaji and St. Germain. I love and connect with other masters as well.
            I’m certainly not infallible (see “A False Trail” below); I’ve sometimes deceived myself to get an answer I want. I’m particularly vulnerable with life’s smaller questions. So I proceed as carefully as I can, double and triple checking when I think I may be fooling myself. I can’t guarantee that all you read here is accurate, though it’s mostly correct or I wouldn’t be gone.
            A journal is necessarily about oneself. My purpose in sharing is to encourage the reader to open wider the door to a desired path and make that path easier, as those who have gone before have done for all of us. To strengthen faith in guidance and success, whatever our endeavor. To know that when our levels of consciousness align to accept a dream, it is unstoppable. Especially to encourage those who, like me, have a dream or guidance that’s far outside the norm.
            This journal is about the inner changes each of us make to move into new life adventures. My outer life during this time has been pretty ordinary, but the clearing of consciousness has led me into a series of awesome events that only begin with my departure. Catherine Ponder says in her prosperity books that preparation for any large change is 99% mental.
            If this communication creates a stir, please honor the peace and privacy of my friends and family. Thank you.
            If you find this communication worthy of attention, please feel free to pass it on.
The Human Condition
(Written toward the end of this journey.) I have now a clearer understanding and overview of humans, not only on Earth but on the third and fourth dimensions everywhere. Most of us I Am Beings chose to experience these dimensions for emotion, the adventure of feeling deeply. Yet most, around 70%, have kept our experiences more or less on an even keel: not too bad and not too good. Love of family and partner, procuring food and shelter, and the infinite possibilities of personal accomplishment have been the mainstays. Many have cycled thousands of lifetimes like this, and there’s no judgment. This Earth is a holy place, where holy beings are carrying out an experiment.
            We’ve kept blinders on, not wanting to know who we really are and what life really is. In a way we’ve been similar to alcoholics. I heard a talk by a man who works with them; in his experience the only ones who get cured are those who hit bottom. Similarly, those 30% of us who go to the bottom of human experience, into the deepest place of degradation and despair and stay for what feels an eternity, are the ones most likely to rise from the normal and become ascended masters. It seems there is a “bounce” effect here, like the deeper you bounce into a trampoline, the higher you rise. The Prophet by Khalil Gibran says the depth of your sorrow equals the height of your joy.
            Way before Earth, I spent 15,000 years on another 3-D planet and knew deep suffering. I rose from that into Sirius, a place of wondrous joy. On Earth I spent 35,000 years in a degree of mastery, helping out in Lemuria, Egypt and other places. I ascended from Egypt, but returned two thousand years ago to experience the depth of human suffering. This led to a crux life in Korea, told about below, and a lot of other suffering. This is my life to recover, requiring slogging and digging almost beyond belief. But the bounce into new joy empowers me to be of greatest service yet, both here and outside the planet. Joy = love = service. And this me will also be ascending in this life. More discoveries about the conscious choice to suffer are at the end here.
            There is no law saying you can’t rise into great expression if you don’t suffer. Babaji, St. Germain, Metatron and Melchizedek have never lost touch with the pristine origin I Am. But there is a law that if you do suffer, you will eventually rise to the same degree. It isn’t recommended to go into such a dark place, but neither is it counter-recommended; it’s our choice. I understand that about 75% of ascended masters have gone into the depths of human misery, including Djwal Kuhl and Kuthumi.
            The prodigal son story from the Bible resonates here. The one son stayed home, helping his father. The other wandered off to many hard experiences. When he returned years later, the father (his I Am?) rejoiced. The first son said “Hey, how about me, I’ve been here all along!” But the father gave a great celebration for his returned wanderer.
            If you’ve been an “even keel” person, you may find yourself bored with the amount of inner work outlined here; just skip what you don’t enjoy. If you are one who hit bottom like me, you may find it helpful to see ways of fishing oneself out.
The Human/Master Relationship
For a human, the great task of enlightenment is to realize the simplest of things: we are already what we want to be. We are each a master and always have been. I Am That I Am is our reality. Our deepest knowing and emotion manifest their reflection in our lives. The “problem” for many millennia: our beliefs have come from a radically warped perspective on who we are (and are not) and what life is.
            For the last 13.8 billion years, the beginning of this round of creation—a little perspective is helpful!—we’ve expressed our great I Am divinity perfectly on every dimension except perhaps the fourth and/or third. We are now finally returning to our truth of unlimited love and power, light and wisdom, peace and bliss, one with God/Goddess of all.
            A master friend(s) can help enormously on our journey to remember greatness. When we invite a master to assist us, she or he may merge with our I Am Presence so all guidance is in perfect alignment with our truth. This inner divinity is the most vital thing to remember; nothing “outside” ourselves is greater than we.
            A master may have been with you for many lifetimes, though you may not be aware of it; tune in and ask. If you don’t have such a friend and would like one, just ask one you love to come to you. A painting of your friend done by an artist who loves her or him, or a photograph, can become a touchstone in your meditation. (You may notice the facial expressions changing.) I for one have found it enormously helpful to have a definite face to commune with.
            In my experience a master guide speaks the best truth of the moment, which may not be the truth. If there is nothing in ourselves to prevent it, a master always speaks the truth and the only question is “Am I hearing correctly?” Even then guidance can change over time. But a personal belief or assumption may unconsciously demand we be told something that is not true (see “A False Trail,” below). Also, a master must speak to us in terms we can understand, and what wants to be conveyed may be beyond our present understanding. We may be ready to see only a small piece of a very large picture, and thus receive a partial truth or one that we re-interpret as our understanding grows.
            Asking questions is an art. The answers can come not only in words but also in feelings or pictures. Things we want to know (whether or not we’ve asked a conscious question) can also come in “signs” that happen in daily life: someone speaking to us, a recurring thought or vision, a special dream, a good deck of wisdom cards, the I Ching, a bird or animal, infinite ways. If you’re asking directly, here are suggestions:
Have a truly open heart and mind.
Ask one question at a time. If the answer leads to a new question be logical, methodical.
Don’t assume an answer; if you do you will hear that answer.
If you aren’t ready for the answer to a question, it won’t be given. Even
working with someone in session, I wouldn’t hear an answer the person wasn’t ready for.
If you’re asking “What about this?” “Why this?” I find it works best just
opening my mouth and letting words come. You can get so sensitive that if even one word is wrong you can feel it. Spirit can also answer by simply directing your attention to something inside or outside.
You are not a puppet. Instead of asking “Do I, or should I, do this?” Ask “Is this
best and highest for me?” Feel free to not do what is suggested if you don’t feel ready.
Always leave the door open for mis-hearing. Act in accordance with guidance, but avoid the energy of leaning on or assuming. Just stay open.
If you have a loaded question full of emotional charge (“Am I pregnant?”
“Does she love me?”) ask several times on different days; even then you may want a trusted friend to help you hear clearly.
Working on a multi-faceted project you may mostly ask, “What’s my next
step?” (I’m mighty familiar with that one!)
            How do you feel inwardly about an answer? If it’s correct, you’re likely to feel deep, perhaps subtle, rightness and joy. You can use this for anything you’re considering doing, deciding between two paths etc. What are your feelings: happy and light and “right,” or heavy and dark? How does your body feel?
Asking for others, always get their permission at least inwardly. Outwardly
communicate any answers only if guided.
Spirit is often a bit mysterious. This may be about divine timing and order or
other, ineffable things. It doesn’t often speak matter-of-factly as a person would. Patience may be needed.

A “signal” from spirit such as a tingling up the spine when an answer is correct, is something many people get just naturally. You can ask for a signal. It can be almost anything—a breath, a vision, a sound from your voice, a feeling in any part of the body; it can even be a movement. The caution about a movement is that it is extremely easy for the mind to get in and move part of the body, so you think you’re getting yes when you aren’t.
             Often dependable if you’re asking a yes or no question: stand up and ask your body to lean forward if yes, backward if no. You can muscle test with your hand; form an O with your thumb and forefinger. If the answer is yes, the O remains strong and together. If no, it parts easily. And many people find pendulums accurate for them.
            If you’re working with an aspect of your spirit or a master whose name you don’t know, there is always a name—a sound vibration—you can get. Ask if you wish. The concepts of “signal” and “name” I learned from the Teaching of the Inner Christ, a teaching that came from Babaji to its founders.
            Working with a master opens the way to faster progress; it still may take decades or lifetimes, depending on where we are, to feel, realize, know, embody truths we hold intellectually.

When we work with masters, most of us have continued to feel small by putting them on a pedestal. This is the last thing a true master wants. He/she stretches out a hand, saying “Come up here and stand with me!”
            Instead of worshipping a master, we learn to know that we are level, equal, one with them. We revere the breathtaking realization of great masters such as Jesus, Buddha, Babaji, Quan Yin. We invite their help. Awe, honor, gratitude, love—these are totally natural. But worship is inappropriate; we are in essence the same as they.
            A sample conversation: “Hey, fellow master! I honor and thank you, so much, for your presence and your love and your help. I have been great as you are now. Your wisdom and knowledge are my own, but I forgot them. Please assist me to remember my own greatness, my equality with you.” Remember, even Jesus said, “Greater things than these shall ye do.”

Though we are one with Goddess/God of all - the Force - the Isness, It absolutely deserves our worship. It is infinitely vast, encompassing all universes, all dimensions, all time, the void, all creation, all life, all knowledge, all activity. But the most important thing about It is that It is LOVE.

When we choose to accomplish something way beyond our initial spiritual grasp, working with masters is an education in itself. Lifetimes of wild and woolly experiences lie in the subconscious. Masters suggest in the moment what is best at the time, always referencing how well we are able to clear aspects of our past (and helping us do that). If we’re reaching for the sky and our process draws out, like this one, it can seem labyrinthine. A specific goal we’ve worked on for months or even a year or more may change overnight. But when we hear clearly and follow, each step is in the right direction.
            Basically: we stay non-attached to how it happens and when it happens, trust the great beings helping us, and be ready to turn on a dime.

It All Began . . .
In early spring 2011, I was pulled to reread the second “green book” of the St. Germain Press, The Magic Presence. It is a record of the experiences of the author, Godfré Ray King, with St. Germain and other ascended masters and their retreats, in service to humanity. Back in 1983, this book changed my life and teaching by catalyzing me to remember ascension. Now, I read it with nearly equal joy.
            A significant portion of the book (in chapters I and III) takes place in a fifth-dimensional retreat in the Wyoming Rockies called the Cave of Symbols. It is a St. Germain ascended master retreat where Godfré and others received teachings and other gifts. The entrance to it, which actually is a great cave with universal symbols hanging from the ceiling and covered with rainbow-colored minerals, used to be open to any hiker. When scientists planned experiments there, St. Germain closed it up.
            A little time after I completed The Magic Presence—around mid April—St. Germain came into my meditation and said, “The Cave of Symbols is where you can go.” I said, “What?” We talked back and forth for a couple of days, and finally I asked, “If I’m going into a retreat, why not Mt. Shasta? It’s right here.” He replied, “The Mt. Shasta ascended master retreat rarely takes people in physical form, and the Cave of Symbols is the best place for you to go.”
            I have felt a bone-deep knowing, increasing in strength, that the present phase of my life is now energetically complete. It’s a lovely life I have in Mt. Shasta at present, abundant in friendship, peace, beautiful surroundings, money and ease. On September 3rd of 2013 I turned 73, and my health and vitality are stronger than ever. I have taught the possibility of rejuvenation since 1982, but my emotional body has not allowed other than visible aging. I have allowed inner body youthing; a high lama affirmed this when I was 65. Leaving this old life, body alive and kicking, allows my energies to flow into my new path.
            St. Germain’s message affirmed this knowing, so I accepted this guidance. I know how fantastical it sounds. Babaji said to me “What is extraordinary to normal human consciousness, to higher consciousness is ordinary.” I’ve been totally aware of the possibility of fooling myself, listening to untrue voices, and here and there in the process I have; but my knowing was that the guidance was true.
            I did my best to not presume, but hold to a humble, fluid, non-demanding expectancy, one that allowed for hearing incorrectly and for the guidance to change into something else. But in a completely new experience like this, strange things can happen!

Letting Go
A little after St. Germain’s message I was guided to sell my company, Ascension Mastery International (AMI), which gets pictures of masters, angels, and deities out into much of the world. AMI was purchased in the fall of 2011, allowing me to pay off the debt we accrued after 2008—something I would not leave Mt. Shasta without doing. The sale process included writing a detailed operations manual for the new staff, their training, clearing out the office, computers, email etc. I finally completed around Thanksgiving. Throughout, the guidance about the retreat stayed the same.
            I let go all I could from home: files, clothes, toiletries, books my friends wouldn’t want, things stuck in drawers forever. I gave things away, put clothes on consignment, and tossed away garbage cans full of stuff. I cleaned out the carport, recycled, bought cat food for a week instead of two months. Let my favorite Peet’s tea run out (since replaced, how can you do without your favorite tea?). Home now feels clear. I’ve made arrangements to have it taken care of one way or another when I depart; I expect to return to Mt. Shasta but not to my old home; my life will be different. (See the New Neuronet, below.)
            What about my two cats (now my one cat, Maxie passed of old age in late fall 2012), I asked. To my surprise, it is okay to bring Prince, alias Kit Carson; he wants to come, so I wouldn’t go without him. A story from Hinduism: Krishna’s walking up to heaven when a little dog begins to tag along. Krishna arrives at the gate, and the keeper says “You can enter, but not your dog.” Krishna says “Then I won’t come in.” The dog turns into Maitreya who says “This was a test. Welcome!”


A False Trail
I got myself as ready as I could, but—and here came a slip—my mind jumped to the conclusion that a guide must come to take us to this retreat. I thought I was hearing it from spirit, but I wasn’t. I literally—this is the amazing part—created a play, with all the characters speaking the words I unconsciously gave them, including Babaji and St. Germain! (Spirit ever bows to our free will.) Everything was logical, all answers to my questions fit my understanding. Finally I heard that a guide would arrive in about four days. (What’s interesting about this is that I didn’t feel ready.) When that didn’t happen, I understood that there had been a delay on the road, and he would be here two days later. I began to suspect then that I had been fooling myself. Sure enough he didn’t arrive then either, and I knew. The curtain went down, the lights came up, and the play was over. No, there was no faker spirit regarding this guide—except my own mind!
            I think it’s important to share this misstep, because I have been successfully guided by spirit for some 37 years. In my experience, both for myself and those I lead sessions with, I hear very well and nearly always accurately. And here, I completely deluded myself. It’s a reminder: no matter how much we have learned, we are not beyond mistakes.
            And why did I create this play? Delving deep, I saw immediately that I felt afraid to trust the love of God, of spirit, of life, to bring this to me. I felt afraid to open to the unknown and let it happen as it happened. I felt the need to be in control.
            This was about the end of October 2011. I asked spirit to bring me all aspects of myself that have trouble allowing God to lead. They had all experienced hard shock or betrayal in a former life. Some have been angry, some fearful, some in despair. I was guided to introduce them to our I Am Presence, and help them know that this great being of love is our real identity. Over about a week they were all able to change.
            My challenge now is to be open and trust enough for my new life to take place, whatever it is. I do not insist that I heard correctly about the Cave of Symbols, but I do know I’m moving into a new life. I trust more now. A guide could come. Something entirely different could happen. Spirit can do this any way it wants. My one condition: to receive an unmistakable sign, then time to finalize the closing out of my old life.
            The biggest nuts and bolts learning for me in this false trail: if spirit gives you a date for something, it’s likely to be wrong.

Clearing Obstacles
This is December 16th, 2011. A number of dramatic and numbing things have happened inwardly, things that held me back. A short synopsis:
            Waiting. I began to wait, and found myself furious. I had to heal yet more lives, two in particular: waiting for a loved man to return as promised, and waiting (as a little girl of seven) for my parents to return as promised. None did.
            In the growing dark and cold I felt re-attached to the comforts of home, and especially to the holiday season—gatherings with friends with food and music and singing and presents and Christmas lights and---. I was able to see that this was partly love and partly an ego ruse. (The ego has pulled all sorts of tricks to distract me.) But really I did want to give presents to those I love, and I do love the season. So it’s been a fine challenge to be here and now only, no season, no date—just here and now ready.
            Various aspects have emerged from my unconscious with fears about going. Each time, I have helped them heal as guided. Some, with their permission, I introduced to St. Germain or Babaji or Quan Yin or my I Am and invited them to ask anything they wanted, say anything, run the meeting. Most of these decided they did want to go to the retreat. Others have opted completely out of the process and were happy to go into a part of the mind where they would feel safe. (The escorting of an aspect, or sub-personality, into the mind, when it is not interested in/fears/judges what you are doing, I haven’t heard of before. It’s a vital tool for me. A joyful space is created for it in the mind, or it joins an already-created scene. There it will have friends, activities, joy and growth. It’s pretty amazing.)
            On the happy side of the process I have felt the Cave of Symbols, and its frequency, more and more clearly in my heart and physical body. It feels now like my true home, at least for a time; I’ve always known it would be temporary. I’ve realized that I have old friends there! Two teachers, both male, I have met inwardly and love. In the hall of inventions masters work to bring new gifts to humanity. Seeing myself there to learn, to share and laugh, to serve in new ways, to be in this wondrous place of great love and perfect safety and goodness, opens my heart like a flower.
            I am feeling ready now, December 17th, and facing down doubts: feeling small, fear of being abandoned, ignored, left out, why is it taking so long, the whole thing was my imagination. Affirmations I’m using to counter these:
            I Am That I Am, one with life. I Am infinitely loved and precious, known and included in the movement of life. I Am the perfect trust that welcomes the message/guide that takes Prince and me physically into the Cave of Symbols. I Am perfect trust of my beloved friend and guide St. Germain, and Babaji, and my I Am Presence. I Am in joyous anticipation. I Am the knowing that all happens in the right moments. So be it.
            January 10, 2012. My consciousness around this deepens, lifts, widens. Many people have gone into ascended master retreats before me, in that sense it isn’t new. But for each one the process of opening to it is new, full of unique unknowns that become known only in a present moment. For me and I expect for others, such a change is feared; all through my process fears have come up to be healed. One of these, for instance, just showed itself to me in a dream where I moved suddenly from one apartment to another, not from one dimension to another (the retreat is on the fifth dimension even though you may enter it physically). So it needed help.

Daily Meditation
One morning about New Year’s 2012, a strong, noble male presence came to me. I was surprised that it was Godfré himself, offering to help me in meditation. Also, one of my teachers in the retreat has joined the meditation. I am now often doing an ascension process before I do the rest. So it often looks like:
            Speaking the words of “Merge with Your I Am” at the end of this email and feeling as much one with my I Am Presence as I feel able.
            Going as high as I can into ascension energies (see my ascension meditation on the Articles page of my website).
            Calling Godfré to join; welcoming as always My I Am Presence, St. Germain, Babaji, and my “ascended master committee”: Herakhan Baba, El Morya, Kuthumi, Djwal Kuhl, Lahiri Mahasaya, Quan Yin, Krishna and more.
            Speaking I Am affirmations, similar to above.
            Feeling and seeing and being in the Cave of Symbols as clearly as I can, and feeling the joy, gratitude and other emotions.
            Meditating silently for a time.

This meditation kept morphing throughout the process.

New Developments 2012
A deeper recent discovery is that it is LIFE—not St. Germain, not even my I Am Presence—that determines when and how things happen. I Am that Life, and it is a mystery. In the meditations we all work together to bring the event about through the organic, perfect process of Life. This has made it easier to be patient and content, as long as I’m doing my best.
            A new discovery as of today: I’ve been dreaming of the Cave from my beautiful comforting home that I love. My attachment to home has returned more than once. To help me release it, I began to see it empty.
            January 31st: I’m realizing how much I have changed—needed changes. At the beginning, I felt so small and alone; the masters were all “over” me, and would take me there in their own sweet time. Now I feel I Am, one with the masters, so big that I encompass the Cave, and one with divine right timing that is perfect for me.
            A great blessing of today is that I’ve gotten in touch with a past life as a beautiful man who was close to Jesus. Our joining into one consciousness is very helpful.
            Other things: feeling afraid to trust the love of God to be fully active and obvious on earth in such an unusual matter; need to forgive more deeply; release fear of being blamed; know and feel my own and everyone else’s eternal innocence and worth; and self-responsibility. Eternal perfect equality between women and men, and the love that naturally expresses between us when we are in our truth and wholeness of spirit. (Kathleen McGowan’s books of the Magdalene line, beginning with The Expected One, have greatly helped me with this last one.) It seems obstacles not directly involved must still be cleared.
            February 1st, 2012: Ganesha began offering help with obstacles, though I didn’t know what he was referring to; I invited him to join my ascended master committee and he graciously did. I don’t see him with his elephant head (which admittedly I find more distracting than helpful); but as a tall robust man with Nordic looks—handsome face with a strong straight nose, rosy complexion, intense light blue eyes and straight white-blonde hair not quite to his shoulders.
            Also today I met with Mary St. Marie, a sister with whom this was our first deep connection. Our powerful sharing of stories and light-love upliftment were catalysts for me, along with Ganesha’s work, for what happened next.
            St. Germain was strong with me after Mary left. He felt strong and serious, almost viscerally present, no-nonsense. From his demeanor I realized that in sharing this process with friends I had been wishy-washy, apologetic about the time it was taking, and emphasizing lightness, changeability, no assumptions, I expect so I wouldn’t look too crazy.
            I felt St. Germain saying he had asked permission where it was needed to do something for me. I didn’t know what, but I said yes to it. He bowed deeply to me, and I to him. Then I saw a kind of roiling energy around my navel, which felt like disbelief and mistrust. Then he came up to me and transferred this energy from my body to his, from whence it dissolved. The roiling energy is now empty space. I feel amazed; I had no idea such a transference was possible. I guess that’s why the permission was needed. It all feels new.
            February 10th : Gratitude rising; Krishna—magical, enchanting Krishna—joining my I Am Presence; feeling my I Am Presence much more on THIS PLANE; following suggestion to BE here in the retreat in consciousness.
            February 27th: Amazing how many core issues continue to come up for clearing! Fears of being abandoned/shut out; of being dishonored; trusting this plane to manifest the love of spirit in this matter. Also deeper ever deeper oneness. My genuine approval of others makes me feel happy! Closer ever closer with St. Germain. Affirming I Am ready now, this moment, nothing else needs to come up, no delay within my own thought. He clarified this for me by saying, “You are the one who determines when you go.” This gave me both a not entirely wanted self-responsibility, and a fine empowerment.
            March 1st, 2012: All through this process I have felt more and more as if I were approaching a “bottom line.” It’s about clearing obstacles, emptying out and detaching from this old life (plus grounding more, see below). There is no longer anything of true purpose for me to do here. I have a growing sense of impersonal love replacing attachment; also the feeling of no self. A book I’m re-reading now is helping with this: Brother of the Third Degree, by Will L. Garver; fiction, but most of the spiritual journey feels real.

The Forever Lake
March 11th: It’s going on a year since my first guidance about this, and I feel like I’m swimming forever across a lake, heading in the right direction but never seeing the shore, only more water. Enough! I should BE there now. Emotions flood me—impatience, passion to be done.
            I find myself asking if I have delayed the process in some unknown way. Spirit takes a minute to look deeply and St. Germain replies, “In this case, yes.” I dive immediately within, deep as I can. Finally I locate an aspect blindly working, working for many lifetimes, never lifting its head to see where we are, expecting never to arrive anywhere. I say “Hey!” but very kindly, and gradually was able to help it look up and see that it could stop. It was very happy about this!
            With that action, I suddenly see the shore! I swim up and actually walk out of the lake. (If these words don’t seem to deserve such emphasis, for me they are a very big deal.) I feel crystal clear, clearest since this process began.
            Two days later, March 13th, two more aspects have arisen for healing, but I remain on the shore. I can only explain this by saying I know it. Appreciating more clearly that moving through each obstacle is my path to mastery. We aren’t given more than we can do, but it may take everything we’ve got!

My Father Passes
In March 2012, my father Jim passed on, thank goodness for him as he had little remaining joy in life, though he had grown ever more gentle and loving with time. Mother, who passed in ’98, was true to her word and came to help him over. I flew to Virginia to be with my beloved sister, who volunteered for Jim to spend his last years near her. She moved him five times in the eight years he was there, to the best place for him as he went through different stages. Later we journeyed to his memorial service. He was much loved.

No More Need for Food
April 10th: nearly overwhelming how many new things have come so quickly. Informed that my body is now fully supported by prana and there’s no longer a need to eat. Greatly benefiting from St. Germain’s beautiful explanation of manifesting, page 101 of Godfré’s Unveiled Mysteries. Feeling closer and closer to the bottom line.
            April 19th: feeling confused, releasing the human for the I Am, not used to it. But also recognizing this last couple of weeks an ever-greater feeling of—hard to know what to call it—cohesion, integrity, clarity, focus, strength, certainty in the Being sense, transcending my emotional body most of the time. In a word, I feel more masterful. An empty tummy assists clarity, I feel that.
            Guided to put more about not eating: Lots of people are doing this now. My friend Jasmuheen has gone about 20 years without food (she does take liquids, usually water or tea), and travels the world to share her passion for saving Earth through no longer using land to e.g. raise cattle and cattle feed. You live on prana, the life force in and all around you. At first you can feel strong hunger, though even when hungry my body hasn’t actually wanted food. As you eat less, hunger falls off. Then you’re left with whatever desire (if any) you have left for the food experience—taste, a nice full tummy. Since April 10th, I’ve eaten too little to sustain a normal life. My body is seven (later, 30) pounds lighter because I’ve wanted a more slender body—but you can actually gain weight on prana. See the Articles page of my site if you’re interested in more about this.
            I do love taste so I grab a few bites here and there, mostly nuts or dried fruit but anything I’d like, sometimes a light meal. Toward the end of this process I usually ate one meal a day. Though my food is mostly nuts, trail mix, eggs, cheese, chocolate, salads, I eat anything I feel a yen for including chicken, bacon and beef. I frequently have a glass of wine or a margarita. I know these practices may shock or bring up judgment. My understanding is that every chicken etc. knows its destiny when it comes in, though it certainly deserves our thanks and blessing, which I give. The Dalai Lama said in an interview, “I eat anything. The pork chops were delicious with my eggs this morning.”
            May 17th, 2012: a wider overview of the whole process. When I’m guided to do something, I happily set forth and do it. This is such a “different animal,” it has been a great challenge for me to rise to a surrendered place about it—but that is the whole thing. It has taken lots of work to begin to feel my oneness with I Am, its infinite, eternal and unconditional love for me itself, my utter safety in trusting it. Recently I’ve come to the surrender, lost it, worked to get it anew. Surrender plus the choice of my human will.
            June 22nd: A paradigm shift. Discovering many aspects from other lives which could not believe such a wonderful event can happen on the physical plane. Seeing for the first time that when I form a goal well beyond the usual human framework or expectation, a veil of fog arises between imagining-visualizing it and knowing-allowing-accepting-embracing-having it in reality. This goes back to my birth and other lives and is true for most people. It is the old human way of seeing from the MIND, rather than the HEART, believing in the solidity and dependability of the physical realm rather than recognizing the greater reality: all comes first from spirit, and thought/feeling creates our entire lives.
            As most of us have known severe experiences on this plane, we’ve been inclined to believe miraculous good doesn’t happen here. Or if we believe in miracles intellectually, it doesn’t reach our deep emotional knowing. I have experienced miracles in this life, real miracles, and I still had not made this shift to truth. My miracles have been spontaneous, or have unfolded organically. But this guidance is a PLANNED miracle, it involves thought and conscious evolvement toward it, and for me, mind and miracle have been an oxymoron. This frame I’ve put around life is also why I haven’t created visible rejuvenation; I couldn’t allow it in my worldview.
            Accepting miracles here in 3-D: a paradigm shift. I remember Werner Erhard speaking about something I think he called a “trim tab.” It’s a small part of an ocean liner’s steering assembly that changes its direction. When we change part of our mind, we change direction.
            The next step is focusing on God/dess from my heart. When we focus from the mind only we unconsciously say to our heart, “I don’t trust you.” The heart in turn feels sorrow that its gifts are not being received, gifts of true wisdom and love. Heart focus is direct from our I Am Presence. But tell that to me who’s been—and whose parents have been—so oriented to the intelligence of the mind! Whoo! What a blind spot it’s been! I’ve heard the words about the heart for decades, naturally—we all have. Actually beginning to get it is lovely.

In July of 2012 I was guided to go camping for the first time in years, and needed a 4WD vehicle to get to the spot I chose (Jack Flat, above Sand Flat). Help appeared in the form of a lovely new friend, Rebecca, who also wanted to camp (and naturally had a 4WD). We pitched camps at the edge of the flat, overlooking a valley and Oregon to the north, close enough to walk over and share a fire or some food (yes, I still eat whatever I wish though not much). My 19-year-old cat Maxie wanted to go—surprise!—so I took her and she loved it. I’ve so wanted her to experience the Cave of Symbols, and she’s contemplating leaving her body. Camping for over two weeks so added to her joy and vigor that she may make it (plus I’m giving her Reiki every day now).
            Rebecca is a practitioner of Theta Healing, a powerful process I recommend. She wanted my help with a long-standing difficulty in her life, and though I wasn’t aware of a need for human assistance to me, it felt right to trade sessions.

St. Germain came in and said, “This time is key.” Such portentous statements tend to scare me, my first reaction is “Oh no! That means I could fail!” But life as always was moving perfectly; Rebecca’s gift to me was a way of grounding that really worked for me. I am a practical person on the physical plane, so it was a bit of a shock to realize I had still been floating around. (When I told my friend Amorah about this, she said “Yes, you’re usually in your body only from the third chakra up.”) What a different experience, being truly grounded! For me a veil lifts and suddenly I am seeing three-dimensionally, when I didn’t know I’d been seeing things flat. And I feel real, really here. After all this work, I realized I had still been holding my project in an ethereal place, not an actual physical reality. This has been more of the coming down to a bottom line that I mentioned earlier, and nothing could be more important: I’ve been coming down from the higher chakras all the way into my root chakra. Grounding has become the first thing in my daily meditation. It helps each day begin on a real footing.

Lost on the Mountain
The valley to the north of my site has a central dirt road; I had walked its length, from the highway far below to the top of the valley where it forms a T intersection with a road that runs along the top. Beyond the top road is quite rough and steep. I thought it would be a fun—and simple—adventure to go down to the valley from camp, find the road, follow it up to the intersection and turn right, back to camp. So one morning—no food, just a little water—I began trucking down the hill. It kept going down, down and more down, forever! Finally I hit the valley floor, and there was what I assumed to be the central road; I turned right and hiked upward, but after an hour it ended at a culvert. I followed my nose up the culvert and then cross-country, came to a ravine so steep I had to grab bushes to pull myself up—only to find an unclimbable cliff at the top. My mind was confused; I expected to come out in a place that was totally illogical. I asked spirit’s guidance, but kept getting wrong answers.
            After some hours I came upon a logged area, which had to have a way out. I didn’t care where it went, I was going to take it rather than return the wild way I’d come. I walked the periphery—twice—and couldn’t find it. As afternoon slid toward evening, I got concerned about getting back before dark. Belatedly, I realized something was interfering with my clarity. I began calling “I Am! I Am!” over and over. Quickly then, across the same creek bed I had searched before, I noticed a small dirt track curving around and out of sight. It turned into the road out! With relief I followed it down, having zero idea where it led. Finally I realized it was the valley’s top road; it led right to the T intersection with the central road. I knew where I was! Rejoicing!
            The only thing is, the geography was impossible. I’ve thought and thought about this. My camp was southwest of the T intersection. On my outing I had most certainly not crossed either road. But now, from the logging area I approached the T intersection from the NORTHEAST. That is spacially not possible. Looking at it another way, in an aerial view of the valley facing east, my camp was on the hill to the right of the central road. The road I walked on the valley floor was also to the right of the central road. When I came back from the logging area I was to the left of it. I believe I Am had to schmooze space to get me home. It’s the kind of thing that can happen when we call with passionate sincerity. (Later, this was proved to be true—see below.)
            On this adventure I slid down, hiked, and pulled myself up steep inclines for seven hours—and my body was fine. This helped confirm for me my goodness of form.

The Black Aspect
Not long after this I became aware of a part of myself that felt totally, I mean totally unworthy. It looked like a slimy black worm, blackest of the black, a male. And it hated me. Evidently in a past life I had been so ashamed of this part that I had buried it away. It told me that on my adventure it had tried to kill me. I asked its forgiveness, but it was unable to trust me. Then something amazing: El Morya came in, and with great love took this aspect into himself, and it stayed there. Another unheard of thing!

Goodbye to the Nuns
Camping: a hotbed of spiritual awakening! In one life I was convinced by a false teacher of Christianity that sexuality was bad/poverty was good, and it was best to become a nun. I wanted to be good and pure so I was a nun—cold, lonely and unhappy—five times. One counter-reaction led to the single most difficult life I’ve known, being sold to a brothel in Korea when I was eleven, having to work mighty hard in this life to heal it. Present realization: the nun lives also led to every experience of being raped, because I longed for intimacy but thought sex was wrong, and so created violence toward my body as the only way I could experience it. Through time, continuing to believe those false teachings led to a kind of signature life: a lone wolf, usually a poor female healer or teacher who lived or traveled alone, little warmth of companionship, love, sex or even close friendship, and few spiritual peers.
            Some years ago I was trained by my spirit to change past lives, when that can be done. All time is REALLY one, thus the past is malleable. For me, forgiveness has been the single most important requirement. I had already changed a great many lives. A simple example was going back to the day before my body was killed and warning myself to steer clear of the town where it happened.
            Though I had seen my nun lives for a long time, their rigid self-righteousness made them hard to redo; it had never occurred to me that I could or should. Now, I suddenly knew I could change these lives. I went back before the first one and chose for my past self to never be exposed to the false dogma. I replaced these with a wise teacher who revealed that sexual love is part of divine love expression on this plane, and so is prosperity.
            I got rid of the entire lot of nuns in one piece of work. Virtually all the lives that followed changed instantly (including the Korean one). The new signature life is still as a female teacher/healer but now with love, sex, warmth, companionship and spiritual peers, and greater comfort and prosperity. The warmth swept forward to envelop my present self, and what a difference I now feel! Many especially female healers/teachers have a similar history, and it can be remade.
            The last great camping unfoldment was: I wanted to get the message about going to the Cave of Symbols, a message I have demanded be unmistakable on the physical plane. It’s been a long process to accept this happening, made harder by the ingrained thought that heaven doesn’t translate to earth, in other words a master won’t appear to me on earth. At first I wanted St. Germain to appear to me. That changed to Babaji. That changed to Djwal Kuhl, who has been ascended less time than my other master friends and so seemed easier to accept. I worked very hard to accept him coming to me, but even that felt too much. I saw that since I now feel ready to go, it’s silly to make receiving the message so difficult that I would delay it. (And yet, all does work in perfect harmony and synchronicity; I don’t think it’s possible for there to be an actual delay.) The final(?) decision has been for Babaji to bring the message to me but through an ordinary person. This I am expecting now. (This changed again.)
            A couple of remaining thoughts I must still clear completely: 1) it can’t happen right here and right this minute; and 2) it’s too good to be real, it’s “heaven coming to earth” and thus is impossible. This second thought has hung in there through all my work to help it dissolve. I experience heaven coming to earth every time I receive a message for my or another’s earth life, every time I touch a flower or look at a tree or a person; every time I take a breath. It’s hard to believe this continues to be so difficult for me.
            I’ve realized that in spite of difficulties, or rather through clearing difficulties, I’ve gradually been coming forward to meet the new life. You don’t truly know how you’ve been until you grow; I saw myself toward the back of a dim room, looking some distance before me to a light-filled but fuzzy doorway to fulfillment. Now that door is closer and sharper.

Return of a Lost Love
 August 2012: writing from 2013 with an overview from this time. Since I cleared the nun lives while camping, my sexuality has blossomed. A beautiful man with whom there’s been a strong mutual attraction (an outward relationship is not appropriate) has come to me inwardly; we are making love and talking about many things. Later I learned his spiritual name: it is Arras.
            It’s become clear that we have loved one another for thousands of years. During this past year our story gradually unfolded to us, probably similar to one of your own. Most of us have been on or around Earth for a very long time. Though two souls (or the twin rays of one I Am) may share a rare love, the vicissitudes of this plane often rend them apart. But eventually—and sappy as it sounds, I think romance novels are all about this hope—we may find each other again.

I knew decades ago when I met him that he had been thwarted in an unsuccessful love with me in long-ago Paris. I held it as simply that, an old attraction and nothing more. He told me (after he came in 2012) that when he met me this life, he knew there was “something more.” He also knew that I didn’t know.
            After the failure in Paris (17th Century), caused by my fear of men, Arras had not tried again to be with me. But three months before my birth in 1940, Babaji knew I would return to wholeness with men and sexuality in the late years of this life. He met with Arras’ I Am Presence and asked permission to speak to him; he was serving in the Pleiades as a temple designer. Babaji told him there was a real possibility of our reuniting in this life; and that Babaji had found perfect parents for him in the city that would lead to our meeting. Arras then chose to be born (he is younger than I); after we were both married we came to know one another, though usually distant in space and time.
At the right moment we met again in outer life, earlier in 2012. Then he came to me inwardly, we loved for a week or so and he left again, which I actually expected. After healing with the nuns he came again and this time, to my amazement, he stayed. (It is very easy for a soul to split off unawares; his consciousness with his body didn’t at first know that he is also with me, but after a time he did know it.)
            An additional word about master friends. I asked Babaji if Arras’ and my I Am Presences would have brought us together in this life without his help, and he said that I Am Presences “are not usually historically oriented.” He taught me that our I Am IS everything at once, all time and space and everything happening; it doesn’t naturally divide things up into relationships between parts of Itself or between one illusion of time and another. However, our I Am can do this, or a master friend, and thus help us enormously.
            When Arras came to stay in August 2012, neither of us had any knowledge of our history. Love blossomed, and we began to discover—through me and through him, as we speak easily—our past. Old hurts began to heal. Spirit gradually filled in the blanks.
            We first met in Sirius in androgynous form, and were simply acquaintances. About 37,000 years ago I went in female form to Earth, and we lost touch. About 5500 years ago I was serving on Arcturus as a temple designer. I was lonely; wanting a true match, I hadn’t accepted a lover for over 200 years. But I had also become rather fixed and rigid in my loneliness and my work. (You would think my twin flame would have been the perfect answer; it seems that unlike most twin flames, we had gone separate ways for eons. At that time he had a wonderful lady.) Babaji and I, our beings who’ve been together forever, looked together for a love for this me.
            We found on Sirius my old acquaintance, still in androgynous form, and felt the rightness of his male side for my female. We also located a beautiful male being perfect for her/his female half. We suggested that he/she try polarity, a great new adventure, and that Arcturus needed a temple designer. So his male polarity came to help me, and I was delighted with his fresh and creative ideas.
We had worked together for about two months. Though he was the most magnificent male I had met in a very long time, I was so out of the love loop that I didn’t register that possibility. One day when we finished, he wrapped his arms around me and swept me into a deep kiss. The word for me—flabbergasted! We began to date, and after a time I realized as he had, that ours was a genuine love match. Such joy, such warmth flooded into our hearts and lives.
            Our first love on Earth was in Egypt about 500 years later; others followed, mostly in Asia. Between these lives we loved and served on higher dimensions until before the time of Christ when I chose an earthly life as a Tibetan monk (male so I could get the teaching); he followed, but of course our love was forbidden. During the time of Christ I was again a man, and after that entered my first “lost” life as a homeless orphan boy. Then I got into the nun lives and there was no hope for our love in the next 1800 years.
            Awhile after we reunited in August, spirit suggested that because I could now accept his suit, we go into the past and recreate our Paris life. We did this, sharing a happy love and giving some service to that time. We were later requested to be a man and wife of means in New England on the cusp of the industrial revolution, to help soften corporate greed by setting a different example. We’ve created a new life together on the fourth dimension, and will soon be together on both the third (in the timeline change for Earth or new neuronet, see below) and fifth (in the Cave and beyond). An additional life together on Earth has begun, born into two beautiful and strongly spiritual families who are best friends.
            Arras quickly engaged with me in preparing for this adventure. For a long time I had no idea he was helping much, until Babaji initiated a message to inform me differently. When I looked deeply, I saw that the particular gifts accompanying his deep love for me—clarity, focus, absolute knowing and faith, humility, and a great steadfastness of mind and heart—have indeed made his presence an awesome benefit. Here with me in the fourth (later the fifth) dimension, he sees things my physical eyes don’t; he also hears. We travel together at night, and he is able to remember these times.
            Arras is able to make his touch felt to a significant degree. He is a fiery being, of Shiva like myself. Mental images pass easily between us. I am learning infinite energies and ways of masculine/feminine joining, no limits as long as both enjoy it. Our union is a reflection of the ecstatic, ever-changing, expanding union of goddess/god I Am within us. This is a universal teaching resonating through time and dimension, and I am awed by it.
            At age nine I longed for a prince. Through my relationships over the years I did know wonderful lovers, both inwardly and outwardly, and my ex-husband is a lovely man; we remain friends. Still, I came slowly and painfully to realize I was not ready for my prince, and buried my longing. In the present I had not a nugget of thought, no slightest expectation or hope, that this could happen. But, sixty-three years later—for me, a lone alpha female, to be with a man of such magnificence is nearly unbelievable to me. It has changed my entire outlook, my heart, my mind, my body. Ours is an eternal love and to say the least, it is a joyous reunion. I am grateful beyond words.
            Writing December 2013: since coming to me, Arras has expanded rapidly into his I Am Presence. His being on the fourth dimension makes this easier, and I am delighted for him. He is a being of utter service consciousness and intent.
            In spring of 2014, Arras rose into fifth dimensional form and joined the me that split off and has been in the retreat since July 2013. He was there for about a month and then returned to me, staying in the fifth dimension, to help me until I left. He tells me that he and I leave my body while I sleep, go to the retreat where I join myself there, and we make love. Like most sleep experiences I don’t remember it, wish I did!
            He came to the retreat because we had been asked to design a temple, a meeting place for masters that will be off by itself. I didn’t at first understand why it was wanted, given the beautiful meeting halls in existing retreats. Later we discovered that it will be located at the new crown chakra of Earth, which has moved from Tibet to the Chilean Andes (see the book Serpent of Light, below). We began work on this, a joyous project echoing our time in Arcturus. I’ve seen gold and crystal, many arches and domes, and gems. Now when we go at night we also work on the temple.
            I’ve learned that relationships on the fourth and fifth dimensions are not at all limited to one soul in one body. If you’re in a relationship and meet a new person with whom it feels right and mutually delightful to form a partnership, all you do is split off to form another body and there you are. There’s no problem of any kind, certainly no jealousy, because you are completely present with each partner (and in a different location).

More Developments
September 17th, 2012. Lord, so much has happened. I acknowledge a sense of embarrassment about how long this is taking me. I know this is from false thinking, caring overmuch how I’m perceived. Things take the time they take; great things usually take more time. All is well.
            September 30th: Felt so stuck about the belief that heaven can’t come to earth, spirit had to find a new way through. Last night I dreamed that a wise Buddhist teacher told me I had a parallel life as a Tibetan lama. (What I call a parallel life is another human life of the same I Am Presence; many are caused by the consciousness/soul of one lifetime desiring two different experiences in the next one, thus being born in two bodies and continuing on from there.) I felt this dream was significant and so asked about it in meditation today. I was indeed shown a lama sharing our I Am Presence, in his forties with a wife and children, living in India. Spirit told me he knows heaven and earth as one and can help me learn it. (2013: it’s still been the very hardest thing to get!)
            This lama is very consciousness and sensitive, and came in immediately. We were shown that we had gifts for each other, and we spent perhaps half an hour taking turns giving and receiving. I understand that changes were made in my new past lives; I could feel my body beginning to change, with my mind and emotions, though I didn’t get specifics. As for me, spirit asked me to give him knowledge about creating a new neuronet (below). His powers of concentration, and his acceptance, are such that this should be easy for him.

 A New Neuronet and Changing the Past
A “new neuronet”: what is it? The phrase comes from Ramtha (Ramtha.com), and he explains it in his Fireside booklet Buddha’s Neuronet for Levitation. It means changing your brain, your memory for not only your present and future but your past, in this very life, through passionate commitment.
            I had worked diligently and almost daily since 1976 to clear my past. I wanted to be free. In 2005, before I knew of Ramtha’s teaching, I was given this wild and completely unexpected message: because I had changed so many past lives, I could be born into this life with a different consciousness, at the same time and to the same parents. A radical idea, it makes sense as in God all time is one, timeless; but I’m fully aware of how crazy a new neuronet sounds in human experience. At first I didn’t know it related to going to the retreat, so wasn’t going to include it in this journal; but now I know that when my 3-D self gets there it will take us directly into the new neuronet.
            In July 2012 (I learned of this awhile after it happened) I split off and joined the people in the Cave of Symbols in a fifth dimensional body. I began learning, serving and in every way participating there. I had no outward memory of it. My 3-D self has been more involved in healing and clearing in order to get there, so I visited my retreat self only occasionally. When Arras joined me, we traveled together at night including visiting me in the retreat. He remembers these times.
            I learned more toward the end here that before I was conceived, Babaji helped me choose this new neuronet later in life with the knowledge that this would be a great thing. So it’s been a much longer process than I knew (more discoveries are below). Wondrous things will take place in the Cave; the new neuronet will happen at the end of our stay.

What does the new neuronet mean for me personally? (Oddly, I’m writing this just before I go.) I have three burning desires for this life, none of which I’ve been able to completely achieve. One is for a prince. Second and third are broken down below, but the desire encompassing both: an enlightened humanity creating paradise on Earth.
            Second is to become aware of—and fulfill for myself—the deepest truths of human possibility through being I Am. These include:
Empowered living in harmony, love, joy, peace, abundance and freedom
Successfully doing what we love, giving our gifts to life
Having perfect health (no meds or supplements needed, and really not even food), immortality, and rejuvenation. Our I Am expressing in beauty and perfection of form.
Ascending when we’re complete on Earth, taking the body with us
Eventually, gaining ability to travel with the physical body by thought, manifest direct from universal energy (from air) anything desired, etc.

Third is to teach these truths (along with others), reaching millions of people directly and assisting everyone at least indirectly. (I don’t want and won’t allow “followers,” will not be a guru.)
My new neuronet fulfills every one of these heart’s desires for me. For more of what it does for others, see deeper discoveries below.

Contrary to exhortations from Superman’s parents it is not wrong, and certainly not a problem, to change the past. In fact, I believe just the opposite is true. A Course in Miracles teaches that time will one day stop, and what we thought our brother did to us never happened. Both teachings befuddled me for a long time. Now I see that we will have changed our entire past, so that difficult things never did happen. At the very least, we will have become so completely forgiving, so totally non-reactive about anything that ever happened, that difficult things are entirely erased from our present energies. And further along here I realized that all of time is constantly changing.
From 2005 I worked hard and long to go into my new neuronet, and my master friends said they were learning along with me (it is rare); a number of mistakes were made along the way. For instance, my beloved friend Iris wanted us to do it together with her husband Jerry, and we tried for a long while to make this work, but it simply didn’t. Also, the masters tried to help me make the change when I was asleep, but that proved to be too difficult. A new way needed to be found: thus the guidance to go into the Cave of Symbols. I know now that most of the beliefs I’ve had to overcome to go into the retreat—only now being cleared—kept me from succeeding earlier. But spirit never holds us to time or limitation, ever seeing us as the great I Am of eternal unlimited ability. I was given every assistance to overcome limitations earlier and lord knows, I did my best at the time.
            After first Jerry, later Iris, left their bodies, I kept contact with them. After leaving, Jerry was able to heal the reasons he had to go; Iris left only to be with him. Since they attempted to go into a new neuronet while they were here, and still desire it, and they did the work that now enables it, an amazing thing has been created: they are going to join me in the Cave. They will step from their present fourth dimensional bodies into the fifth, and the four of us (with Arras) will share the wonderful retreat experience together. They will re-live their just-completed 3-D life; being born in their new consciousness, they will be alive today. Arras and I will also create our new neuronet on Earth.
            My own new neuronet has morphed significantly since I first began working toward it, because I continued to change my past and become ready to be born in ever higher consciousness. Also—and I didn’t realize until recently how important this is—humanity’s awakening is changing the entire history of our time on Earth, bit by bit and person by person (thus the past changes I was able to make the call for, below). Humanity can now accept the latest version of my new life, meaning that many people will be able to receive the greater gifts my partner and I have to offer.

Later  discoveries about the new neuronet are below.

Realizing how effective it is to change the past kind of snuck up on me. Only in the last year have I thought to help change, where possible, difficult past events for others. Because time is one, new consciousness in the present changes the past, and vice-versa. Ascended master friends tell me that when humanity is ready for a certain change, be it in the present or the past, they are not allowed to carry it out unless a human on earth makes the call. But they can let you know when a change is ready.
            A few hundred years ago, a dark one got the ear of an Asian king and convinced him that women were unworthy and thus must do the hard work of the land. The king actually sent out a decree to this effect, and it gradually spread to other lands. (Today in parts of Asia I’ve been appalled to see women carrying huge burdens while their husbands played dice and drank; I understand this is a carry-down of that decree.) Calling for a change on humanity’s behalf allowed spirit to send a wise one to become childhood friends with this king, whom the king trusted and followed. The decree was never sent out. I believe I would see more equality now in Asia.
            Most past changes have similarly been around the leadership of a land. Each of them has taken only a short time to do, and the effects are subtle but powerful, uplifting an entire area. Anyone can do similar things.

More Healing
October 12th, 2012: Being shown the importance of getting heaven and earth together and still having a lot of trouble with it. Have to clear a bunch of things from my birth that I thought were already done (but were just partial), things that became foundational carping about being here at all. Feeling abandoned by the masters and heaven, mad at Babaji for not coming here with me (totally illogical); grief, loneliness and anger with my parents for not remembering me from past lives; feeling worthless for being a girl when they wanted a boy, and other dramas.
            I was able to accept a change in the 24 hours that I was whisked away from my mother directly after birth (can you believe such a barbaric practice was the norm in 1940?). I was actually able to see Babaji with my third eye, to feel and know that he was with me, and would stay with me. This has changed my whole outlook toward life, and it changed the new neuronet yet again. This latest scenario now includes communicating with Babaji from infancy, walking and talking with him and other masters from an early age, and therefore becoming ready to teach in my teens. Other aspects of the life: I was done with karma with my folks by age four (instead of decades into this life); knew a deep love at thirteen; married my recently returned love. Began to teach without the fears of unworthiness that held me to small outreach in the present life, so am able to do a great deal more good. I’m living in Mt. Shasta with my husband, and we teach together. (2013: I believe this has morphed yet again, but it evidently includes some things I’m unwilling to see, so it’s a mystery.) (Later: have seen more, it seems to involve consulting in the political arena.)

The Age of Light is In!
December 21st, 2012: this really is the astrological beginning of a new 26,000 year cycle. I knew with many others that there would be no cataclysms; yet it is a moment of enormous import. Though the world looks extremely dark through one set of glasses, when you look through another you see the awakening of humanity as now a collective unconscious which will not allow the dark doings of the past to remain viable on Earth. Many things have already been changed. It will take perhaps 200 years for the golden age to really look golden, but it is opening more every day. What a blessed, blessed time!


            The Crescent in the Eye
            Ways to Heal an Inner Aspect
            The Old Tibetan Monk Joins Up
            Humanity on Earth: a Thumbnail History
            Creating Dreams in 3-D Reality
            Messenger and Guide

January 18th, 2013: Recently spirit told me four new beings are joining in assisting me with this quest. Two of them are old friends; one will bring the message and the other will be the guide. One is Archangel Michael, and I haven’t seen who the other one is. The messenger offered a process to help me, which I accepted. We traveled in lighter body to the Pleiades, where we met a beautiful being (looks like Melchizedek in a picture my old company sells) who helped me get my heart and brain/mind together more deeply to encompass the truth of heaven/earth oneness. I was also shown today how vital it is to clear all fear from the first two chakras, in order to really get heaven/earth as one.

The Crescent in the Eye
About twenty years ago, there appeared suddenly in the vision of my left eye a large, bright crescent, at my seeing level but over toward the left. It looked like a crescent moon, with zigzag lines that formed triangles within it. It stayed anywhere from half an hour to a number of hours, then faded out. I realized that it accompanied a spiritual expansion. The last time this happened in 2012, it showed up for the first time in my right eye.
            Since about January of 2013, I began to notice this same image, but dimmer and smaller, in the lower periphery of my right eye. This time it has stayed and is constantly with me. As I am writing, Djwal Kuhl steps into my mind and tells me that this image is an expansion of light in the body/heart/mind.

Ways to Heal an Inner Aspect
February 2013: Working with aspects of self that are stuck in old consciousness has become an art unto itself, abounding with possibilities. Each aspect comes from this or another life and is unique. Over time, hundreds may want your help. There may be dozens from a particularly difficult life. Some are sub-personalities, usually a past life self. Others may be thought forms or an emotional dynamic between two aspects. Some we can call simply “elements.”
            One way to notice an aspect is to contemplate having something you want. Picture and feel this fulfillment and make it as real as you can. When you’re deeply into it, dive beneath surface consciousness and look for contrary feelings or thoughts. Common ones: I can’t/shouldn’t/don’t deserve to have this.
            If you’re guided to connect with an aspect, it’s important to say first that you love it exactly as it is. You acknowledge that you and it are equal parts of the same being. Let it know what you would like, and ask for its support; but you will continue to love it whether or not it changes. Then one or another of the below solutions may come into play.
            You can ask it about itself: “Why do you think this?” “Why do you feel so scared?” Sometimes it knows and sometimes it doesn’t. If it does it can tell you exactly, e.g. “If we do this we’ll be punished.” “Why?” Continue the conversation until you’ve learned all you can.
You can let it know what you want and that you would like its cooperation. You can say that the fears are unfounded, explain things logically. You can hug and love it. This used to be the only way I knew, but it’s now the slowest method.
A wonderful new way to heal an aspect has come to me (from spirit as always), so simple and quick I can scarcely believe it. I wasn’t clear before that aspects need teaching.
            The discovery came when I realized I still had a big charge on the Korean brothel life, even though it was wiped out of my chronology of lives. I looked very deeply and saw an aspect of myself standing in her room in the brothel, frozen, waiting for the next customer. I walked in, took her hand and lead her out of the building. To my surprise, waiting outside in the driver’s seat of a horse-drawn carriage was Babaji. We climbed in and he drove us into the country to a lovely little home surrounded by a paradise of trees and flowers. We entered, invited her to eat something delicious, bathe, dress in lovely clothes. We began to teach her from the I Am; I stayed only as long as she felt she needed me there. Time being what it is, by my next day she had been five years at this home, with companions learning with her. She and a boy fell in love and created a life on the fourth dimension. She is totally happy and well.
            A very similar scenario has taken place with a number of other aspects, except from the trapped place we would first go into a beautiful meadow and travel from there to the home. Often Quan Yin has joined the teaching. So now my key to healing an aspect in ease and speed is to give the work to masters or higher aspects of self.
            You can try this if you want to heal an inner aspect that feels trapped and frozen. First, see it in its surroundings. You yourself invite it to come out; one may be ready while another needs encouragement and support. Really honor and be with it to help it in a way that works. You can come out into any lovely and welcoming creation you desire. Invite your I Am or master friends to come and teach. A home may be good as a teaching base.
            I think I mention elsewhere two other possibilities for helping an inner aspect. One is to help it meet either the I Am Presence directly (a la “Merge with Your I Am” at the end here) or a beloved master friend. I stay present with the aspect and help it do as it chooses; it is in charge of the meeting. Responses to this are amazingly diverse: one might climb quickly up on a master’s lap; another may not even be able to look at him.
            Another helping action: when an aspect is unable to be with, let alone support, a desired action for one’s life, it can be escorted into the deeper mind. An amazing thing about this is that one moment you can feel overwhelmed by this aspect, and when it goes into the mind you no longer feel it at all. In the deep mind it will be taught by the I Am (or in my case, Babaji) and move forward at its own pace, rejoining the outer consciousness when it’s ready.
            Finally, an aspect may actually leave you and be taken under the wing of a master. Who would have thought this possible?
            A last discovery is toward the end, Dissolve an Aspect in Universal Energy.

The Old Tibetan Monk Joins Up
April 21, 2013: Visited a Bay Area friend for a few days and explored Napa, SF (the Japanese Tea Garden in bloom!) and other wondrous places. I also heard a talk by Jack Kornfield at his Spirit Rock center and was guided to go up and meet him. Peggi was doing all the driving. Completing my stay, I was driving on the two-lane dive-into-the-Bay-on-one-side-or-into-the-traffic-barrier-on-the-other highway 37, when I was suddenly losing control of the car, leaving my body. I gripped the wheel like a drowning man and felt my body flying along behind. I called spirit immediately, praying to be grounded and keep control, and had to work like the devil to do it. When I finally could stop I meditated and realized that meeting Jack had caused an old life as a Tibetan monk to join my present body—and he had never traveled at high speeds! When I got home I called this monk’s enlightenment forward to me. This was ten days ago and I’m still challenged even driving around town. I’m not yet understanding why connecting with an enlightened life is so affecting me; I often feel dizzy just sitting in a chair. I have experienced dizziness for weeks at a time while going through spiritual shifts, but nothing like this.
            I reconnected with my monk self and asked him what he wanted. He asked to join this life, and I invited him to do so. Immediately afterward, there was zero trouble driving and no dizziness; they haven’t returned except very occasionally when I’m driving and he looks out through my eyes and goes “Yikes!”
            Feeling rock solid now about my journey, really clear and so much more one with I Am. I actually expected to meet my guide yesterday; but I sabotaged it, needing to work with final “Earth to heaven, come in, heaven!” difficulties. Tuning in today, Babaji told me the key issue is my fear that life is not love; that the harm humans do is real. I saw that what disturbs me most is people acting cruelly. I have a huge sorrow around this and also a great sense of confusion: how could this be so?

Humanity on Earth: A Thumbnail History
I am guided to add a miniscule human history lesson. The link for me is to forgive the soulless ones, especially, for creating such destruction and havoc in our world. I think people should have this knowledge, and it’s quite a story!
            The book Gnosis and the Law is channelings from masters and archangels—I think mostly accurate—compiled by Tellis Papastavro. Here it’s told that humans really did begin life on Earth in Eden: a paradise of peace, joy and love we knew for about a million years. Humans walked and talked with their I Am Presences and angels, and created ever-greater good and beauty each day. But I was shown that in a dualistic creation, this long time in paradise caused a natural pendulum swing into darkness.
            After this million years, souls from another galaxy—so slow to evolve that they were no longer allowed embodiment there—were allowed after much consideration to be born on Earth. Along with these souls came dark magicians, soulless ones created (not of God) with no spirit center. When these came, the consciousness of welcoming Earthlings began a long spiral downward. The magicians perpetrated the first acts of cruelty on our planet. Humanity was however open to all this, or it would not have happened.
            Two million years of falling consciousness brought humanity into violence, darkness, cruelty, slavery, monster creations—a situation that seemed irreversible. Finally the galactic council decided, reluctantly, to withdraw the elemental kingdom and thus end life on the planet.
            A great lord of Venus, Sanat Kumara, felt that Earth could be saved. He established a base here (now Shambhalla, two ascended master retreats over and beneath the Gobi desert). After centuries, consciousness began to crawl upward; to just approach the Edenic consciousness has taken over four million years. One civilization after another—Lemuria and Atlantis being only the last two— has developed, reached a zenith, and then fallen, like a miniature mirror of beginning times.
            Now—at long last!—we have accomplished what we’ve waited for so long: the beginning of the permanent golden age. The underlying consciousness of humanity has reached the place where the transgressions of the past, as from the soulless ones (who took over human bodies), are no longer allowed. Virtually all remaining non-harmonious action here is either momentum from the past, or karma. Though it may seem hard to believe with all the “leftovers” happening from the old ways, every practice or frequency not harmonious with the joy, freedom, love, goodness and light of real life is no longer supported here and is crumbling from the bottom up. My favorite metaphor for this is the Berlin Wall (forgive me if I’ve used this elsewhere). One day it was so very solid, so real, looking like forever. The next day it was in crumbles. I affirm that we co-create the new age gently and happily, no financial collapse or natural catastrophes needed!
            One problem: the master El Morya saw that because so many people are not ready to ascend with Earth, a new planet must be found for these beloveds to evolve as they choose. It had to be a different galaxy—our whole galaxy is ascending. And a planet was found, though it is not as hospitable as Earth.
            The masters helping humanity waited until the very last minute to begin transporting souls there, giving each a last opportunity to ascend with Earth. But about six years ago, they could wait no longer. Since then, about 100,000 of the 150,000 souls who leave their bodies each day are escorted to the new planet for reincarnation.
            Now has come a wonderful development. For the first six years of the “slower souls” leaving, awakening humanity needed them to be gone—needed breathing room to enter the new age. But recently Jesus and St. Germain initiated a spiritual “crash course” of several months, which they now attend after leaving the body. Those who evolve enough to continue with Earth may do so.
            The first course is about to graduate (this writing is December 2013). Four to five percent of the graduates will be able to return to us and continue their evolvement here. Additionally, the same course is now being continuously offered on the new planet (many teachers have volunteered). I rejoice with the souls blessed by this opportunity!
            Though the age of light has begun, of course we must heal the environment, bring about peace, end corporate/banking dominance and enslavement, etc. Appearances as may be, life on Earth is a nearly incredible co-created dance of love, arising perfect for every being in every moment. Life itself is love, and we are one with life. Can we see its truth? “Life on Earth is as beautiful as our consciousness.”
Creating Dreams in 3-D Reality
May 8th, 2013: Now feels like the last great work (though I’ve felt this before) about heaven and earth coming together: in other words, life in 3-D is wonderful enough for this to happen. I’ve had a huge lesson in discernment today. In my first “lost” lives beginning around 200 A.D., I would try to create something wonderful by sort of squinching up my eyes and seeing it (unknowingly) only in my upper chakras: ethereal. But I always failed, because I DIDN’T ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT COULD HAPPEN. I was not grounded in reality and calling on the power of I Am to bring my desire to manifestation. Life therefore did not have permission to bring my desire to me.
            The first year and a half or so of this process has been very similar. Though I knew my guidance was true, I didn’t yet believe the possibility or have the knowing or acceptance of actually going, physically, into the retreat. But I didn’t know I lacked these things. Becoming grounded last summer and beginning to bring the vision and feeling into my lower chakras, seeing three-dimensional reality, helped me learn I wasn’t ready before. Today I saw clearly the difference between wishing and hoping for something, seeing and feeling it ethereally but not actually believing it was possible, and knowing it is possible here in this life.
            With a sense of ever-greater relaxation and trust, I’ve been feeling for the first time that I cannot fail. Because I naturally persevere in my intention to shed everything I’m not and be who I am, it doesn’t matter where my thought or feeling carries me; it is always forward. This means that, in the perfect time, I will arrive at the destination. If it takes yet awhile, that’s okay—tonight I began victory dances!
            May 9th, 2013: Just keep swimming . . . this morning I woke up boiling mad at the directors of an assisted living complex my father entered, who swindled $70,000 from him. Spirit was showing me the next group to forgive: all who have stolen from me or my loved ones in any lifetime, or tried to: a lower level of violence but still violence, on the financial level. Had to really work with this one. I expanded it to a cosmic blessing (as I do most of my inner work) to include forgiveness, understanding, compassion, honor and love for all who have ever stolen or been stolen from; to assist all who hadn’t forgiven to do so; and on out to call for forgiveness for ourselves and everyone else.
May 18th, 2013: Messenger and Guide
What I understand is that there will be a messenger to give me word of readiness to depart, and a different one to guide me to the Cave. This much was correct about my early “False Trail.” In the last months it settled into these being two male masters, but ones I don’t know. Suddenly this changed, and I don’t really know why except that my energies have shifted to make it appropriate. The messenger will now be Djwal Kuhl or DK, and the guide will be Yogananda. I have found this hard to believe; but over the many different times I have asked, it seems to hold. If it’s true, I am extraordinarily blessed and thankful.
            May 22nd, 2013: Woke up in the middle of the night with the most intense emotions I have known in a very long time. They were from the old, now never-happened Korean brothel life. (It’s surprising to discover that because a life did happen, even if it is wiped out of chronological time, unhealed emotions remain in the soul and must still be released.) I felt overwhelmed by fear, hopelessness, powerlessness, despair, rage, contempt. I could scarcely believe the intensity. Spirit told me I needed to feel each emotion deeply in order to release it. I tried and failed. I called Ganesha, and he revealed a blow by blow picture of my first few days in the brothel, much of which I hadn’t seen. The emotions naturally came up and he was right with me in them. By this focus they dissolved—partially—one by one. (I remember so many truisms from the “est” teachings; one of them is that if you duplicate something it disappears. This is what I experienced here and have before.) But I have more to do.

Restoring our Lost DNA
June 3, 2013: Here is a copy of the email I sent yesterday to my spiritual family; I include it as some readers probably didn’t receive it.

Restore Your Lost DNA

Members of a council, made up of various factions of ETs assisting humanity and Earth, approached me in meditation and asked for my service. They are also approaching others.
            About 37,000 years ago, humanity had become tired of our civilizations falling. (After this of course, Lemuria and Atlantis also sank beneath the sea.) Unconsciously most people wanted to “sleep,” to forget these ups and downs. We wanted to forego the painful hope that this time our civilization would not be obliterated by yet another huge cataclysm.
            Enter a large force of beings with no heart or spirit. They desired to rule humanity, and by unconscious agreement we gave them power, put them in charge. By simple command they were able to alter our DNA by reducing the number of chromosomes in our cells. It took only weeks to change the millions of us then on Earth. This made it a lot harder for us to achieve enlightenment. It made us easier to enslave, to rule. Only a few who were conscious of the activity retained their full DNA. This limited DNA has been ours ever since.

The Good News

Here at the start of the permanent golden age, people staying with ascending Earth are now ready for our DNA to be restored to its full God-measure of chromosomes. It is vital to do this because we cannot be our full divinity without it. All we need do now is ask, it will be done. If you are ready to make the call, you are ready to receive it. It will take about four days.
            Your I Am Presence can do it for you.
            A master of divine love/light can do it.
            The ETs can do it. (Just call the “ET Council.” It will be a safe transmission.)
            Just call. You only need to do it once.

I made the call yesterday morning when I got the message. By last night I felt quite tired, so you may feel this or other things.
            During the night I had two dreams I’ll briefly share. In one, a huge and beautiful bear with shiny red-gold fur (representing the full DNA) was sleeping in a field next to a herd of cows. One cow (representing dull and leadable consciousness) walked over to the bear and nudged him awake. He charged the cow and killed it.
            In the second dream, a road I commonly drove led to an entirely different and happier place.
            The ET messengers added that they believe we will “be surprised” to feel how big this change is for us.
            Blessings upon the full restoration of your DNA!

June 3rd: I’ve been inclined to feel either the “mundane world” or heavenly realms; not both at the same time. When I hear wind through trees, for instance, they mesh: the mysterious sound, unnamable in essence, unembraceable, uncontainable, and magical to me. Twilight also feels like this: it is both day and night, or neither, and full of mystery. Cool breezes suffused with the fragrance of flowers. Ocean waves. Of the deities, Krishna to me is a magical merging of dimensions. And love—the most magical of all.
            It is a fairly big deal when a master steps through from the fifth into the third; it creates a ripple in the consciousness field of Earth. Djwal Kuhl is a master of great wisdom, love, and knowledge. I was helped to feel more of his being, to lift me into being able to be with him. To feel the gravity, the import of his coming and what we are doing.

June 4th, 2013: I’ve felt afraid, disbelieving, disappointed, confused, angry, frustrated, even stopped occasionallyfor days at a time. But what is there but to continue? Inwardly I have been “relentless,” a favorite word of my friend Iris. I have just kept going and kept going. I remember a master’s channeling: our every obstacle to reaching mastery was once an obstacle to present masters.

A Creation with Babaji
“My” Babaji is the immortal master in Autobiography of a Yogi. He has been my best inner friend and mentor on Earth for many thousands of years, and I’ve learned recently that we’ve worked together as equals, and lovers, in another galaxy for a very long time. I have revered and loved him so deeply that this knowledge was hard to accept. But we are all equal I Am beings, and we have each known greatness before and often after coming to this planet; so it is not so far-fetched. Also, Babaji is everywhere present and is in relationship with every person who loves him. Even if someone has known him but forgets him for a time, he remains a constant presence of love for that person.
            In this life Babaji echoed with me how he is in Autobiography. Though he is loving, he’s been so full of equanimity as to seem nearly uncaring. His knowing all is well, life is love, all of us are making our way back in perfect time and way to I Am, gives no reason to be upset.
            Regarding the Korean brothel life: for a very long time, before I ever came to Earth, I’d been curious about the depth of human suffering and what it does to someone. After the time of Christ, from a higher realm I noticed orphans on the streets of Salzburg, Austria, freezing and starving. I wanted to help them and so was born a boy to a homeless mother. She died when I was six, and I starved to death.
            It seems that experience would have been all I needed to satisfy my curiosity. But I’m gradually realizing that I am a person of extremes: I chose, though not consciously, to go “all the way” down into hell. I fell into my next life as a girl, where the soulless one persuaded me to be a nun. The five nun lives created Korea.
            I knew I still had the deepest level of emotion to clear regarding the Korean life. Unless one has experienced this kind of abuse, there is a tendency to say sweetly, “Just let it go, dear. Just forgive.” Ah, if it were that easy. Physical abuse, unless one is enlightened enough to let it go the moment it happens, clenches the muscles and other body systems. It becomes visceral. It lodges deep in the emotional body. It is carried into every lifetime. (I believe however that it will become easier to release even the deepest things as we move further into the age of light.)
            Feeling ready one day to release more of this, I called Ganesha. What came was sorrow, to be abandoned by my family and treated like a dirty rag by an endless stream of men. In the hopelessness of it, I began to fishtail my hand through the hordes toward the end of the line, my mouth doing a passionate ch-ch-ch! Babaji’s face appeared to me, and I DEMANDED—that’s the only way I can say it—that he FEEL WITH ME. That he FEEL my sorrow.
            He joined me, and felt with me so deeply that I began to cry. I fell out finally into the light at the end of the line of men, and into his arms. I sobbed and sobbed as he held me. 
            Gradually my tears subsided and I went on with my day. But Babaji appeared entirely new. His face before mine was serious and intense. After some hours I asked about it. “I am God, and I am Man,” he replied cryptically. I felt a shifting of great portent. 
            Finally, he took me “up” with him to the Universal Council (didn’t know there was such a thing). He said to the Council, “The hour has come for a new relationship between God and Man. Man is reaching up, and God must do more to reach down, to ease and quicken Man’s upward journey.”
            He went on to say, “The awakening of love now happening through the universe wants strengthening from the expression of infinite love and equality between man and woman, including the infinite ways of sexual union. I therefore call upon your assent to gather enlightened couples from throughout the universe to form this loving intent and carry it out with every appropriate planet.” The Council assented.
            He and I were the first couple, representing Shiva/Shakti (destroyer of the old/birth of the new) energy. Krishna and Radha joined us to represent Vishnu/Lakshmi (sustaining, well-being) energy, and one other couple to represent Brahma/Saraswati (the pure creative plus knowledge, arts, science) energy. (There is nothing here about a specific religion; the three kinds of life energy are clearly recognized in the Hindu triumvirate.) Soon others joined. Babaji, elated and excited, reported to me each day how the project had grown. Now the couples are complete, over three hundred.
            First, we gathered to become clear about our goals and set the intention. The major goals are two: to make known the new relationship between Goddess/God and Woman/Man; and to send out the energy of divine love between man and woman. For each planet in the universe (I hear something over a hundred) with humans in third dimensional form, there are three couples (representing each kind of energy) at work. This is already bringing major shifts in the consciousness and well being of humanity everywhere.
            From an old teacher (don’t remember which one) I read that every problem holds in its hands for you a gift of equal measure. Something I realized after this creation began with Babaji: this deepest pain I have experienced gave me, and us, this gift.

Goodbye to Three Old Friends
June 13th, 2013: My dear friend Amorah Quan Yin passed on today, after giving herself and her sister a big car wreck. I knew months ago that she was going to leave. Her sister, who was visiting, will recover. Our favorite activities, as she couldn’t walk far, was brunch at the Cornerstone Café on Sundays and a dinner in Ashland at the Thai Pepper and a movie or play. Amorah is now quite happy in a lighter realm. I and all of us who know and love her wish her the greatest blessings and happiness in her new adventure.
            Later, in July, my long-time friend Roger Young also passed. He was dedicated to the truth of the power to heal like Jesus did, and was fascinated with the masters. We shared many lovely walks and talks and dinners. Blessings to his soul.
            Finally, in early September, Erik Berglund, an internationally known angelic harpist and healer and beloved member of our spiritual community, went on into the higher realms. His spirit is Archangel Jophiel. He was immediately at work with big plans for the world.
            What a time for transitions of all kinds!

Retreat Experiences I’ve Been Shown
I don’t see the retreat well from my physical body. Much comes from Godfré’s experiences in The Magic Presence that have been confirmed in my interactions with St. Germain. Others are additional things. I have been there in a fifth dimensional body since July 2012, and have learned some about this. I’ve been taken to all the ascended master retreats, including those I’m not aware of in this consciousness. The teachers have given me mind-boggling knowledge of universes and dimensions.
            From this life I’ve been asked to bring all the pictures from my AMI business; I find this rather surprising. These, Prince, my two computers (though not to use), and one envelope with pictures of family and friends is what I’ll be taking with me, this being written near the end.
            When we arrive the retreat residents will be—unless it changes— two teachers, three inventors, and four initiates who are making the transition to ascended master.
            The private rooms are round, changed effortlessly to match the preferences of anyone coming to stay for a time. Arras’ and mine is indigo, gold and cream. Iris and Jerry’s is violet, gold and cream. Each room includes a beautiful round bath that fills with warm, enlivening water upon request. Clothes are here for us. The air is ever fresh and fragrant, and the rooms are lit and heated “magically,” which on this dimension is completely natural. We hardly ever sleep.
            Food and drink are precipitated from the invisible here, and it is light, delicious and vivifying. We learn how to create our own at any time. We dine with our fellow residents at eight in the morning and eight in the evening, expanding our joy and wisdom by sharing with each other. We listen to enthralling music from seen or unseen musicians and singers.
            The inventors share their creations for humanity for the past, present and future. (Other ascended master retreats have invention activities as well.) After one of these dedicated masters has readied an invention and humanity is ready for it, it is released into the thought stream of Earth. The car, the airplane, the computer and the internet are more recent gifts; also medical inventions.
            Each day we serve humanity and Earth by speaking the word from I Am and acting as we are requested. From our teachers we learn things about our individual selves and histories, and wider knowledge. We learn various siddhis like travel by thought and manifesting from the ether. 
            We meet with St. Germain “in person;” I feel so awed just thinking of this. His beautiful countenance and voice, his love and radiant smile, our gratitude and thanks for his creation of this place, are beyond words. He escorts us to various ascended master retreats where we spend whatever time is right, meeting masters and carrying out suggested activities. In one of these, I believe Shambhala, I have met aspect of myself which ascended (my etheric body split) in 1986.
            There is a fifth-dimensional outdoors created also by St. Germain, with stately trees, lovely flowers, birds and butterflies, a pure gurgling stream, hills in the distance. We go here for adventures and fun. The trees are surprisingly of only two kinds: the cedar of the Russian taiga and the live oak found in the American south. Arras tells me the birds are different from those in the States, colorful and exotic. The flowers on the other hand we know: roses, lilies, daffodils, tulips are some. Everything grows and changes, but there is not that feeling we have in earth life where every day is different. There is sunlight with no sun, and fixed stars at night.
            My cat Prince, alias Kit, is so happy here that he chooses to stay rather than accompany us into the new life. His sexuality is restored and a lovely female kitty is created for him. Later I learned that after his death he will become human—a rarity—an emanation of my own I Am Presence.
            Occasionally we assist someone to rejuvenate and ascend—what an honor! They sit in the acceleration chair and the light gradually becomes blinding. When the time is right we also will sit in this chair to bring our consciousness for physical form to the place where our earthly bodies don’t age or die. Several masters assist this process.
            When we are complete here, the four of us (now six) will be escorted to the ascended master retreat within Mt. Shasta to begin new fifth dimensional lives. Here I will reunite with my ’86 ascended aspect. We will also begin our new neuronets on the physical plane, or rather pick up at about this time in our already very different lives. Arras and I are also choosing to be born at this time in new lives on earth, simpler and more private lives. For the first time we will have children, two sons. We’ll continue our fourth dimensional lives, as will Iris and Jerry.

Recreating My Time on Earth
July 30th, 2013: Been interesting over the last weeks, playing around with feeling 99 percent ready. Over with friends for dinner the other night, I suddenly had to lie down, felt cold and sweaty and threw up some, had to stay still for 20 minutes.
            In meditation I was again taken to the Korean brothel life, the first two days. I had not yet conquered the freezing fear, the stopping of breath. (Of late I’d specially noticed a limit to my breathing.) Worked with it over the next three days, ending with a rebirthing (connected breathing, the therapeutic technique founded by Leonard Orr) with Herakhan Babaji helping. Baba helped me feel and know that everything is God, you stay alive, awake and observant, you breathe it all in, you feel all your feelings, you don’t resist or judge anything, you simply experience it. Then nothing, no matter how difficult, keeps its hooks in you (your hooks in it). Finally, I breathed through all remaining emotions and my breath did truly free up for the first time in 1500 years.
            I was also shown—and this was an even bigger prize—to change how I came from Sirius to Lemuria to help out on Earth 37,000 years ago. (Lots of us have similar histories.) Many Lemurians had forgotten their divinity, and if they became ill they sought healing from the priestesses and priests. They thought we were superior to them, and we had a lack in understanding where we believed this was true. Thus for a long, long time I felt superior to most humans.
I saw to change my past. I was able to find myself in Sirius, preparing to come to Earth. I showed myself the complete falsehood of believing I was superior to anyone. I taught myself to bow to each and every individual, seeing the goddess/god in each, and to speak to them of our absolute equality. When I got there I helped them heal the inner cause of illness, and remember their divinity. I also spoke to the other priests and priestesses about our equality and being true to that.
            The result of all this was great happiness coming to my soul from these times. I was able, finally, to let go of the over-responsibility, the burden that comes from thinking others are less than oneself; then one has no choice but to be a caregiver. In fact we are all perfect, every moment, with the choices we are making. No one needs fixing and we can all—even me!—be joyously free.

July 26th: Along this long road I’ve received many messages from spirit, especially St. Germain, that I am close or ready to go, only to discover with disappointment that I have more to clear. But the quality and anticipation of “being ready” brings the most rapid fulfillment. If I had been told in the beginning that it would take me more than two years, yawn, I’ll just wait for that. Only by standing on tiptoe at the very edge of the diving board are we ready to dive, and this is why I received those messages that in hindsight seemed premature. This has been a vital learning for me.

Erasing Akashic Records
Babaji said that though fears were now diminished, it would help to erase the akashic records of the original lives. I had no idea this could be done, I’ve never heard of it. I assumed that when you changed difficult lives to happier ones, the originals, if not in the mainstream of consciousness, still remained forever. But as I trust him totally, I thought it over and said “Go for it!” I felt this huge whoosh of clearing. The old lives are still remembered, but they are like dim grey images. (Still, as I came to know, unhealed emotional issues even from erased lives can still need work.)

Me as “Perp”
Reading Jack Kornfield’s book Bringing Home the Dharma has roused some very difficult, helpful things. I discovered a deeper fear of losing control; but the most profound change involves that “black, slimy” camping critter who tried to do me in, hating me so that El Morya took him in. I have thought of myself as kind, a healer and teacher in my past lives. What I hadn’t allowed myself to see was that I was sometimes mean, unconscious, holding back good that others needed, a thief, etc. I felt so ashamed of these things that I had buried them, thus the slimy black fellow. It turns out he was the Salzburg orphan who became a pickpocket to keep him and his mother from starving. He came back to me, all mellow and shiny with love from being with El Morya. He understood and forgave me.
            The truth that we each really do our best, every moment, came home to me more deeply than ever before.

The Healing Breath and Rejuvenation
Babaji directed me to a book I’ve had for decades, Sexual Secrets by Nik Douglas and Penny Slinger, which approaches sex as sacred, from the energies of the Hindu triumvirate Brahma, Shiva and Vishnu. I hadn’t read much of it before, but now one of the first things I found was a breath they call the Healing Breath. I was guided to begin it, and concentrate on the rejuvenation of my glandular system. A month or so later, I’ve noticed that the flesh of my arms and legs, which had begun to look like that of a 70+ person, has snapped back into a more youthful appearance. I had once before by simple intention done this same youthing, but didn’t have the consciousness to hold it. The Healing Breath, it seems, may do it for you! Here it is.
            It’s done to a count of 1 for the inbreath, 4 counts for the held breath, and 2 counts for the release. On the inbreath you take in all the life-giving properties of the air, the prana, including joy, light, love, health, energy, strength, beauty—everything. Just intend it, you don’t have to think of each quality. As you hold the breath you envision these wonderful qualities circulating through your whole body. On the outbreath you release into the earth all that no longer serves you, for purification.
            They suggest that the count be not numbers but rather something like your heartbeat or a positive phrase. I’ve been using the phrase “My heart is serene, strong, radiant and kind,” said silently and slowly, which is about the right length for me. If you choose a phrase say it once to yourself on the inbreath, four times on the held breath (use your fingers to count, you easily lose it) and twice on the outbreath. Use one hand to count the number of full cycles; Babaji suggests seven or nine. Enjoy!

August 26th: Meditation to allow DK. Though I felt many good changes, after about an hour and a half it wasn’t done. My attention and expectation began to flag. I didn’t understand why DK hadn’t appeared.
            August 27th, writing from clarity about what happened. Four soulless beings, whose bodies had died, were attached to individuals in our area (through their unconscious permission) and were determined to keep the light of truth from shining here. These beings deserve no blame; they were unwisely created with no spiritual center by gods such as you and me, and are doing their best in the only way they know. They cannot be born of woman, but because free-will humans were unconsciously open to darkness and the appearance of victimhood, they used to be allowed to oust the soul from a human body and take it over. They always chose a son of a wealthy family, usually as a toddler. They have run the Illuminati and similar organizations.
            By 1961, however, the totality of human consciousness supported more light, love and truth on the planet. Thus these beings were no longer allowed to steal a human body, though they have been allowed to live out their lives on Earth. After death, their influence may continue; many enter the auras of susceptible people, especially in areas of great light like Mt. Shasta, where they have significantly dimmed the outgoing radiance of the ascended masters from within the mountain, or places of darkness such as war-torn countries. Then they perpetuate their agenda as best they can. But as in Hindu stories, if the evil they do goes “over the top,” they may no longer operate.
            Djwal Kuhl’s appearance was new, outside the mountain, and the imprint would greatly increase the light here, helping people rise into the I Am. Those four beings rose up to fight it tooth and nail—and their activities went over the top. Arras tells me this morning that during the night Babaji took us with him to witness the four being taken from their human individuals. Then Babaji escorted them to the planet where live others of their kind, and from which they may not return to Earth.

September 9th: I asked how many soulless beings remain on Earth, and I got several hundred attached after death to people’s auras and between three and four hundred still alive in their stolen bodies. I asked if I had the right, the night before I planned to do a meditation, to command that any such beings in the area be taken from their individuals to their planet, and was surprised to hear yes. “Not only that,” Babaji said, “you have the right to call for all of these who have left their bodies to be taken from Earth.” Was I surprised! While in their bodies, these beings did their best to wreak havoc, damage, fear upon humanity and the planet. In this beginning of the age of light, their time on Earth is over.
            I was shown to make the call, but something had to be added: wherever a vacuum was created in someone’s aura or their surroundings, it was to be filled with love and light. The call went something like this:
            In the Name and by the power and authority of I Am That I Am of Joanna and Arras, I call for all soulless beings attached to people to be removed from Earth at the earliest possible moment. I further call that upon the death of his body, each one of these beings be immediately taken from Earth. Thanks be to Goddess God I Am, and so be it.
            Aftermath: Djwal Kuhl tells me I would not believe how much good this has done. Babaji said in his cryptic way, “It has changed Earth forever.”

September 30th, 2013: The meditation to invite Djwal Kuhl again drew out and out, and I became impatient. Finally I stood up as if to expect and embrace him, and suddenly came face to face with an eyes-wide-open, absolutely clear reality that he was not going to come. It was like ice water thrown in my face.
            When the thought comes up: “See, it’s always something! It’s never going to happen and you’re just kidding yourself. I told you so!” Babaji’s answer: “This is just one of the things you are overcoming. Treat it as such.”

As of this time I was expecting—it had changed a lot—to meet with DK, get ready to go, and then Yogananda would drive with me to the retreat. New and unexpected information: because snow is now so deep there, Yogananda will help me travel to the Cave by thought. This means I unpack and will be taking much less with me.
            He said, “You will need a carrier for Prince.” I asked why, I could just hold him in my arms (the dogloo is too large). He replied, “It would be too risky for him. He could get lost.” I bought a strong cat carrier.

The Switch to Babaji
October 27th: I was meditating to welcome Djwal Kuhl, and feeling mighty close. I picked up Babaji’s picture to help my consciousness. Suddenly his face began to morph into three dimensions! I was guided to raise my frequencies higher—it feels like three times higher—than I have ever gone in this life. When I got “fast” enough, it was Babaji I was welcoming instead of DK! He showed me what I already knew: I had always longed for him to come but felt too scared, too small, loved him so much I couldn’t face it, all that stuff. Now, largely because I’d been able to transform my relationship with DK, I was more ready. He told me it was best that the time between his first appearance and our leaving for the retreat be as short as possible, preferably later the same day and no more than three days.
            Since then I’ve done the meditation with Babaji, and a number of things have come up. None of them have been in the “try but don’t do” department; I have been doing everything necessary to allow him. Today, things happened similar to the DK incidents with the soulless ones. A large, ominous dark being came over and in spite of all the masters with me, I felt his presence and was interrupted. I learned that this was the soulless one who persuaded me to become a nun, a path that diverted me from doing all I could for Earth and led me into hell. He was also the owner of the brothel and once chopped off my head. He was sent away for good. Some minutes later I felt weakened, my neck began to loll, I couldn’t concentrate. I felt unfriendly beings with me but couldn’t tell who they were. This time the dark ones had sent to me from my past mean people (such as the I Am being acting as a witch/bitch brothel keeper) I had felt subject to. We sent them away.

New Neuronet Fully Grokked
November 4th: Babaji has revealed the full, surprising picture of the new neuronet. Every being who has come to assist Earth and her people is needed; each is part of a delicate balance with those who work to bring life down. You can think of it as a web or network of light in which each strand is vital.
            I had been with Jesus and had learned to embody great wisdom and power. In the next life, I felt confident that I could lift up the orphans and so was born among them (see above); also in play was my curiosity to know what the deepest suffering does to souls. When I incarnated after my orphan life, the dark ones, having both psychic and sidddhic power, recognized an opportunity to tip the balance toward darkness by undermining a lightworker who’d been on Earth 35,000 years. A soulless being took temporary form as the false teacher. The ensuing nun lives and the Korean brothel gave me wisdom I wanted, satisfied that curiosity big time, but kept me from fulfilling my chosen role in the unfolding dance of dark and light on Earth. Other lightworkers—about a thousand—were similarly diverted.
            An opportunity has been sought to “make up for lost time,” to restore humanity to where it would have been if all of us had continued our assistance without interruption. The new neuronet is this opportunity. The thousand will all be born around 1940, when Earth’s energies first began to significantly speed up. They’ll have at birth the consciousness they have reached (whether or not in physical form) today. As these thousand join the change of time, divine light and love will shine stronger earlier on Earth and we will be in a much happier world today. Any for whom it is right to help the golden age come in more quickly and easily by being born in a new life somewhere around 1940, may join the new neuronet action. If you feel called, talk with your I Am Presence or a beloved master and see what you discover.

I learned later that the changes will be quite dramatic, and asked why the addition of only a thousand lightworkers to the more than a million currently assisting will make such a difference. The answer was that the ones who were diverted were targeted because they had already done much good for a very long time and were set to do even more.

More people will have waked up to divinity. I'm told that in America, hunger will be mostly a thing of the past. The middle class will be robust and prosperous. Women will be more recognized as equal with men, more valued and equally treated. The environment will be healthier. In other countries too there will be improvements. The movement for peace on earth will be stronger. Other details are listed below.
            As others learn to do individual neuronets as well, life will become ever more beautiful.

I’ll Never Do It
November 15th: DK suggested I go after the fears that have been hardest to conquer: fear of the new; I’ll never do it; it won’t happen and I’ll be devastated; and I’ll get 99.9999% done but not 100%.
            First of all I realized I needed to give myself a Plan B. I decided that if it didn’t happen I’d go to India or somewhere else where I could live on little and concentrate on my spiritual expansion. This is easy, I have a friend already doing it. When I gave myself this alternative, I felt myself relaxing deeply. I also knew I would not need it.
            I faced the fear of Babaji coming for a physical meeting—I’ve gone in and out of acceptance with this, and I got back into acceptance. He suggested I think of all the manifestations of spirit in my life that I saw with my eyes, felt in my body, heard with my ears; and there are so many! Spirit has always guided me aright. I got the reality of my guidance to the core of my being.

November 18th, 2013: A large “Aha!” about the time it’s taken to become ready for this. I remembered today that some time ago, St. Germain told me I could wait to clear/heal all obstacles, or I could go without everything being done. I chose to go as quickly as I could. But when push came to shove, I did not feel able or willing to put aside things arising for clearing; I could not seem to help taking the time to do each bit of work that presented itself.  I only today understood why St. Germain would say “You are ready,” and then the process drew out much further.

Touching Bottom
November 19th: Did a welcoming of Babaji, and felt so blooming close. It stretched out, but I felt more and more wholly in the reality of his presence.
            Herakhan Baba, an incarnation of Babaji still in the physical (though he appeared to put his body down in 1984), came in to inform me he would be one with Babaji in our meeting, so I focused on both of them. I have a precious, perhaps 3”x4”, fuzzy photograph of Herakhan Baba when he first appeared in 1970 from the ethers, full grown, in a cave he’s been associated with for other incarnations of Babaji. (Pictures of him, Babaji, St. Germain, Dkwal Kuhl, Yogananda, Quan Yin and other great masters, ascended masters, angels and deities can be purchased from my old business, Ascension Mastery International, at the site SacredImages-ami.com.)
            After a long while meditating, finally I “touched bottom” in a way I hadn’t for 2,000 years. I touched the earth and knew it was love. By then I was done for the day; but Herakhan Baba kept saying to me, “You have reached it. You have gotten the consciousness.”

Agreement with Marjorie
Another delay, leading to my mother Marjorie. Mother was a beautiful, talented, intelligent woman with the feminine grace of a goddess, a desire to serve life, open-minded and tolerant, one who helped bring racial integration peacefully to Memphis when we lived there. Something she wasn’t able to see was an extremely insecure and fearful little girl inside, who had longed for success and fame for lifetimes but had never experienced it. Babaji told me today that she had come into this life with a heart that was already broken, hopeless, about achieving her goal to be a famous actress in this life. She did her very best with my sister and me, and there was much goodness. On the inner planes, with me especially, that little girl inside her demanded that I never rise to her level in my life. I didn’t know until today that I actually created an agreement with her because I was too scared to say no.        
            I realized this demand of hers in my twenties, and did a lot of work with it over the years. I thought I was no longer affected by it. But today, there was my little girl of four afraid of doing something great today because she thought it broke the agreement. I asked if, in my new mode, this could go into the deep mind, but was told it was directly in my path and must be dealt with consciously.
            Since she left her body in ’98, Mother (and now Jim) have been helping life from the fourth dimension. I haven’t bothered to learn much about this dimension; I had assumed her Earth troubles were now gone. But spirit said she was still carrying this burden, and it was best if we faced it together.
            She was way out there, it took a bit for her to hear me and come. I explained what was happening, and watched in amazement her ego blazing up like a cobra from a basket, hissing “How DARE you know this?!”  She and I talked for a time; she was unable to move through it and left again, but she will now become open to healing.
            I worked with my little girl, and we smashed the agreement to smithereens! She’s still mad—I’m helping her with forgiveness—but she’s so delighted to be finally free!

November 22nd: A bow to JFK, whose body left us 50 years ago today. What a magical presence! What a gift he and Jacqueline (twin flames) gave us. He continues to work for us, Bobby too. Martin too.
            The day after the episode with Marjorie brought up unworthiness that had never been laid to rest, and other sorrows. All was led into the mind, but I was unable to do more. My little girl is still mad.
            The following day I saw with greatest clarity Marj’s and my whole relationship. As a boy in Holland I had been desperately in love with her, and she died. Choosing one another as daughter and mother in this life, with all its troubles, has been a difficult but perfect co-creation that offered much wisdom.
I helped both her and Jim change lives leading up to this life (these will kick in in the new neuronet), and the poverty in their early years of marriage, so they could be happy and fulfilled. In the new neuronet she now has known past life success and fame, and seen the shallowness of these compared to the deep gifts of life. She came into this life wanting to be a loving mother and able with her whole self to encourage her girls to be all they could. My father Jim was a newspaper advertising director, always wanted to be an editor but hadn’t allowed it due to past guilt. Now in this life he was an awesome editor of two of America’s great newspapers. The ways I’ve helped them are a return gift; though who can possibly repay a parent for the millions of things they do to bring up a child?
            Today in meditation I saw a final thought form absorbed from Mother: “Something will always undermine it.” I had seen it, felt the emotional certainty of it, but somehow had never addressed it.
Small Self to Great Self and the Naked Ego
Later November 23rd: I worked with thought, feeling and my desires to both stay small and be the I Am. I saw that even when I merged with my I Am in meditation I was “managing” it from ego consciousness. I saw that actually being the I Am was a step I felt afraid of but knew I must take. That all of us have to take. Babaji: “This is the essential step from humanity to divinity.” Toward the end I was able to allow my small self to feel bigger, a work in progress.
            November 24th: Today made a great leap forward by uniting with Babaji more deeply than I ever have. It was profound. He says this helps us to meet.
            November 25th: the naked ego. When old blocking aspects come up, ego has grabbed hold of them to keep me from succeeding. But now, spirit can automatically lead them into the mind. If my field becomes unclear, it can be immediately cleared. If a being shows up to snafu the works, he can be sent away without my knowing anything about him. This was the situation today, and my ego went crazy from fear that if it couldn’t mess up things it would cease to exist. It had to expose itself as the bully, the mean one demanding that we not do this thing. All the thoughts in its arsenal glared in headlines through my meditation.
            Good came from this. Though the ego is part of self, we can identify with it or not. The past years I’ve learned to love and acknowledge it as my creation from lost lives. I’ve apologized many times for creating it so, and offered it love and joy, so far without success. But I also tell it its beliefs are false and I am not following them. Today I saw that more of me than I knew was identifying with ego; it felt like the real me saying these gnarly things. I was guided to peel the ego away from the part that had identified with it, something I hadn’t done before. This part of “I” felt relief and joy to be free.
            I was shown to create a fierce and impeccable warrior from my masculine I Am who owns every skill: physical, spiritual, psychic, and mental. He will fight the ego without anger, but invincibly. A ten-foot wall went up to enclose my meditation space.
            I thought that was it, but Babaji showed me a feminine side that feels like a small girl afraid of the bullying, who believes what the ego says. As long as she was involved the ego would have a way in. It took a special effort, but she was able to go into the deep mind for protection and healing.
            From today came a deep realization that’s been staring at me this whole time. When I go all out and it doesn’t happen, what is highest and best does happen; a clearer and easier path is created. I completely dropped thinking in terms of being “undermined,” “delayed,” “failing,” etc., and recognized with my emotional body the truth of the entire process: success each day in moving forward like a train cleaving deep snow. What a blessing! And lord, it seems like one day anymore brings lifetimes of expansion.
November 26th: First, an unexpected message from Babaji: “Your ego is hearing you now.” And there it was, in my face. It felt pretty sneaky and resentful, but said “I never believed you when you offered me love and joy. I thought you were mocking me. Now I think you’re telling the truth.” It wasn’t ready to change in the moment, but went off to consider things more deeply. I was totally surprised, as all this time it has refused to budge the tiniest iota. The warrior was happy to help it transform.
            On December 2nd,my ego came to me ready to now accept love. The warrior has become its friend. I saw it at first like a little warped child, skin and bone and pitch black all over. I gave it a bottle of milk, cradled and caressed it. It was able to transform into a young and beautiful boy of four, and went off with the warrior to play and learn all about being loved and happy and loving. Wow!
Before meditating, feeling sorrowful for no reason I knew. I’d become aware of an attraction to sorrow, from my mother. I’ve often felt a b.s. factor—maudlin, sappy, boring—with people who are habitually sad; and here I was indulging in it myself. I did a great big clearing!
            Felt dread about doing the meditation, but finally got to a place somehow electrified and expanded. With my friends and my love we did the bare minimum: merged with the I Am; I opened my chakras, and spun up into ascension frequency. (Three things spin, all horizontally clockwise: the atoms, the chakras and the aura.) Babaji suggested that I merge with him in love as much as I could, and that all of us do the same. Also that we see him there in the room.
            He completed unifying with the environment—he has to clear 50 miles in every direction and put protective bubbles around lots of people—and we all were with him in love. As time drew out, the love got deeper and deeper. (Another thing I’ve learned is to not wait, just be at peace and in unity.) Suddenly I felt one of us withdraw, something was off. I looked and saw that once again I was blocking his coming and would not allow it today. I ended the meditation and looked for the reasons. The first thought that came up was addressed to him and said, “How dare you invade my space?” The second one was, “It’s too much for you to come, just too much.” Embarrassed by these thoughts, I asked if they had a cause, getting yes.
            A little backstory: I understood long ago that I had once been decapitated, but had never seen that death. A few days ago I found myself wondering about it. Today I was shown that in a teaching life six to seven hundred years ago, I was still carrying fears of harm from the Korean time—fears that had come true in earlier lives. In this life I was now expanding my consciousness and my outreach, simultaneously increasing my fear. But I always felt safe in my little hut. One morning as I worked there, suddenly the same soulless one I’ve known appeared in the room as a demon, sword in hand. My etheric (astral or fourth dimensional) body, in a frenzy of fear, jumped off from my physical body. Then this being unceremoniously lopped off my head. 
            I went to forgive him for killing me and found it surprisingly easy, because my soul had immediately joined Babaji. What was much harder was the sudden appearance of a demonic being in my home, bent on murder. The split-off etheric body, ignoring Babaji’s attempts to help her, was still in that place.
            Babaji went to fetch her, finally won her trust, and brought her to me. She’s now with the two of us, preparing to join the rest of my consciousness. Of course she needs to forgive, and let in healing and peace.
            Later discovered that the “me” remaining with the body, experiencing the shock of losing its head, also needed healing and was able to go into the deep mind.
            A final and most surprising thing occurred today. As I was forgiving my soulless foe, he suddenly appeared to me. He was contrite. Contrite. I couldn’t believe it. Was this the same one who had pulled a nasty pall over a recent meditation? I was amazed to see that he has become one of the few soulless beings who has accepted the help of an I Am Presence to feel love. Not only that, it is my I Am Presence. She says that a few days ago he suddenly didn’t want to be up to his old destruction any longer, but didn’t know what to do with himself. He called my I Am to help him.
            He felt guilty, remorseful for causing me such fear and pain. But I told him that we had co-created perfectly together, first because of my curiosity to experience deep suffering and second, I wanted to know I was protected. After he cut off my head I declared, “Enough! No more harm. None.” I meant it, and have been protected ever since. So the result was good. I wished him every blessing, and he departed.
            The deepest gratitude I feel is that merging in love with Babaji is exactly what gave me the courage to face and clear this horrendously fearful moment.

December 2nd: Another couple of meditations to meet Babaji, successfully bringing up something different that was highest and best. One was from earliest infancy to about four, when I so yearned, every day, that this day my parents would finally remember our past lives together and unite with me in greater love. It never happened. From that I took that my deepest desires would not come true.
            A way to connect with a past you and help it: ask spirit to connect you at the best time. Place yourself at your bedside, just as you are about to sleep. Say something like, “My beloved self, I love you. I am you from the future and you are me from the past; we are the same being. I’m here to help you.” Then explain what is happening or about to happen and how they can be different with it. Invite them to say or ask anything. Do as you feel, maybe caress their head. You can leave yourself with them (you don’t need to remain conscious of it) to give them greater love and joy, or you can ask a master (Quan Yin?) or your I Am to stay with them.
            My two-year-old self was able to hear that they simply weren’t remembering their past lives, it was asking them for something they were unable to give, and to let it go and just be here and be as happy as I could be. She was able! An interesting aside: she told me about a second life, as the wife of my father, that I had never seen. The present echo of that time also needed help, and got it.
            A remarkable teaching today on elementals. An elemental in this case is a self-created entity that feeds upon our negative emotional energy. If we develop a strong charge about something in life, and keep returning to the emotion around it, this can create an elemental. Nearly all of us have them. It habitually cycles around to get its “hit.” We can think we’re over something, we’ve left it behind, when suddenly it sneaks up from behind and clobbers us. There we are again, back in the same old destructive thought-feeling.
            Spirit recommends that we create a warrior self from our masculine I Am. An elemental we discover can then be given to this warrior to take care of, help it heal and become happy. An elemental can also be escorted into the deep mind. I never knew these things before today.

December 3rd: Both part of yesterday and today were spent clearing the events of deepest terror that I finally grew into the readiness and courage to face, including being burned at the stake and having a foot hacked from my body. The same soulless being instigated both of them. Forgave him again as well as the others involved, released all fears, all is well.

December 4th: Trained today by Babaji to merge in love with him/life/all. Though I’d done a bunch on this, it was time to go a step further. I knew the words: drop boundaries, let ego go, etc., but in truth I had no idea how to begin. Gradually over the evening I was led deeper and deeper. The final step was to picture myself, to be, a galaxy—nameless, faceless and identity-less—and him a different one, and merge into one galaxy. Let go of “managing” I Am. I was, finally, able to feel our stars moving between one another and “let it fly,” no control, and feel the great joy of truly merging with another.
            Arras tells me he also did the deepest ever merging in love with Babaji, “the greatest spiritual experience I have known.”  I feel an immediate difference in his presence; he seems to have gone from human to god in one day.

December 5th: I did today’s meditation “in private,” with Arras and masters but without my friends, as the merging with Babaji just kind of needs both privacy and time. I reached the needed consciousness and was able to stay there—two accomplishments I have worked mighty long to achieve. Though I wasn’t ho-hum, I also was not intense. Again, time drew out. Two friends joined me unexpectedly to help and were most welcome: Anastasia of Vladimir Megré’s books (she is most definitely real) and Leonard Orr, my old rebirthing teacher. Anastasia especially helped with intensity of feeling and expectation.
            I reached the place where I felt I could no longer hold the focus well, took a break, and came back to ask questions and get clearer. I asked Babaji why, when I knew I had reached and held the required consciousness, it was still taking so long for us to meet. I finally understood: the energy builds to the point where a great event can happen. The more import a desired event holds, the more energy is needed for it to manifest. He is with me equally surrendered to life, which will birth our meeting.
            I’ve been recalling in recent weeks Yogananda’s urgent prayer to Babaji the night before he was to sail for America, Babaji’s request through Yogananda’s guru Sri Yukteswar. Yogananda wanted to know this was a true guidance.
            His prayer reached ever more impassioned heights, until it felt like he would burst. There was a gentle knock on the door. Babaji stood there. He entered and spoke with Yogananda, telling him this was indeed a request, as he was hearing many cries from western people for help in spiritual understanding.
            Yogananda came forward today to help me see that the more intense, urgent, heartfelt is one’s meditation, the more quickly the energy builds. He reminded me of the actual intensity of this situation: humanity needs this to happen. It will change life in wonderful and vital ways. It is a great and true desire and intention of my heart since before conception. It will also fulfill the greatest desires I have had for this life.
            My two vital lessons today are 1) the energy builds, and 2) the more intense you are, the quicker it builds. I had soft-pedaled the intensity before now, as it felt risky—too much disappointment then if it didn’t happen. I did a bit more work, and this time allowed myself to feel the intensity of this mighty thing we are doing. I will do this next time.

December 6th: Moved into the greatest intensity of love with Babaji I’ve ever felt. Tears in my eyes. Dipped into it for a time and came back out, all I could do. I hear from him that it is our ancient love and merging that is the key to the new neuronet. I don’t fully understand this.
            December 9th: Deeper and deeper. More and more, words don’t work. The biggest change was giving the meeting to God, to life, to love, to direct, to help us give a gift to It. Helpful to see beyond the two of us. Both surrendered in love, deeper and deeper love. Able to stay in I Am and in our love. See the need for still more depth.
            Later: danced to Enya (A Day Without Rain) with Babaji (as I have frequently danced with Arras), seeing and feeling him as well as I could and getting a much stronger sense of his physical presence. Much easier than just sitting and meditating. The intensity between us is scary; there is an even more intense feeling of reconnection, after an even longer time, than there was with Arras. Speaking of Arras, I am awed by his absolute support and encouragement in this reunification with Babaji.
            A loving acknowledgement here in the passing of Nelson Mandela, a great soul similar to Gandhi and Martin Luther King, each being born to resolve a dire national problem peaceably. One of his quotes was in the newspaper: “It always seems impossible . . . until it’s done.”
            December 10th: I dance with Babaji. I open—mostly now check the openness—of my chakras. I speed up the frequencies of atoms, chakras and aura, usually now quick and easy.
            Babaji and I join forms, and merge our chakras one at a time beginning with the crown. I focus gently with him until he is done unifying with the environment. Then I bring all the intensity I can to what we are doing, let the energy build. I feel my love for him, his for me, the intensity between us. We give our meditation to Mother/Father God of all, and feel our desire to give this gift. I feel our surrender to life. I feel the need and desire of humanity for this to happen. I feel the physicality, again and again, and call it.                Today fear rose once again at the intensity and physicality of our meeting, and I ended the meditation. The message is that this truly is a huge thing to do, the difficulty is natural, and I am making good progress (I do know this).
How to Unfreeze
December 16th: Four days ago, merged the deepest yet with Babaji. After a bit, I began to hear words as if whispered from my bloodstream: “ . . . frozen . . . yoga will help . . .” Coming out, I asked what the heck was that. He showed me that only when he had permission to merge with the finest energies of my body, could he work on deep frozen places, very fine in the lymph, blood, bones, organs and muscles—places of rigidified fear from the last 2,000 years. He said it would take four days to clear. This is the fourth day; I felt a more “liquefied” body while it was happening, and feel significantly different today. I can more easily detach, dis-identify, from patterns of long standing. I’ve already begun to put this to work.
            He tells me virtually all of us have this frozenness on very fine levels. To unfreeze yourself, first accept the change it will bring. Call for the thawing. Then ask your I Am Presence and/or a beloved master to do the work.

A wondrous change has taken place in merging with Babaji. Arras, in his own merging with Baba, has expanded so much that it is now the three of us who merge. Arras even helped with the unfreezing! I’m in awe of how quickly he has moved.
            December 17th: The I Am Presences of Arras and I have merged. Babaji’s and mine have been merged for ages. I now welcome both him and Babaji to merge with my physical body.
            So many things have happened in this process that I never would have imagined or even dreamed.

December 19th: A meditation to bring the physical meeting. Though it didn’t happen, I feel so joyous, all is so perfect! Let me tell you.
            Went into the usual process, so quick and easy now. Got ready for the meeting. Waited until Baba and Arras unified with the environment. Was reminded by Yogananda to let the energy build, and feel the love. We built it by concentrating on the gift to humanity and the planet that we so desired and longed to give, a sense of urgency about the difficult things that would be made better, also on the fulfillment and happiness for Arras and myself. I kept getting the sense, and this was verified later, that not only in this session but in recent ones, their physical bodies kind of blinked or bounced in and out.
            Toward the end I remembered to give the whole thing to Goddess/God of all, and received a blazing smile in return. Light appeared behind my eyes and grew more and more dazzling. I “got lost” totally in the present moment, in joyous expectation.
            Suddenly, I stepped down and was just there in a lower space. I felt disappointment from my two loves. I knew I was ready, I had stayed in my I Am and in love. I went to find the reason for stopping. It wasn’t my mind. It wasn’t my heart or emotional body. Nothing came up from the past. What it was: my physical body’s ability to hold such a high frequency for a longer period of time. The organs, bones, muscles, flesh and skin, nerves, lymph needed strengthening for this (not the glands, chakras or nadis). I asked if this could be done now—yes it could—and how long it would take: the rest of this day only. And it could not happen at all if I had not gone through the un-freezing. So, I am happy!

Letting Go of Self-Identity
December 21st: (happy solstice!) Was shown my very strong attachment to identifying myself by my past: where I was born (Charlottesville, Virginia); my name and race and appearance; my social “class” and nationality; my family and extended family’s characters, history and events; the when and where of the towns and homes I lived in (even the furniture!); the relationships I’ve known; my possessions; my IQ; my schools and degrees. Etcetera. Being encouraged to honor and allow the past while dis-identifing with all of it. It was like pulling teeth. It feels so real, our history! I kept thinking, “But this really is me.”
            I felt unwilling to replace ego identity with I Am reality. I kept at it. The biggest help was sort of washing the I Am through it all, and feeling it gradually lighten up. The only moment being here and now, the past doesn’t really matter. Though it took several days (writing from the 26th), I feel now like an entirely different person. I realize what an important thing this is for each of us to do. Truths for us:
            I am infinitely beyond the bounds of all memory.
            I un-plug from all of my past identity.
            I place no import on story or history.
            I am beyond all perceived limitations of the past.
            I welcome and be now my only reality I Am.
            I see only this with every person.

December 25th: Happiest of birthdays to our beloved brother and magnificent wayshower Jesus the Christ. How could we ever thank him enough for his imprint upon our world? Even though a whole lot of the information about him, we know now, was given to us incorrectly (including his birthday and probably his birthplace), nothing matters except how he expressed his I Am Presence here with us. To be with him in meditation is, for me, love nearly overwhelming. Greatest thanks and blessings to the great souls who chose to be his mother and father, and to his beloved wife Mary Magdalene.
            A word also about Time Magazine’s 2013 Person of the Year, Pope Francis. My understanding is that after he was elected Pope, a great ascended master (don’t know which) appeared to him and asked his permission to walk in to his body. Francis was already a wonderful person, but God/Life wanted the very best to come of this papacy, and this was how to do it. Francis graciously gave his permission and went on into lighter realms.
            My process reaching ever-more intense levels. I won’t even drive to Ashland, an hour+ away, to visit a friend, and am not free (per spirit’s guidance) to invite a visitor for more than a couple of hours. And intense it has indeed been! It has continually amazed me how much of what we carry throughout life comes from our very earliest experiences from the womb through early childhood—and that after we become conscious of our issues with mother, father etc., how many layers there are to heal. Of course most of our past lives have carried these same issues. I share these because spirit guides me to, because we all have things like this and much patience and “skillful means” are needed to overcome them.
            The latest three, including unplugging from my past, came so thick and fast they overlapped, and I spent most of each day of the last four diving down to clear them, with spirit. At age four it seems I became hard and sad and hopeless that life would not be better, and (what I hadn’t been able to see before) that I could not believe anything wonderful would ever happen. My four-year-old, fearing its 2013 self’s displeasure and judgment, kept hidden from me its disbelief in what I am doing. This lack of belief would have kept me from going. And man, it was gnarly to feel how sad and hard I was then.
            I went to her bedside and talked and talked, and she understood not a word of it. The only thing that worked was to take her into my arms and love her with all my heart. After awhile she felt ready to at least see our I Am Goddess self, and then was able to be fully with her and climb up into her lap and be loved. She also welcomed Babaji, and the four of us spent a wondrous healing joyful time together; she is still with them. She now, at long last, does believe we can do this thing and is herself committed to it.
            Another mind-boggler is that, as much work as I’ve done on it, I still deeply believed I was bad and wrong and inferior to be a girl when my parents wanted a boy. They did really want me, but had forgotten our higher-plane meeting where we had agreed in greatest love to be parents and daughter. This was a huge and much-needed piece of work, and I believe it’s finally complete.
            Last evening, after holiday festivities, I moved back into intensity and felt exhausted with it. I imagined finding a new home in Mt. Shasta and taking my sweet time to let this work manifest. My recent master friend Rama came in. I asked him how he felt about what I was thinking. This great beloved master answered, and I quote, “You’re full of shit.” There was no judgment, he’s just good at telling the bald truth. I laughed heartily. Presently he said “I know it’s hard, Joanna.” He recommended requesting a month’s extension to stay in my home (until February 11th), as getting out by the end of this month has been a large part of my stress. He also recommended just relaxing more.
            Hope you had a most wonderful Christmas!

December 26th: Last night at a wonderful big noisy pot luck Christmas party, for the very first time in my life I was able to see and feel I Am with most individuals and the entire group. If someone was speaking to me, I found myself seeing their only vital truth: their divinity. Silently I said to them, “I honor the God within you.”
            I felt so happy and uplifted! I am so grateful for the wondrous teachings I am given!
            December 27th: One last thing for my four-year-old: heartbreak. I had not reached the very depths of my sorrow. I faced that today, with happy results.
            For the first time I am guided to not schedule requested sessions; to cancel plans for a short visit from a friend tomorrow; and be in my I Am. 
            December 28th: A most wonderful morning! Contemplating the physical meeting, felt my ego coming up. Talked with “him.” After a bit he said, “I’m ready to join our I Am.” I was amazed; I’ve never heard of this. But it happened!
            All that now drives small human thought is leftover beliefs; there is no inner aspect with its own determined agenda.

Later today: did what I thought was a fine job to bring the meeting, getting all the requirements of consciousness together. I found myself focusing fully on Herakhan Baba through his photograph; this helped me stay both in my I Am and the physical. It came down and down, and felt totally real. Then it bounced; yet another old disbelief came up, and was escorted into the deep mind, but the energy could not resume. I wasn’t too distressed as I felt how very real it was, and assumed we might do it tomorrow. I now felt to concentrate on inviting the form of Herakhan Baba, with the consciousness of the Babaji I’ve known so many lifetimes.

A Whole New Way of Going
The Local Gentleman
December 30th: A shocker. This morning Babaji said “You and I can have this meeting, or you can be contacted by the local man and go with him.” I could hardly believe my inner hearing, and checked and re-checked that I was clear.
            Months ago, I was told of a local man who has learned to relocate the physical body by thought but keeps it secret. (You have to increase your frequencies first, and lower them again when you get where you’re going.) I haven’t met him or even heard of him as he’s in hermit mode, but he knows who I am. He’s gone into the Cave of Symbols, and is going to become an ascended master at the end of this life. I was given the option at that time of going with his help. At the time, I felt it was a lesser way to go and decided against it.
            Now I asked, “But why aren’t we continuing with the meeting? We are so close.” We talked back and forth for quite awhile. It was Djwal Kuhl and Quan Yin who helped me most to understand.
            In guiding my process into a physical meeting, first with DK and finally with Babaji, the idea was that this goal would help me heal all I feared. Most of it was healed. But as of last night, the goal is no longer beneficial. Quan Yin told me there remains deep fear and sorrow from the first lives of my chosen “fall,” beginning with the orphan, when I felt betrayed, afraid and mistrustful of spirit. About half of this can of worms has been cleared; however what is left is deepest of all. I wasn’t able to yet face it. But now, it must come up—I can’t hold it back—and I cannot move forward with the meeting until it’s done. All the masters agree that it would take longer than I’d want to finish the clearing.
            I had been told that the meeting with Babaji would give a beautiful gift to humanity, an imprint making it easier for others to do the same. (Even though some people are meeting with ascended masters (appearing physically), evidently none of these folks fell as far as I did. Overcoming that makes it a greater gift.) I was loath to forgo giving this gift. But spirit tells me that waiting longer to get ready for the meeting would be a lesser gift than going earlier. When I finally got clear about all this, I decided to invite this local man to help me and asked that he be given the message. That is where I am now.
            I must admit frankly that though I feel clear on the reasons for this change, I don’t really understand the timing of it. Did it appear up until the last meeting-effort that I could succeed in that? (Asking Babaji now, I get yes.) Was it not known until then that the can of worms must now barge up to the surface? (Asking, I get no it wasn’t.) This is where trust comes in.
January 2nd, 2014: A most blessed new year for all of us!
            Haven’t heard from the local man, but also feel I’m not accepting his call. The one constant and good thing is my love for Babaji and his for me. I have been feeling it so strongly these last days, absolutely real and solid beyond denying. I am choosing to walk in his/God’s love, take every step in God’s love. Then whatever is best will come in each moment. I have my health, money enough to handle anything, I can move to a new place if need be (though I would feel concerned for Prince). I hear, and feel the rightness of it, “Though things look difficult, all is truly well.” And I choose it to be so.

Nine Lost Months
January 3rd: As large a shift as any I’ve made, yesterday. Knowing I was missing something led to my thinking: “If I’m missing something, what would it be?” Out of my depths emerged this:
            When in my thirties I began to see my limitations, I birthed a passionate drive to be rid of them. For nearly forty years I’ve been clearing, healing, processing almost daily. I haven’t known any other way or that there could be any other way. Even though for the last six months or more I’ve felt ready to go, when a new aspect/belief came up I would drop everything and go for the healing, thus being diverted for up to a week. But I also increasingly thought, “This is ridiculous!” And, I didn’t know how to do anything else. If things came up, they came up and you had to deal with them.
            I was led, amazed, into realizing that ego had diverted me—nine months earlier!—into a false channel of working to clear things that did not need clearing before going. Treading water. Spinning wheels. My ego showed me a path straight ahead, when in fact the real path veered off. I had no idea ego could be so clever or subtle. I was dismayed but at least, thank God, I knew. It’s a spiritual (and not always welcome) truth that many times we would like spirit to take the initiative and give us helpful information, when we need to learn it for ourselves. This was one of those times. I further learned that if I had called continuously for help of every kind, all the time, Babaji would have been able to show me what ego was doing as soon as it happened.
I declared that only what was actually needed would now be done. What a huge shift this was!

Later we helped into the universal an aspect that identified so completely with clearing that it was unable to change. It delayed things for about six weeks again, toward the end. With me on my toes about it! And all would have been cleared anyway when I got into the retreat. But Djwal Kuhl said “Please do not think of this as wasted time. When you do deep clearing on earth, as opposed to the retreat, it is more directly helpful to others. All is truly perfect.”
I was guided to reach deep, deep into my emotional/mental body to change the central passionate purpose of my life from clearing to going into the retreat and on into the new neuronet.

Today, feeling more merged with Babaji than ever. I am awed by his humility, his complete openness and trust. (I have a joke to myself that it’s “disgusting!” that such a great being would be so humble.)

You Can’t and Won’t Have It
January 5th: Process is now so intense I haven’t been even able to commit to going to a movie or a meal with a friends. Also lots of dizziness, as in other times of intense spiritual/brain changes.
            I’ve been shown beliefs I formed when I first became aware, as an I Am being, that humans were suffering on the third and fourth dimensions. Babaji says a “warped compassion” said: “I must be better than those caught in such turmoil. I should suffer like they do. I can be a vessel for God’s love only by going and living with them.” These came from mind and ego, not heart’s wisdom.
            They led to a pattern that has had the “saddest effect upon you,” as Jesus (who sometimes joins the process) said this morning. It’s expecting/hoping that something I greatly desire or need will come from a person(s) or situation, giving these the power to “make” me happy or heartbroken. I always unconsciously picked people/situations that did not have that gift to give, so it never came. The pattern lasted so long that I just couldn’t believe something wonderful could happen in life. 
            I spent all of yesterday working on it. So many tragic, fearful, small aspects came forward! By the end of the day Babaji was able to take all of them into healing. The work is continuing today.
            Rama’s message to me this morning, which refers to each of us in our coming time: “The troubles of life are leaving you. You will have abundant new ways of joy that you will hardly believe. You will forget the troubles. This will lighten your soul and you’ll help others more easily.”

January 7th: This old pattern is enormous. I’ve chipped away at it before, but now I’m ready (I hope) to clear the whole. It’s incredibly intense work. The first two days were clearing away effects from mind, heart and body. Yesterday was about clearing causes, locating the many aspects in myself that I had commanded to support the pattern, e.g. “This is just the way it is,” “You cannot and will not have it,” and helping them into healing. Today I’m addressing the me saying “I just don’t believe it.” Also, beginning to change my ancient past: when I first chose these mistaken beliefs (I learned today) I went into forgetfulness on another planet for 15,000 years. I re-chose to get immediate help to see that my beliefs were mistaken, and not do those years. Finally and perhaps most important, I have dived into my heart, so hugely hurt over these millennia, becoming fearful and mistrustful, and apologized for choosing these mistaken thoughts and creating from them. It’s becoming healed.

January 8th: Last evening me and a skeptical “sister-me” working it out to believe in the local man, accept his call, be open to his not being real but know I’m going anyway. Also, seeing in much greater detail than ever before our leaving for the retreat and just what happens upon arrival. For the first time this feels actually grounded.
            This morning a hook-up to Korea and realizing that, my curiosity about the depths of human suffering being satisfied, I’m not about to create such misery again. Ever. I felt myself breathing sighs of relief, really getting that it’s over and done.
            This evening understanding that I am ready to accept the gentleman’s call, but also that he didn’t hear Babaji’s message about that. We’ll see about tomorrow.

The Fellow Initiate
January 11th:  The local man contact didn’t work out, and for the very first time it wasn’t me who wasn’t ready! We’ve gone on to Plan B (or C or Z?). An initiate who’s been in the Cave of Symbols some months, and become a master of travel by thought, is going to meet with me physically. He’s tried for the last two days, but it’s a new learning for him to unify with the environment, as DK and Babaji had to do. I didn’t realize it is quite a skill, especially considering I-5 is perhaps half a mile away and you have to unify with all who will be passing by.
            A couple of weeks later: I’ve talked a lot with this friend and learned something of his life. It’s a story worth telling. His name’s Bob, a small town Iowa boy. His father was quite stern and his mother meek; it wasn’t the happiest of families. They were Christian, of the “no dancing” type, and his father was a lay preacher in the church. He had an older sister and brother, and one younger brother (his favorite). His father has passed but his mother and siblings, all married with kids, are still here.
            Bob and a lovely woman fell in love in their twenties; however, she wanted adventure and for her that meant leaving Iowa, and he chose to stay. He never met another whom he loved as well and didn’t marry. He was a salesman for a company that made high quality farming products and loved his work, enjoyed his customers and knew he was doing right by them.
            In his early thirties he discovered the I Am movement and joined it, studying the green books and other works and occasionally attending conclaves. Though he knew none in his town to share with, he was basically a happy man. In his early sixties he reread The Magic Presence, and when he got to the Cave of Symbols his heart caught fire. He knew: this is the only place in the world I want to be.
            He gave notice at work, sold his home, and did his best to communicate with his family. He drove to Wyoming and found the best motel in the vicinity of Centennial. He began to pray fervently, most of each day, to be allowed to come.
            After “nearly two months,” one fine day a master appeared in his room. “Welcome to the retreat!” he said. Bob left all his stuff in the room (bet they had fun with that!) and they traveled by thought at that moment. He’s been in the Cave of Symbols about five months now, planning to stay awhile and serve from there.

January 12th: My preparation for calling this meeting is different from before. My love and I do at least part of the “I Am” words below, concentrating upon being/feeling I Am to the deepest degree possible. I then merge with Babaji’s fifth-dimensional body and merge our chakras one by one, quite different from opening my own. I see if there’s any inner work to do or any aspect to go into the deep mind. When I’m ready I go into a still concentrated place; but I have finally learned to not lean, assume, or count upon anything particular for my well being. I do my best to stay open, welcoming, expectant, surrendered, happy, peaceful.
            Today’s work was kind of shocking; the old dynamic of treading water rather than just doing it took over. My friend from the retreat did master unifying with the environment, and he was ready. But inside me, such goings on! Fear of going, disbelief, attachment to 3-D, not allowing us to have it, all the old stuff—I felt amazed and dismayed. Babaji said the disbelief was from an aspect that, though it had been given every help and chance and time to change, was purposefully and rigidly holding to disbelief. Babaji invited me to give this aspect to him to be “dissolved,” returned to universal energy. This I did, and it felt different from any release heretofore.

Today I asked St. Germain if others had taken as long as I to get into the retreat, and he said yes; also that others had taken less time. I asked if anyone had taken longer than I, and after a sort of metaphorical clearing of his throat he answered “No, you’re about as long as anyone.” I laughed a lot about that.
            But he also said, yesterday, something he’s never said before: “We are preparing the details for your arrival. You are coming soon; do know this now.”


Earth is a Sacred Place
Clearing now only what’s truly required to go and at break-neck speed, no artsy-fartsing around. Last levels of disbelief. Last bits of feeling unworthy. A huge barrier within me was uncovered: I hadn’t fully realized I was ashamed of Earth as a place where I Am Beings so completely forgot who we are, and therefore not worthy as a place for this meeting. I also mistrusted “people in general” for taking so long—some have taken ten and a half million years including life on other planets—to wake up and return to I Am consciousness. So I asked Babaji to show me how he is with Earth and her people. Again he astounded me. He is so very humble and equal, open and friendly, looking upon all as beautiful and of infinite worth, and upon all that happens as good. From him came the truth I also put earlier: “Earth is a holy place where holy beings are carrying out an experiment.” I’ve expanded this: “Earth is a holy place—including this town, all the homes and land near me—where holy beings are choosing adventures of all kinds, from hell to heaven, and are returning to I Am consciousness in our own right way and time, becoming some of the wisest beings in all creation.” So this barrier has melted.
            I’ve been practicing for the meeting, doing everything suggested for co-creating it with my friend and with spirit.

January 19th: I’ve become very clear that if my local friend had been able to meet with me, I would have gone then into the retreat. Though I’ve been working on a physical meeting between myself and one coming from a higher dimension for a long time, this remains quite challenging for me. I’ve needed more time to prepare for it. I went for it today, and ancient disbeliefs rose to stymie it. We’ve been healing these as never before.
            From my practice sessions, just completed one, understanding arises. After going into I Am, merging with Babaji and merging our chakras (I no longer need to quicken my frequencies), I do exactly one thing: focus on my Goddess I Am and Babaji and be led by their consciousness. I do not need to think, except to build the energies by dwelling on the good this action will do. I don’t need to work to create the meeting. I don’t need to visualize. I don’t need to know when my friend has completed his unification with the environment. I don’t need to know when he’s ready to materialize. I don’t need to listen for the knock at the door. ALL I need to do is hand it over to I Am/Babaji. What a relief! What a joy!

January 20th: The part of self identifying with our human body on this dimension just can’t wrap its mind around somebody coming out of the blue to meet with us. Mind goes tilt! Fear rises, the bottom line. Working with Babaji to heal all remaining of this.
            I notice now that when I go into the inner temple of goddess/god, as in the I Am words below, my I Am Presence isn’t to be found: it’s now in my body. It was strange to open the temple door and find nobody there!

January 21st: A humongous realization: I stopped awhile back asking life/people for what wasn’t able to be given, and began asking for what life did want to give and would give. I just hadn’t gotten that this is now so! The old program is really gone, it is gone. The new program is receiving fulfillment of a true heart’s desire, no matter how special or different or important to me it may be. I can hardly believe it. Eons of the old program made it very hard for me to know it has been replaced. I hadn’t yet come to trust myself. Now I do.
            Babaji informed me of a change today: four days ago Arras was helped to go into the retreat, raise frequency to a fifth dimensional form and join the me that’s there. I miss him.

Doing the clearing I actually need has brought a clarity and confidence I don’t remember before in this life. I’m looking back and realizing that I have never, never missed a large movement of my life. I’ve always succeeded in taking my true next step. I seem however to like cliff-hanging; I have a clear memory of Egypt being invaded by dark hordes, small people with small thoughts. A group of us formed stone tablets from sand with truth written upon them, and placed them deep underground near or under the sphinx. We then ascended. It sure is easier to do things in a group! Noted here that I didn’t need to go into deep suffering to ascend.
January 25th: Still had trouble today accepting the physical meeting. I was wondering why something so simple as a person knocking on my door and my inviting him in should be so hard, just because he’s coming from another dimension. Rama tells me that experiencing 3-D as the only reality in the last 2,000 years is still affecting me a lot. I’ve been singing “I Am songs” to my own melodies, like “I am the love of I Am,” peace, confidence, relaxation, strength, laughter, knowing, down-to-earth, embrace of the meeting, ease, creation and co-creation, all-inclusion, etc. etc. It’s so helpful!

Babaji brought up two aspects that went with him for healing. One was the assumption of victimhood. The other was a remaining belief that I shouldn’t be happier than others. The key to healing there was the logic that being miserable with others only creates more misery and makes it harder for everyone. Being happy, especially as we are all unconsciously connected, helps everyone rise into happiness.

Dissolve an Aspect in Universal Energy
February 8th: Just in wonder, clearing out the “bottom drawer” of elements I created eons ago to support not getting what I want: elements that were rigid and unchangeable. (I won’t have it, I’m passionate that it doesn’t happen, it can’t happen, I’m not good enough for it to happen, I’m not supposed to have it, etc.) They are all going into the universal—something I had barely registered as a way to clear—and a deeper experience of that is breathtaking. It must be similar to dying, in that the limited consciousness we have known in the body gives way to the infinite possibilities of life. This I has been accompanying those I’s into the universal energies, and each one has gone from its particular rigidity into looseness, relief and finally great joy. I have never in this life felt so completely different from day to day as I do now.

February 9th: A lovely awareness growing in me that I am actually able to do this thing; that spirit, Babaji, life are wise in trusting me to fulfill my part. That I would never have known of this “assignment” if I had been unable to do it. This relaxed me somehow; I realized I was trying to make myself able, trying to be that kind of fullness and ability—when I’ve been that all along. If we are the I Am, the Buddha nature, how could it be otherwise for any of us? I feel more calmly confident.

Creation from I Am
February 9-12th: It’s been kind of sneaking up on me: Babaji not only helped me decide to do this before my body was conceived, we decided to do it together. That’s why we merge our bodies and our chakras with each intentional process. He also said we knew at the time that coming out of 2,000 years of forgetting and hardship into such an unusual accomplishment would be hard, would take a great deal of work. This was a relief. And knowing now that this project is ours, a co-creative effort, strengthens me. In female polarity I lean toward the receptive, whereas in male polarity he is naturally the outgoing energy and leader. We are each both, but the natural leanings complement one another in a fine way.
Master friends contributed statements about creating that put together all I had understood intellectually and wrapped it in feeling and power, to become a kind of living, whole energy of truth within me.
            Being the I Am, the Buddha nature, the force, we already have every goodness and fullness. Nothing dismays us on this level, nothing unbalances us in any way for any reason. This is our ground of being; I feel it as a kind of cradle. All is—always—well.
            From this ground we choose to create what is best for us. We feel our desire, our yearning (St. Germain is big on this), we give this to ourselves now, we place ourselves here in the fulfillment. We go all out. If in a moment it doesn’t happen, we know we have taken the perfect next step toward its fulfillment. Meanwhile we rest in the perfect acceptance, equanimity, serenity, peace, joy, power, goodness, knowing of I Am.
            The 12th: A sweet gift for today: for the first time myself and Arras came from the retreat to support me. (My love as shining gold form, wow!) What else could there possibly be to do in the process, that’s my usual thought. But my full belief wasn’t yet present.
My retreat self guided me to look again at three true miracles in my life. Each time I called for it with all the passion of my being. All were physical manifestations; one happened immediately and the two others within 24 hours. Each was spontaneous and was important in its moment, but did not involve a deep yearning.
            In fact I knew I could not call passionately to fulfill any deep yearning of my heart; it would not work. Now I realize that with the recent shift from intent to not have what I want, to intent to have what I want, I can now harness passion for this project.

February 14th: Three enormous lessons.
            First: I had humanly felt the physical plane to be the ground of being. But the I Am is the ground of being and contains all the dimensions, all of which are sacred and are one. I felt this as if the I Am were a great transparent Easter egg about a foot high with the dimensions as beautiful internal layers, lovingly contained.
            Second: Given a statement to declare and feel: I Am the Earth and I Am sacred. (Try this, it feels amazing.)
            Third: Coming in from a walk today, St. Germain was suddenly here. He came over and sat down before me (in lighter body, seeing him with my third eye) and took my hands. He said nothing, but gave me the wordless understanding: I had been too much in my feminine in the creation of our meeting. I thought I had to feel the emotion of love for Bob, and when I did I also felt simply female. I was shown to feel equally the masculine and feminine of I Am, which is essentially emotionless, being the love which simply IS. It is not a woman inviting a man into her home, it is one masculine/feminine I Am welcoming another for high purpose.
            I had a lot to work out about this, asking Babaji and Rama especially to make it clear. Rama said that as we go through life, it is best if we come from this combination of equal male and female as one: whole, powerful and with little emotion. When we are in polarity relationship, making love etc. then it’s wonderful to focus upon one polarity and be in the play and joy of that. So I feel new, again.
February 15th: Revelation. The last things to know are those that have colored our vision for a long time. I saw myself this morning as a woman walking bent over, limping and using a staff. Our society has given a message to women for about 5,000 years, both outwardly and as a strong undercurrent, to sit down and shut up. Be the homebody, the cook, the child raiser, sweet, not powerful.
            Though I have been killed twice and mistreated other times as a teacher/healer in past lives, and experienced despair and worthlessness as a girl imprisoned in a brothel, I have had a degree of courage and willingness to stick my neck out in this life as a teacher and speaker. I did not realize until today how deeply I have continued to be affected by the general onus on a woman being powerful and accomplishing great things.
            I have kept myself in a sense soft and squishy, overly sweet with my tea and chocolate, dreaming but not doing. Wifely, womanly, feminine, less-appearing, keeping my head down. My friends would I think say “What do you mean, look at what you’ve done!” But this is my experience.
            Spirit says the rise of patriarchy was unconsciously chosen by both women and men. We wanted a last bow in human consciousness to materialism: the stronger body is superior. When we overcame that, we would know the reality of spirit. There was a secondary reason, a desire in male nature to do exactly what it wanted in the world with little tempering influence by love, from feminine nature. And, though I’m a bit loath to admit it, it’s okay that we did it this way; somehow we needed it. Nearly all of us have been both women and men, thus have known both sides of the dynamic. The assumption that superiority or inferiority is decided by form is beginning to be overcome. Equal divinity makes us all equal.

I remember the Helen Reddy song from the 70s, “I am woman, hear me roar!”, one expression of women’s return to power. Not power over, just power. Men have suffered the degradation of their own feminine nature, and in their hearts want and need the return to balance as much as women.
I have delayed this process through unconscious bowing to the old dictate. I will do it no more.

The remainder of this day was most terrible. It turns out that what I just wrote was part of a huge obstacle, a wheel-spin caused by three past aspects arising during the night that feared something so new. All they needed was to be taken into the deep mind, and when I asked Babaji why he didn’t do that he said I had never given him that express permission or request. It’s a law of the universe that no master interferes with another’s process in any way that isn’t requested. (The exception is if you take someone as your guru, this includes all requests for help.) I had requested this during my waking work, but had never extended it to sleep. So that request is now made. Meanwhile these aspects simply trashed my readiness, devastated it. It took me many hours to even feel my I Am Presence.

February 16th: One of the happiest, loveliest days I’ve ever known. St. Germain came with his huge and loving presence and smile and danced with me—a first, but I needed it! Arras returned from the retreat in his fifth-dimensional self and will stay to help me leave. It was the first sunny day after a lot of rain and I walked by our low but still lovely lake; the diamond sparkles on the water are a particular joy of mine. I spoke with the local agent for the house and there’s no problem with my staying longer. I think life wanted to encourage me after such an awful day.
            The jewel of the day is that my fifth-dimensional self came from the retreat and joined me for making love with our love. He has become an even more wondrous lover, especially in focusing intensely on one thing and giving that all his energy in the moment. And I am less passive and resistant; more in joy, humor and creativity, taking more initiative to love him. These are joyful changes!

February 20th: A similar thing today, the fetching of aspects from the other planet, who had been undermined by a soulless one. We had never reached that far back. All were able to come forward save two, who needed to go into the joy of universal energy. The others are now with Quan Yin and Babaji. He said to me today, “Do not be discouraged. It is not a bad thing to take the time to heal more that is relevant. It will make you stronger in the new neuronet.”

Creating a Third- and Fifth-Dimensional Meeting
February 24th: Here are statements to assist acceptance/co-creation of a physical meeting with one from the fifth dimension, or some other physical/lighter plane connection. Change them however serves you.
This earth is a sacred place where holy beings choose to have human form and create many experiences, becoming some of the wisest beings in creation. The earth is naturally paradise. This whole area, this town, this property, my home are all sacred ground, a worthy meeting place.

I Am is my ground of being. I Am contains all dimensions, and the fifth is a lower one. The fifth dimension is only a small step from earth. It is solid and real.

Our meeting is easy, natural, relaxed, down to earth, happy, peaceful, loving, and for a high purpose. It is just as if my friend has walked over from a neighbor’s home to visit. Our bodies are equally sacred, and we are equal with each other. Our whole meeting space is surrounded by a magical I Am sphere of love.
(If you are going to a place in the fifth dimension:) Being fully grounded and present here on earth is the same as being fully grounded and present here in ____ (my destination). As there is no actual space in God, where I am going is right here.

The Thirty-Foot Space
Last evening Babaji told me that I had become so much lighter that the thought forms floating around (as always) from other people were beginning to affect me too much. With my permission he created a 30-foot clear space around me into which no limited thought may enter. I also asked that the 30 feet be filled with only truth. Anyone can make such a request. (When you’re close physically with others, the 30 feet shrinks to your aura.)

The Ecstasy of I Am
March 3rd: In session today, the most wonderful teaching. Being the I Am, surrendering to being I Am, goes way beyond anything I’ve known. It is ecstatic. You become a child of complete trust and joy. Adulthood, I am realizing, is highly overrated. We equate it with practicality, sophistication, materialism, doing what is needed to survive. (There are moving accounts of people who successfully depend on God every moment to provide; Yogananda has a great story like this in Autobiography of a Yogi.)
I went deep into this childlike innocence and joy. The message is that it isn’t enough just to know the meeting is here and real; it wants more than that because it leads directly to my going into the retreat, and people there are full of trust and joy. They know first hand the woes of life in the world, and serve to remedy these. But their own hearts are at peace, free and happy. Surrendering to being I Am is part of my preparation, my readiness to go. Going still deeper into this) is my intention.
Later I asked for more on going deeper. Babaji said it’s going all out, you let it fly, be in such love that you are fearless, hold nothing back, totally surrender to and embrace the divine. Bholenath added: “This is your true nature, your true way, your true self.” I realized that this is the true nature of all of us, ecstasy in being and living the divine. I hear the masters are in this all of the time.

March 10th: Since last entry, about four days of incapacity from Earth/human changes. When these changes come on—which they have many times through this process—there’s not a thing you can do. You feel them and you are helping to distribute them. You can only be thankful because they are always for the good.
            Last night, looking at a deeper raft of healing on believing spirit will not come visibly into my earth life. Ramtha suggested I go where the pattern “didn’t exist.” I didn’t know what he meant, but felt something intuitively. I began to move toward a far-off consciousness, stopping several times to regroup. Finally I saw myself blazing through the universe like a comet, shedding all the stuff of time, space, experience and memory, dissolving behind me. I wound up as a seed consciousness of myself with nothing around me. (I was reminded of a passage in one of Ram Dass’s books where he was taking LSD. He arrived where there was simply nothing. He heard an inner voice saying, “Then who’s minding the store?”)

From this space I felt nothing really mattered. If a planet blew up, it blew up. I didn’t feel love, I was just consciousness. I stayed there awhile. When I finally returned, I felt I had “bezillions” of possibilities. I viewed with perfect dispassion my goals of the last three years. Were they what I now wanted? Did I care what happened on Earth? The answer to both, I am relieved to say, was yes.

I was however, like the apple cart, upset. Everything seemed too wide, too uncertain. But I did make a great leap in knowing the reality of what I’m doing.

March 12th: Got unclear in a crucial moment of creating the meeting today and got all upset. Spent much of the day in nature by a roaring stream and waterfall, calming down. On my way home, I heard gently the name “Rukmini.” She is Krishna’d twin flame, more often called Radha. I pulled off the road to connect with her, who had never come to me before. Such sweetness! She feels similar to Jesus.

She said, “You are blessed. What you are doing was foreseen.” When I asked how long ago, she said “More than a hundred years.” She added, “The time to do this is now. The troubles you have had are because you are forging a path for humanity from within the human thought environment.” Gosh, this made so much sense. I do as much as I can in a day, but the next morning I must start again from almost zero.

But I also realized in the last couple of days that I am Life and here is this task, in my face. I chose it. I accepted that I chose it. No more complaining or asking it to be easier. Babaji said today, “Many people believe as you have that spirit will not manifest in their lives, that they too cannot have what they most want. Your doing this will break down doors for others.”

Rukmini also said, “There are those who would stop you, but they are being deflected.” (This I knew.) She and Krishna offered their help, and I gratefully and happily accepted. Krishna came forward. I easily felt why he makes women swoon, he is so wondrously beautiful and magical. He said, “You were born to do this.”
Rukmini added, “Do not let yourself become rattled. It delays your accomplishment. Whatever happens, just continue in peace.” Ramtha said something very similar: “Encompass the process with perfection and accept all that takes place.”

March 16th; here learned of the two major unconscious dynamics (see Preface) that delayed this process so long. A goal from my perfectionist self: to “liquefy” with the love of I Am/Babaji—that is the true ground of being. However I got the message from St. Germain the next day that I need not go that far to succeed in the meeting.

Effects of the New Neuronet
Babaji asks me to share more of the expected results of the new neuronet, especially for America, from the thousand or so of us who will be creating it together all over the world. Much of the list is new, a reflection of how quickly humanity is now changing. (I had gotten “No” asking about some of these things just six months back.)
As a more awake populace we have elected wise and beneficial leaders to a much greater degree including senators, congressmen and governors. After Johnson, most presidencies have now changed.
Changes of consciousness have also created changes in the leadership of other countries including Spain, France and Germany.
A global financial collapse we were headed for has been averted. (This would have been caused by people and corporations of wealth, power and greed who would rather take the world to hell in a handbasket than make changes toward love and equality.)
In America there is zero national debt, and balanced budgets are the norm. Taxes have new laws and are much less oppressive, especially for the middle class and below. We enjoy much greater financial well being as a people.
Women are more highly valued and equally treated.
There is greater peace between many nations. Nuclear arms are almost gone.
9-11 did not happen.
We did not invade Iraq or fight in Afghanistan/Pakistan.
Corporations were never legally made “persons.”
We use more sustainable non-polluting power.
We take better care of the environment and other forms of life.
No chemtrails.
Entrepreneurship abounds.
Our prison systems are more enlightened: fewer incarcerated, more rehabilitated, few return after release.
More conscious of spirit we thus are happier, kinder and work to make life wonderful for all.

March 17th, St. Pat’s day: I’m discovering the nearly incredible joy that comes when you invite your I Am (or in my case, Babaji one with my I Am) to love you, embrace you, and you really receive this love. It is so totally intimate—all your chakras join—I’ve never felt it before like this. I always thought I Am love to be rather cool and distant, though infinite and eternal (is that an oxymoron?). My expectation must have come from childhood. I Am love is quite fiery and passionate and united with us. It’s as if you are one body embracing itself, and you can feel I Am radiance through your bones.
            Later I learned to invite Babaji in our embrace to do everything beneficial for my physical and lighter bodies, heart and all levels of  mind—lift frequencies, untie knots, increase ease and flow of nadi lines, change my brain—if you give your permission and then accept, you can receive miraculous gifts in a few short minutes.

March 19th: Just getting going in the meeting process, looking at its physical reality when I felt a very familiar old haze falling over my eyes, making everything dreamlike and fuzzy. For the first time I dived into it. I asked myself what I wanted: it was to float down a river in a rubber raft, all alone, in perfect peace. I had no interest in the banks, just got a vague vision of jungle. I didn’t want to be with anyone. I speeded up time and floated a whole day and night; I wanted to float another day and night. After the third day of floating I was complete.
This was my three-year-old, coming up a bunch lately, in stress and such sorrow about how sad my family was in our early years. When you’re small and have hardly any outside contact, you feel trapped in your home situation and if it’s an unhappy one it can become a deep trauma. I needed peace. I longed to make everyone happy. It wasn’t happening and wasn’t going to happen anytime soon. I thought this was real life; that any lovely vision such as going into the retreat could not possibly be real. That’s why I hazed over. Many facets of this same basic belief have come forward in the process, and I think most of us have some version of it.

March 21st—happy equinox! Couldn’t get going with the meeting process this morning, watched an old romance on TV. Finally asked what’s up, felt strongly my love for this life and the desire to remain comfortable. Going deeply, wound up in huge blessing and thanks for my old life—my home, everyone and everything I know and all the good memories. Soon afterward I found all I looked at boring, and then it’s as if I was screeching metal against metal. For the first time since I began this process, it felt painful to be in this life. The retreat feels so real now; I’ve had friends tell me they looked for me psychically and couldn’t find me and I think that’s because I’m half gone.

Finally did enter the process, doing fine when a great fear washed up and once again I needed to stop. It was my three-year old afraid of my father, I had never realized how much. He wasn’t violent or addicted, just stressed and harsh. This self suddenly became aware—because our meeting is now so close—that I was meeting a “strange” adult man and transferred this fear to him. It’s so wild what can happen with our childhood selves that carry over for decades; many can come up from the same age, and they each seem to be in their own little pocket of consciousness. I got messages from St. Germain and others that I can’t get any closer without it happening.

March 26th: Seem to have been backtracking, though not spinning wheels. One large thing is really getting that the brothel experience—and for each of us, the lowest of human woes on earth—and ascending, the highest accomplishment of earth’s humanity—are both real and do not negate each other. Ours is one amazing planet! Lows are created from limited belief, highs from divine understanding. Climbing up to divine reality is what we are each doing in our time and way. The higher the goal, the longer the climb. In the months past I thought I was ready, but saw a dim and fuzzy reality compared to now.

March 28th: Had some final old resonances from Korea to clear re Bob—a man I haven’t met—appearing at my door, and knocking at my door. In the session today, Bob said afterward that he himself didn’t know why he wasn’t allowed to knock.

Saw a filmed story of the Indian saint Tukaram, and thought strongly about him.  I didn’t agree with all the ways he was (too passive? not taking good enough care of his family?) but his great gift was absolute love and trust of God (Krishna, in his life), always writing poems to God. Two days after the film and much to my surprise he connected with me, and has been helping me deepen my own love and trust of God and life. Out of this came a beautiful expanded way of being with spirit, in the form and energy of Babaji. I think, “I am dancing through life with you in love and joy, holding your hand, and by my request you are leading, as you have realized what I am realizing and helping me do it. You are all around me and go before me to ease the path, and with you all is safe, fine, beautiful and perfect in every way all the time.”  Happiness and relaxation flow from this into my entire being.

I’ve also noticed that because Arras and I go into the retreat at night while I sleep, merging with my fifth dimensional self and re-slowing to third dimension feels natural now, no big deal, and helps me know Bob really is just like me. I’m not as anal about cleaning the house as I was, just do the same as for any friend.

April 3rd: A most amazing day. I was ready, truly ready. We went into creating the meeting. I felt Babaji clearly as the leader for a time; then his leadership gave way, for the first time, to Mother/Father Goddess/God of All. I felt the awesome power, the absolute knowing that this was wanted and the ability to create it. And then, it stopped. I saw that today the planet itself wasn’t ready. I couldn’t imagine it! My learning and action:

There are four men of anti-Christ energy who came to know of this transformation of life some months ago, but hadn’t bothered to do anything because they knew it wasn’t ready. They are not soulless, they are I Am Presences who’ve been corrupted and have developed enormous psychic powers. Though they live in different countries—one each in the U.S., England, Belgium and Switzerland—they connect easily through mind and act as a group. They realized seven days ago the new neuronet was about to happen and began deep subversive action to prevent it, energies that affected the whole planet. Though this was known, Mother/Father God didn’t want to go against them until I became fully ready to go. M/F G added that the four knew they were going to be opposed and had constructed layer upon layer of protection; it was going to take about two days to dismantle their efforts.

Here is the call I was instructed to make: “In the name and by the power and authority of I Am That I Am of Joanna, Babaji, St. Germain, all of us here [working together], every person on Earth including the four, all ascended masters, I call for all the energies these four have sent out in the last week to be dissolved. Any further energies they try to send will be rendered powerless. All other such energies, from any being anywhere, will also be powerless. And so be it.”

Interesting about the seven days. That’s when I stopped buying replacement food, toilet tissue, cat food unless I totally run out. On a mundane note, the eyeliner pencil I took with me when Arras and I reconnected in outer life was so short, about a third of an inch, that I took a replacement pencil. That third of an inch, used every day, has lasted about two years. Now, it is down to the nubbin. Such a trivial thing may reflect larger movements of our lives.

Later in the day: never felt before myself doing the work (with the four), always just sicced the masters on whatever needed to be done. Feels quite different! Stepping more fully into I Am.
Still later, I was informed that they now know what we are doing and that their dark energies will fail, so they decided to manipulate the stock market to create as much havoc as possible. Another call went out to give people inner knowing that this should be ignored.

April 4th: the work with the four is “nearly done.” They are seeing that even the stock market ploy isn’t working and have become quite angry and “dangerous.” All will be done to keep damage to a minimum.
            Today I was guided to go back through this journal and cut a bunch of stuff; took me most of the day but it is now twelve pages shorter. Gone are different levels of healing the same issue; many practices thinking I was ready when I wasn’t; complex processes that would benefit very few; and TMI (Too Much Info) in general.
            April 5th: it took hours to get over working on a computer all day. DK volunteered information, saying “Computers are a mixed bag. The internet, ease of communication and creativity are all good additions to life. But the physical and mental energy required to work on a computer almost compel a person to see life around them as profane rather than sacred.” This was certainly a wake-up! When I think of the many who are on computers most of each day, this is disturbing news.

Later on the 5th: The ebb and flow of human energies is such a mystery. Today I was positive I was ready for our meeting. I got so tremendously high in I Am, I was certain we would succeed. But arose the remainder of a very old perception of schism, separation between heaven and earth, higher and lower dimensions and chakras; being in I Am I didn’t want to include the physical. Also the shame of the Korean life included in the Cave of Symbols?—I couldn’t get past it. None of this was there in my last effort, so why yesterday? The physical world as the down to earth, calm, natural, open-eyed meeting place between beings from different dimensions: had to work deeper today on that.

A significant change has been communicated, though it’s been known by the masters for some months. Bob will indeed come for the meeting to prepare me to go. But the person who will actually take me into the retreat is Godfré Ray King, who has supported my process for about two years. The reason is that it is an important event, one many would try to stop, and a master of great power, vision and ability is wanted. I feel blessed that he’ll be with me for the journey.

April 7th: More on knowing earth as sacred space. It’s easy with nature, what’s been hard is looking at the “mess” humanity has created here. It is taking absolutely all I have, all my determination and effort, to get the truth. A belief burst out of my less conscious mind today: if spirit comes to Earth it will be RUINED!! So I’ve had a lot to do. Asked Babaji for a way to look at humanity that would help with this. He showed me that ALL deviation from I Am infinite love and reality is based on fear. This helps me have compassion for all of us and see through the illusion to recognize God-beings. I’m claiming that I can change into truth enough by tomorrow morning to actually do this thing.
            It’s odd how I’m feeling that this somehow all comes down to this body, and what happens with it.
Coming to grips with an old consciousness in myself that amounts to hatred and contempt for those, mostly men, who have trampled upon the environment and other people: CEOs and top executives of corporations I consider actually evil, and of milder corporations that still do great damage. I realize that I’ve carried seeds of victimhood and thus see nature and many people as victims. How easy to forget that we all co-create together in equal choice and power, each choosing our role for a life.
            We are all truly brothers and sisters, equals, each doing our best with what we know. We are each a holy being, an I Am. And, an I Am being can be in ignorant jerk consciousness! Still each deserves love, compassion and honor—and laws to prevent the trampling as much as possible.
            I consider myself a loving and forgiving person and feel embarrassed and saddened to realize that I have been adding to the disharmony in the world. I’ve been getting helpful messages. DK says nearly all people who are acting as e.g. an “evil” CEO have known abuse and victimhood in earlier times and are trying to make up for that. Babaji says each one has very difficult karma coming unless there is a huge change of consciousness. St. Germain tells me a number of ascended masters have gone through cycles of victimhood and abusing others before opting for ascension.
            So I have been asking forgiveness of these brothers for how I’ve seen them and felt about them. I’ve been wrapping them in blankets of love and imagining that love—which it eventually will—transforms them. I’m forgiving myself and doing my best to move into love.
            All of this I have needed in seeing our 3-D world as sacred.

April 9th: Yes I took another step forward today but didn’t have the meeting; even the masters get flummoxed by how hard it’s been for me to do. Right during the process aspects rising out the unconscious from my past need dealing with, along with old thoughts etc. Looking at going while I sleep. Kit can also be transferred into the retreat. Spending today as guided to leave all needed instructions re this change of plan.
            What may going in one’s sleep look like? For me, it’s like this. I’ve established the reality of the retreat in my mind, including a good idea of our room. I know now the reality of the lighter dimensions—I’ve taught this for many years and have finally learned it. I’ve meditated into fifth dimensional frequencies, so I know what that feels like. I have a beloved family of masters, centrally Babaji, whom I trust with my life.
            I prepare before sleeping to be as clear and aligned as I can. In deep sleep, my master friends (Babaji, Arras, Djwal Kuhl, St. Germain, Quan Yin, and myself from the retreat) join my I Am to fulfill my intention and desire to go. They lift my body’s frequencies into the fifth, takes a couple of minutes. As there isn’t any space in God, I am simply then in our bed with Arras and my retreat self. Kit is taken too and will probably be frightened, so when I wake up he will need love and assurance.
            I haven’t seen much beyond this except I know there’s a celebration sometime in my first day, and Iris and Jerry come in quickly. Then we move into our days, completing our temple design, making final decisions on our new neuronet, getting our rejuvenation process for earth life, and whatever else—learning, resting, enjoying, sharing, listening to the wondrous music.

April 11th: Last night preparing for going, working with some intense old thought forms and aspects that were triggered by more direct action, when suddenly I was overwhelmed. Later I learned: I had broken through the shell of my personal barriers into universal human barriers. Rama said, “You are bearing the weight of human troubles.” “What?” I replied. “I have no idea what you mean.”

  I then felt a presence new to me, wide and slow, deep and loving; asking a bit I discovered it was Ramakrishna. He and Rama together assisted me to get the complete understanding of my going into suffering on the other planet and Earth. Entering the suffering gives you more clout, more effectiveness, in lifting others out of it with you. Like a fisherman I scooped up a huge load of troubles in my net. Finally returning to higher consciousness, I pulled up the entire net, bringing with me all who could come. Some people have chosen this path, and it is both a very difficult one and—after perhaps a long time—rewarding. It was a relief to learn that it wasn’t ignorance (or stupidity) behind my choice; I had this intention. I did the same thing on Earth, a mini-version of merely two thousand years of suffering before pulling up.

Now—blessed age of light!—has come the time for a universal healing for human life by dissolving thought forms that cause suffering, with zero violation of human free will. These thought forms have been like a pall over most planets with human life on the third and fourth dimensions. The healing was also to include all time. I was asked to be the catalyst for this healing this morning. Nine thought forms were brought up, one at a time. The more common the thought form the longer the healing took, between ten minutes and half an hour. You can determine each one by looking at its opposite, the truth.

Because I Am a divine being:
I am innocent forever, loved eternally. Nothing can change my innocence, including forgetting my I Am Self.
I am able to do, be and have whatever I choose. The universe, life as love, supports me absolutely and forever.
I choose my life in equal power and co-creation with all those around me. I am never a victim.
Spirit I Am is whole; it cannot be harmed and has never been harmed. With my intention and heart I create my body sexually inviolate; healthy and free of illness and injury; and protected from being bought or sold.
The reality of life is spirit. It is not the physical world, not matter.

I have infinite possibilities, here and now, to move beyond earth life into happier experiences including lighter dimensions and ascension.
My soul is eternal, there is no death. There is nothing to fear.
I can and do have wonderful, happy, long-lasting relationships.
I am free to do and be what I want, when and how and where I want.

After these were completed I was guided to make the call for continuous healing of all available energies (not those connected with a person). We used the violet flame, the blue flame and sword of Archangel Michael, the pink flame of Mother Goddess, and the gold and white-fire flames of I Am Presences. This is now in place.

April 12th: My body had fear to be transferred into the retreat; the body likes to know where it is! We did a complete body healing on this.

April 15th: Reading the wonderful book Mystics, Masters, Saints and Sages (see below) and contemplating enlightenment. Seeing that when I did not go as quickly as I expected, one level of mind became tense and attached, critical of myself, frustrated and impatient. These are not qualities of enlightenment. Time drawing out gave me a great additional challenge.
            I’ve had to return to a daily reinstatement of trusting Life as infinite Love, Knowing, and natural flow—the Tao—in the “right” direction that—in perfect way and time—comes to be all right action. Knowing I Am one with this flow. Dis-attaching from time, even from staying in my home until I go; relaxing, breathing, having fun. Trusting.
            Rama gave me a lesson that repeated what I’ve known but brought it much more deeply home to me. Whenever I’m ready to take a next step, I take stock of where I am in this moment. I acknowledge and accept exactly what I see, all of it including any reactive feelings. I surrender to it (my dreaded “S” word! Aaach! Anything but that!). I then see and feel, get messages etc. on how to move forward. This may happen more than once in a day.
This all feels right now mostly in my head, but I’m doing what I can to bring it into my heart and my deep experience.

April 17th: Shown to dive to the deep passionate core of my sense of purpose for life, and change it—for the first time in nearly four decades—from clearing to accomplishing my present purpose (see January 3rd for more details). I didn’t know one could do this.

Not long afterward I felt an infinitely sweet, soft, loving energy I’ve never known. It was my goddess I Am! Though I have done much to merge with I Am, I never directly felt it. (Babaji, one with my I Am, has quite a different energy.) I was awed. She said, “Changing your purpose aligns you with me. Going into the new neuronet has been your true purpose since your first guidance [nine years ago].” A little later I felt god I Am, a breath-takingly beautiful masculine energy that reminds me of Arras. The I Am love remains with me, an unexpected and wondrous blessing.

April 19th: Being I Am. Sitting with this today. Learning to not flip back into the human; to lovingly allow and even embrace impatient or limited human thoughts. Able to be both the vast and the personal.
There came to mind and dwelled, the logging area on the mountain when I got lost during an adventure (“Lost on the Mountain,” above). I could find no exit road, it was late in the day, I couldn’t go back the way I came, and I began to cry out “I Am! I Am!” Babaji said today, “You were in a place where it would have been very difficult to get home. We did change the space for you. If you go back, you will see.”

When I pictured this, I saw myself walk up the north side of the top road, where I’d come down from being lost, and finding myself in the same logging area; that I’d been wrong in thinking it was impossible.
In May when I went camping near my old site, I really wanted to check it out. The doubter in me needed proof. I headed out from camp to this road. I walked up it at least twice as far as I had come down, which had taken only five or six minutes. The road branched off; it had not done that. The scenery spread out around it in an entirely different way; that had not been part of my walk. I did not find the logging area. In awe, I took in the unfathomable truth: spirit changed space around me to get me home.

Back to the reality of the practice: so new to BE I Am, I felt confused to not talk to spirit, ask questions— and that it has nearly no words. I couldn’t feel much of it. In fact I saw it isn’t interested in emotion; I know it’s joy and love but it isn’t the feelings of joy and love, except at times when relating to its human self. I could say e.g. “I am Joy,” and then I would feel that for a time. But mostly I felt fuzzy and a bit lost. I missed talking! I missed feeling small and talking to Babaji. 

April 20th, Easter. Congratulations, dearest Jesus, and thank you from our deepest hearts that you are a true way-shower to know and express our divinity.
            My life has become ever more pared down, simple, hermitic. Letting go of one thing after another. No television or movies on a possible going day. Crosswords and my beloved Sunday San Francisco Chronicle okay. Just one friend I get together with one-on-one, to share a meal or catch up. Satsang or other groups here and there. Meditating, reading enlightened books, going out in beautiful nature.
More with I Am. It came into sharper focus and was easier to feel. Interestingly, it told me it was going to talk with itself/old-human-me a bit more to make things easier, and without my needing to feel small.
It’s intensely aware and fresh and open, vibrantly alive, always creating. And you can really feel its love and joy. I see that enlightenment—Zen, Hindu, Christian—is all the same: you give up the personal for the wide life, the wide you. At the same time you are intensely present and aware with all you are doing, relaxed and in the flow of it.

I was informed this morning that there’s now the possibility of going during the day, with help. Being I Am feels so full of possibility, I’m not even too surprised. I am totally obedient to this true Self.

April 23rd: With all I’ve needed to clear, I realized today that it’s taken me three years to prepare for the great joy I feel with the retreat. DK said this morning, “It also took me a long time to accept this much happiness.”
Working to clear the very deepest body fear, root chakra survival issues, so I can go. A new first today, connected directly with my root chakra being. It consented to be with Quan Yin and become fearless.
Being deeply I Am to feel and know I really am everything. I already am every single dimension. I am the solidity and reality of the third and fifth dimensions. I am my home in 3-D and our room in the Cave of Symbols. I am my bed in both spaces, equally solid and real. It’s nothing to scooch one tiny part of myself, this body—I’ve asked my beloved Babaji to do the actual lifting—from one bed to the other.
There is no small self. My old propensity for seeing and feeling the greatness of I Am but not being it myself is falling away. I Am including this body, and I Am the true consciousness with it. I Am happily present in all its activities.

April 26th: Going from this dimension into a lighter one has been confused, logically, with death. Fears from past life deaths, many of which took my soul into more difficulty rather than into union with my spirit, have aroused big-time. My master committee has today been gathering all of them to take care of them. Suggestion to be more open to going while awake; we’ll see.

Going While Awake
There is a consensus among my master friends and I Am that going while I’m awake is easiest and therefore the best way, though it doesn’t rule out going in sleep. Evidently there’s practically an infinite number of aspects in the unconscious that can arise to disrupt the process if I’m asleep—and they’ve certainly been doing a good job of that! Being awake doesn’t invite them.

So here’s what I’ve been shown about this, both earlier and now, if you want to use ideas for yourself.

First, if you are planning this as the beginning of a new life, be sure you have dis-attached from your old one. Say goodbye inwardly as well as outwardly to your friends and family, home, town—and don’t kid yourself. Have you really let go?

Whatever your circumstances, do your best to leave harmoniously. You want to go cleanly, not leave careless loose ends that burden others. (We don’t want ascenders to get a bad rep!) Tell your family and friends what you are doing, that you’ll be leaving but not dying, and explain it as best they can hear it. If you don’t know exactly when you’re leaving, ask a trusted one to take care of things you can’t do before you go but must be done afterward; write them down and make sure they’re totally clear. If you live alone, make plans for your home to be taken care of and your bills paid. If desired, leave communications to be sent to your larger circle of friends.

Prepare to go. Have your house as you wish it to be after you leave.
Remember the deep truth: there is no space in God. Everything, in every dimension, is right here, and you are where you think you are within that. You don’t have to fly through the air or travel in any way. Your chosen destination is right where you are, just vibrating more quickly.
Plan to go around 3am, as this is the hour of least human thought forms running around. Ask spirit to wake you. Dress in the clothes you want to arrive in. The chair/bed you are sitting in can go with you (temporarily) if you wish, so your new surroundings at first feel the same.
Have ready an eye mask or blindfold to give you complete control of when you choose to see again, and what you choose to see.
            Beforehand, become as clear as possible on the absolute reality of the place you’re going to. When that’s in place, do your own best preparation: a prayer and/or a declaration such as this:
            “I beloved (your name) now choose to take this body into (name of the place, as specific as you can be) through I Am That I Am. I desire this from my heart, invite it, request all assistance, and accept it completely. I succeed with the help of my beloved friends/I Am. Doing this is simple, easy, natural, rapid, joyful, loving, protected and safe in every way.  (If desired): My body will rejuvenate with the quickening of frequencies. So be it.”
            Next, merge with your I Am Presence as deeply as you can: feel it and be it. Speak any helpful words such as “I Am infinite love, infinite light and consciousness,” etc. See Merge With Your I Am, below, for more.
Merge your chakras with your I Am or open them, one at a time, “to infinity.” A few words of meaning with each chakra: Crown: I Am all that is. Third eye: I know everything everywhere. Throat: I express. Heart: I love all that is. Navel area: I Am power in love.  Womb/abdomen: I Am feminine/masculine as one in creativity. Root: I Am grounded.
            Now is the time to change the frequencies of your body; your goal is to raise them to match those of your destination. Put on your mask. Invite your master friends/I Am to assist you, including your rejuvenation.
Imagine a circling energy going around to the right below your feet. Bring it up around your knees and on up your body. Quicken the spin gradually, seeing your atoms, your chakras and your aura all spinning faster along with it. Do anything that helps, let yourself get excited, spin your hands. “Lighter and lighter, faster and faster, more and more transparent” are words that help me. “Now, whirlwind speed!” may complete it. Check on your progress with your I Am/master.
            When you feel sure your body is at the chosen frequency, place yourself in your chosen destination firmly. Say goodbye to your old life and see it fade out behind you, going way into the distance until it’s the size of a pinpoint.
You have time now, there’s no rush. See your new environment carefully, in detail, all about you. Know you are here. Declare it: “I AM HERE IN ________.” Repeat, be impassioned!
Before you take off your blindfold, feel and listen. There will be differences, perhaps absolute quiet as opposed to ambient sound where you started out, and of course an atmosphere of love and joy. Have things changed? If not, declare that you are in your destination with all the force of your being. You ARE here. KNOW it.
            When you feel ready, take off the blindfold and greet those who are waiting to welcome you. (If you wanted your body to rejuvenate and it didn’t, no problem, it can be easily done there.) If it didn’t work, go back to the drawing board and discover what there is to change. Keep your faith, encourage yourself, be your true friend. You can do it.

May 2nd, 2014: What to say? Though the program looks the same, how it happens has changed as night to day. The difference is love. The human mind, wonderful and useful as it is, is not the way here. What can bridge the mind-made gap between seeming human and being divine is love only, divine love.
            This means letting the heart crack open, like Rumi. It means drowning in the river of love and becoming it. I speak from intellect here; at present I huddle by the door of the small self’s hut, listening to the bright and glorious love river rush by just outside, and tremble.
            Thanks to God I have those around me who love me like the river, whom I love in return. I am not devoid of some knowledge of divine love. I have felt most often like the small self over the divine self; but this now comes to an end.

May 18th: The long-expected notice to vacate my rental home of 16 years finally arrived; I’m out and staying with a friend. I have no desire to form a new home; the old life had been so lacking in vital energy—except for preparing to go—that I’m relieved to give up my physical surroundings. Went over today to collect a last few things, where friends were selling the remaining items, and felt happy! Unusual perhaps that an easy life, with beautiful friends and activities, could be so easily left. Obviously the reason is: left for what?
Yesterday I drove up the mountain to check out my favorite campsite, and it looks doable. When our showers end I’ll go up when snow levels permit.
            Meanwhile, the day before I left home (the 15th) I entered a process that wound up in my ascending, in the etheric, into the retreat. I felt quite different. The key was merging even more deeply with Babaji with the help of a spin including just the two of us. “Become me,” he had advised. I was looking out from both our eyes. I asked him to open my consciousness, and felt it expand into new light. Still I didn’t know I had gotten there completely until they told me afterward. “You went back to Mt. Shasta,” Mafu said, “only because that was your definition of reality.”
            Don’t think I’ve mentioned Mafu. He’s a beautiful master who, like Ramtha, speaks through a woman as a full body channel. His ashram is outside of Ashland, Oregon up in the hills; I’ve been there a few times over the years. From Google: www.foundationformeditativestudies.org/aboutus/about_us.shtm
Mafu, an enlightened Master, has come to remind humanity of its Divine nature and awaken within us the realization that we are the source of love, of power and ...
            Mafu said he would like to have a conversation with me about my process, and Babaji joined us. Mafu suggested that I do everything I’ve been doing to get into the retreat, merge in the same way with Babaji, and when I feel totally ready, renounce the old life as my reality. Affirm passionately that the retreat is now my reality. Breathe its air, feel the love and joy, see its light beneath my mask. I am practicing renouncing words.
            I had been working to make both Mt. Shasta and the retreat real, and then choose one—especially as I could still hear Mt. Shasta sounds, breathe its air etc. Sound should not be a problem in camp, which makes it a lot easier.
            I cannot do my process at my friend’s home; the energy would be too disruptive. The mountain is the place.

May 22nd: Going up to camp tomorrow. Been feeling a lot of weakness of body and fuzziness of mind; I’m told it’s preparation for ascension, a “refining.”

June 5th: OMG. Camping. I was guided to come down to my home base in town to add especially last night and today to the journal.

I’ve ascended several times into the retreat, but not yet been able to stay there by letting it come through my senses. One night Prince and I were there for several hours, and the next day, just as it tires my physical body to come and go, he slept until 2:30 in the afternoon.

Once in sleep I was on my way to waking up in the retreat, when exploded a terrible ruckus! Big feet galloped over the tent. I woke with heart pounding and could not figure out where I was. Turns out an unconscious aspect afraid of changing dimensions created that din out of nothing.

One day doing an intentional process I was so beset by the remaining unconscious aspects that I felt bowed down. Krishna said, “These are all in fear.” I dived passionately into the unconscious and said, “I love you unconditionally, every one of you. We are a great being doing a wonderful thing. There is nothing whatever to fear,” and much more along those lines. For the first time, I didn’t hold up a cross as in vampire tales to keep myself from feeling and loving these things. Evidently this passionate love and the light that shone from it enabled spirit to heal, in four days, every unconscious thing that still needed it. The next time I did a waking process there was nothing—absolutely nothing—from the unconscious. However, I still felt unable to fully get the reality of being in the retreat.

Last night I felt calm and confident, mostly, about going in sleep. I prepared meticulously; this now includes renouncing very strongly the old reality and claiming the new one; also “becoming” both Babaji and Krishna and looking out from their eyes. I lay down to sleep about 10:30 and woke up, in the tent, at midnight. I sat up and lit the lantern to discover what had happened.

At first it seemed quite simple: I just wasn’t able again to get the new reality. I felt I didn’t believe it was real; I felt an “oiliness”, a slyness, that backed off from full commitment. “I have to really mean it,” came the thought. Then I realized I do believe the reality of the retreat and truly expect to get there. So what was going on? I looked deeper.

Suddenly ego reared up—that ego I thought had fully merged into I Am—like a fire-breathing dragon, towering above me. In a huge voice it said, “I AM your reality. I am invincible!” It showed me itself: a mighty tree with roots digging thirty feet into the earth. “This world is the only real place and we are staying here.” I felt like a little boy with a wooden sword, facing this giant beast. “But what about what my heart wants,” I asked it. “What about my purpose?” “I don’t care a bit about your heart or purpose,” it answered. “We are staying here.”
I didn’t know what to do. I felt completely disempowered by this being. I asked Anastasia (from the books, here helping me) for her advice, and she said “Do not do battle with it. Let it have its tiny reality. Change your focus to your great self of love, and go beyond it.” I pushed it way over to my left and made it small. I concentrated on being I Am, but still felt afraid of ego. Babaji said it had been lurking, wanting to stay hidden, and only now had to reveal itself because I was completely ready to go. I realized it was deathly afraid so put on a fierce face. I spoke words of declaration about going beyond it into my true reality, and went back to sleep.

This is the bottom line for each of us. Life and death. Who is our master? Where is our focus, what our belief and knowing of life? I am amazed that after all the “Merging with I Am” I’ve done, feeling and being the great self, there could yet be any question as to where my reality lay; but there was. Ego: the single most vital thing to go beyond. It is of matter, not spirit; self-protection, not love.

This morning I settled in to see what I could do. I saw a couple of things ego had hidden: one, that from my mother’s insecurity and sense of unworthiness she created a powerful ego, and I had taken on some of this. I had entwined my ego around being a spiritual person and teacher. Two, ego had been serving me or I would have earlier gone beyond it. I looked to see what else needed it, and found a child self so fearful that it would not leave my side, wanted me to carry it. Wouldn’t go with Quan Yin. I carried her into Quan Yin’s beautiful meadow, and shortly she hopped down to investigate the flowers and butterflies; we continue there together. I later discovered that this was actually my mother’s child self.
            Knowing that choosing ego or spirit gives the very foundation of life, and that most people spend many lifetimes or at least decades within one life to go beyond ego, I feel daunted in my quest. Should I rent a small place in town and give myself more time? But that is not my guidance. I hear that true facing up to all ego has been to me, and choosing to focus—completely—on truth, I can soon get to where I need to be. I most fervently hope so.

June 9th: Yesterday a transformation so sudden and profound I could scarcely believe it. I was in the middle of another deep healing process and expected the day to be about slogging through stuff. Instead, when I was waking, I heard Babaji say slowly, over and over, “First, be me. First . . . be me.”
            I took this seriously and began to be him. The depth of oneness with him was profound. All personal things fell away. There was nothing to process. Peace enveloped me. It was so deep I couldn’t speak, even to Prince.
            I was an observer as he/I reached out to all the souls planning to be born for the new neuronet, which now number around 1200. A deep enquiry, a deep looking, and the words so slow and ponderous, “Are . . . you . . . ready?” I realized that if this had been in the planning for over a hundred years, many souls would need a wake-up call.
            There was a long wait. Finally, it was determined that all were in readiness.
I took a long walk, or rather Arras, Babaji and I, and felt us reach together to God/Goddess of all. I asked what was wanted of me, and offered myself of service.
            Later in meditation I inwardly heard a song about divine mother, and my I Am Goddess invited me to be her now. This I did, and again we reached up to Mother/Father Goddess/God of all. I remained at peace all through the day. Rama, a companion of many months, came forward and said he was leaving for good, I no longer needed him, and we said a heartfelt farewell. I was told not to prepare for going last night; also that how I go may change yet again.

Today I was shown that I had about a 1% holdout to trusting God absolutely. I meditated with Babaji, my I Am Goddess, and on that wondrous magical photograph of Herakhan Baba when he first came into embodiment, fully abandoned to God and yet God himself.

July 5th, 2014: Ups and downs and all arounds in my camping experience; a number of more times of thinking I was going and didn’t. The reasons were nearly always logical (one was screechingly different), and I always felt and knew the progress continued.
            I sailed into a deep sea change yesterday that has transformed the entire feeling: I committed. To my astonishment I saw that I had never felt worthy enough to commit to myself or anyone else about going. (These were ego issues; I recently completed work on ego.) I didn’t know that to commit, you have to feel worthy. You have to “be somebody.” I hadn’t been able to see that I had always approached going with question marks, as in “Am I really the right one, is this really all right, am I really welcomed?” et cetera. So now, I have committed. I feel like I have “stood up” for the first time, stood up to be counted. It is a very fine feeling.

July 26th: A wonderful late realization has come to me. The long time I have taken to do my part in this great change of life on Earth has allowed some absolutely beautiful additions to the new neuronet. The changes taking place for so many in both their present and past has formed a foundation which can now support a much higher good. In particular, the American president in 1980-’88 (now not Ronald Reagan) will bring such enormous changes for the benefit of our country and the world that Babaji calls it the “turning point” for Earth. There is a four-pronged program. 1) A “Hands Across America” project in which all are encouraged to both give their unique gifts and receive them from others. 2) A program to help the disadvantaged in original and exciting new ways. 3) A “Peace Course” that teaches from K-12 (also offered to adults) the values of kindness, unique greatness and purposes of each individual, and working together as a team for positive results. 4) Anastasia’s teaching of family domains, brought forward much earlier, is made a national cause.

August 23rd: Fifty thousand years ago, I left the me that was with Babaji and made my way to my first 3-D planet. I had made a decision to suffer with humanity there—thinking that would somehow help. Never in all the time since then, when I’ve lived in 3D, have I trusted God. I conveniently forgot that I decided to suffer.

Today I was guided to do a go process, which is back to waking time, inviting Djwal Kuhl to come physically. I’m asked to outline it:
            Declaration and prayer for success
            Feel/be I Am Light, Love etc.
            Feel my oneness with Babaji, including all chakras if guided
            Quicken my body frequencies to 5th dimension
            Invite DK
            Go into the retreat with him

It has become more and more clear that Babaji has been one with my I Am Presence since the beginning of time. My relationship with my I Am alone is nebulous; but with him as  “front runner” it is well defined and powerful. (I think this may be true of many who have a beloved master friend.) We speak back and forth almost as if we were sitting together on a sofa. Recently he said, “We are one. Make maximum use of this.”

I was shown today in the process to be Babaji/I Am as deeply and fully as I could. I saw through his eyes, through his consciousness. I felt his whole body to be mine. I got to the place of welcoming DK, feeling and being Babaji’s love and joy.

Small disruptions were quickly dispatched into the deep mind or to Baba and Quan Yin. Then suddenly, I felt a huge “NOOO” coming from the area of my navel.  It seemed black, and shaped like a cube. (Later I realized it was trying to protect me from trusting God and then being devastated.) I got to take it into the universal, and this we began. It was able to dissolve about 75%. With its dissolution my heart cracked open to God.
I sat there in a fullness of joy I have never known. I knew this is what God I Am has been trying to show me all this time: it truly IS love. It truly IS worthy of utter trust. For the first time in 50,000 years, I had come back home.
I spent the next while hugging everyone—Babaji, my love, my retreat self, DK—in delight to feel the reality of God and life. We dissolved the final 25% of the cube, and that opened even greater joy.

I am in a place of little concern as to when or how I will go. I know I will. I have seen how the progression of things being healed, including the compulsion to clear, has been totally logical and has led to this point. I have never felt so relaxed or confident. All is well.

September 21st, 2014: A transcendent experience such as I’ve never known. Such merging with love for me, a smiling spirit blessing all that I am. I’m basking in the glow of it.
            I was being Babaji deeply, looking out through his eyes. Then, he turned and looked into me so deeply, with such infinite love, that I dissolved in bliss. I related to scenes from Song of Bernadette, where she beholds Mary in the grotto. Later, regaining my bearings in the world, I thought “Jeez, I don’t want to be a saint!”
            But that’s what we each are in essence: a saint.

Service work continues apace (much has not been included here). I was recently shown that the Calvinistic preachers shouting hellfire and damnation to “sinners” of their congregations were, at least in the early settling of America, soulless beings whose purpose was to undermine the spiritual wisdom of people full of hope for new life in a great land. This satanic preaching set a puritanical, intolerant, joyless, loveless ethic for Christianity. It was based upon the belief that one is a sinner judged by a stern God and likely going to hell. These falsehoods are directly opposite the teachings of Jesus, and our country has suffered severely from them. Even today I’ve met people deathly afraid to die because they expect to go to hell, including beautiful mothers who did good works all their lives.
            The call I was asked to make was that for every one of these blasphemers, there would be born at least one great preacher to bring truth, kindness, tolerance, joy and love and overbalance the false teachings. That this would continue throughout America’s history. Many souls volunteered to help, and now—though we may not be aware of it—we will be a kinder, gentler, wiser, happier people.

Looking to see if spirit wants more in this now rare entry to the journal. And yes.
            When I ascended from Egypt about 5800 years ago, I landed in the fifth dimension, finally moving up to the ninth in upper Shambhala. The male masters there came mostly out of an ascetic tradition of celibacy, especially Buddhism, and believed relationships were messy things that lessened their spiritual accomplishment. Though I was lonely, naturally I could have naught to do with a man of such consciousness. But I did stay there, causing a part that demanded a loving relationship to split off.
            Nearly all of us in Shambhala judged the 3-D world, thinking it a dark and nasty place. We are working there more for the universe—myself there had no idea about the new neuronet or what this split-off self was doing—than for Earth.
            In my progress to allow Djwal Kuhl to come to a physical meeting with me, I recently became aware that I wouldn’t let him “land” because I held this same thought about Earth. I felt adamant that he not sully himself by coming here.
            To clear this, I was taken to my old ascended self in Shambhala, who consented to a meeting. Babaji led, and I felt a fluttering from her. She realized that the judgment upon Earth and her people was not of God consciousness, and changed on the spot (most of Shambhala followed). More than that, she/I was mystically, magically, magnetically drawn to Babaji. We had left him around 50,000 years earlier to try a different (and very difficult) path, and had never reconnected. She knew she loved him, that he loved her. After the meeting he stayed with her, and love was reborn!
            The Shambhala self had been alone the whole 5800 years. This me split off after 300 years.  I landed in Arcturus and became a temple designer, where I quickly met Arras. This was important, because he was the one to accompany me physically into chosen Earth forays, including now the new neuronet, and Babaji was not.
            Babaji and my Shambhala self took their relationship back into the past, just after Arras and I got together, to begin their love. I could feel the joy and warmth radiating all the way from here.
            Not long after this change, St. Germain came with a surprising message. He said the Babaji/Joanna love is so wondrous that for more than 5,000 years it has lit up the fifth through the ninth dimensions. And especially because Babaji is so universally known and revered, it helped male masters know that love and relationship with a beautiful female master— far from bringing one down—warms life and heart, brings personal happiness and fulfillment, and magnifies the couple’s service to all life. St. Germain said that about a hundred master couples had formed from the inspiration of our love, and that this world was significantly happier and more enlightened because of it. My need to dispel judgment of Earth manifested the love, and he thanked me.
            The reason Babaji wanted me to include this today is that there remains strong judgment of relationship from ascetic traditions, and this judgment is best now released. Relationship is a reflection of divine male/female love (including for gay couples) and deserves high honor, one’s best loving energy, and perseverance.

November 7th , 2014: Equality in sexuality for female and male: guided to bring this a few days ago wholly into my reality. Though making love with Arras is always a joy, I had retained from my history a fear of penetration as forcing or dominant. In Arras’ nature there is not an iota of support for this.
            We created a lovemaking session in which I led our union, clearly feeling our equality and love. A sitting position was key to it. We both feel wonderful with the results, which are radiating into all ways of loving.

Greater openness to love and vulnerability led directly to fear and rage about Korea, which had been laid to rest. It seems I did heal it completely with spirit, but didn’t believe it could be permanent. Tears flowed and flowed.
I approached my eleven-year-old girl again, in the original life when she was first sold to the brothel. I did my best to explain that we had chosen this time, and what our course would be for the next six years. I invited her to be as loving as she could to herself, to the other girls, and even to the men. She met Babaji. We told her we would be with her every moment of every day and night, loving and embracing her—including during sex—and always available to talk with her and help her.
            The following morning, after her first night of business, we met again. She said, “I can’t stand this.” She said it as never before: she WOULD NOT have it. We said, “OKAY!” With her permission and choice we immediately gave her a disease, clearly marking her skin, that could wipe out the whole brothel. She was thrown out of the building and died a couple of days later, joining us immediately and so happy.

We had helped many aspects of this child, but she had never been able to feel other than a victim until we took her out of the brothel. What made the difference? I felt and saw: never before was I in my I Am Presence as when we spoke this time. Knowing what this former I faced, I was not even slightly in victimhood. She felt the strength of I Am and took it into herself.
            For the very first time, this life felt obliterated. For the very first time, this eleven-year-old raised her head above the ceiling labeled “no choice” and said, “I will not.” Enslaved young maid became goddess.

Yes, the time has drawn out further. I had realized that divine order and timing were imbuing the entire process. Hopelessness, despair, the occasional devastated feelings are things of the past. I have been in enormously greater relaxation and trust and happiness, day by day, than when I began.
Two recent discoveries took me into even greater truth, discoveries which may assist anyone doing inner clearing.
            One answered this question: how could it be, when spirit itself saw nothing more to do on a particular issue, there was more? The answer is harmonious with the workings of spirit. When leading a session with someone, if they were not ready to know about a difficulty I wasn’t allowed to see it. I Am/Babaji is all, but if I am not ready to see a deep block Babaji does not allow himself to see it or even know about it.
            The other is that I always assumed when new egoic aspects came up, such as recently from three past lives, my own ego had kept them hidden from me (even though I had experienced the dissolution of ego). But this is not the case. Since childhood I have felt in the depths of my being a beneficent director of my life. Each of us has this—it is our I Am. When clearing our past, especially when it’s a gnarly one, our I Am protects us from knowing too much too soon for our good. I recalled a Meher Baba book called Masts, about people who—because of prayer, karma or other reason—wake up instantly and fully to God, but then become useless for earthly life. Many would sit upon their own feces beside the road and do nothing else. In Western society we would call them insane. (Meher Baba was able to help many of them.) Though that’s a far-fetched possibility for most of us, the principle still applies. Only when we are ready to face something, when it’s best for us, does our I Am release it to our conscious mind. For me it wasn’t ego holding me back, it was I Am in total love helping itself move into God consciousness in the best possible way.
            What a sigh of joyous relief and understanding these two discoveries have brought me!

Here is most of a letter I sent this day.
Dear friends of my heart,

A most happy and blessed 2015 to each of you!

To those of you I haven’t kept close contact with over the past year or so, I would like to apologize. My letter will I hope partially make up for this lapse.

As you may remember, a little over three and a half years ago I was guided by spirit to see about going into a St. Germain fifth-dimensional retreat, the Cave of Symbols, inside a mountain near Centennial, Wyoming. (Godfré Ray King writes of his experiences there in the “green book” The Magic Presence.) Though this possibility had not occurred to me, I feared I was being fooled or fooling myself, and grew watchful. But spirit (strongest contact, Babaji) has been guiding my life perfectly for four decades, and this guidance passed every test I could throw at it. I came to accept its reality.

The purpose, as it turns out, is not only for my own enlightenment/ascension but is also involved in a time line change for the world. I understand there have been more than a dozen of these over the millennia.

I have worked with I would call a “driven” diligence to get this done. I had no idea how much I still needed to clear (after working for decades), but it seems in thousands of years of forgetting divinity I chose some deep suffering that had only partly healed. I was often told “you are ready;” then my effort to go uncovered the next level of clearing. I griped a lot about this, but was shown that only if you are perched at the end of the diving board, ready to plunge, do you invite the greatest next change in consciousness until going arrives. In perfect 20/20 hindsight it looks something like a fool’s errand, but I have learned a deep and valuable lesson. And to be fair to spirit, I could have gone before now; it has been my deep insistence that nothing be left out that has kept me so long.

My experience has been like trying to leap onto a platform that was not yet supported by an adequate foundation. With each effort, the foundation became a little stronger; the shifting sands are turning gradually to solid rock. But discouragement has been a frequent visitor; despair and hopelessness here and there. Always I’ve returned, as it was all I felt in me to do.  At present I am facing perhaps my deepest and oldest fear, mistrust of the power of God; disbelief that this power and love are actually one and indivisible. Babaji tells me I’ve just scratched the surface on Goddess/God’s/his own/my I Am love—eternal, infinite, unconditional and “fervent”—so I am diving as deep as I can. As I’ve gone along, more and more help has come from various beautiful masters; my gratitude for this knows no bounds.

The intensity of my inner life has been pretty extreme, though I certainly continue to enjoy (and need) outings/movies/meals with wonderful local friends. This intensity has not been conducive to normal contact with far-flung beloveds, so I ask your understanding. 

I feel extremely close to going, and I have felt this way for quite some time. Still, as we walk step by step toward a goal, we are closer every day. I’ve learned (finally) to take and accept each day as perfect—as it is—and I am happy.

I am presently renting the master bed/bath suite from a lovely woman who has 12 acres and takes loving care of seven horses outside of Edgewood, about 13 miles north of Mt. Shasta. The energy is quiet and clean. We are on similar paths and support one another, and it’s the perfect right place to be; I am grateful for it. I often help scoop the manure, quite a lively contrast to my inner efforts! In the hills across the road are two trails winding into deep nature, filling this need in my life. At 74, my health, energy and strength are excellent.

I have kept a journal, now the size of a small book, of the most vital movements of the journey. Dawn will send this out when I go; if you read it or not I have no attachment.  The journal will be available only while I’m in the retreat, about a month. I’ll then return to 3-D life, but differently in the new time line.

Email is the most harmonious way for me to be in contact, except for imminent plans. Each day is different, I meditate at any hour; so I ask your patience if you are more of a phone person. My new mailing address is c/o Fazende, PO Box 443, Mt. Shasta, CA 96067. Meanwhile, please know that I love you and know you love me. After one’s divinity, friends are the most precious part of life.

Love always,

A Truth About Making Love

Arras’ and my love and loving, and working with others who have misconceived the wholeness and naturalness of love and sexuality, brought guidance to add this section. Truth is relative to a certain point; I’ve done my best to tune in to universal truth for this, but any disagreement is of course perfect.

I Am fine and on course to go.

Those who have worked to undermine humanity have done a good job convincing us—often in the form of priests and spiritual leaders—that sexual love is a lesser expression of life. False teachers knew the awesome power of two loving people expanding divine love and wisdom and light in their lives and the lives of others by sharing true love, sexually. They hastened to condemn it.

Many spiritually oriented people have come to judge sex, associating abstinence with wisdom, purity, higher frequency, greater light. Unhealed fears about sex tend to reinforce this judgment. Listening to judgment is not listening to God. If lovemaking is allowed to be the joyful, innocent, deep sharing it naturally is, it actually enhances higher aspirations. It becomes the personal loving core, the beautiful goodness from which flows service to family, community, life.

Judgment is also behind allowing sex only to have children. How much unexpressed love between couples this practice leaves out! Our bodies are divine too, and it’s of divine will to love them and invite them to give and receive love as an uplifting, warm, exciting and happy part of life. Many a loving couple married fifty years is wiser than all this hoopla.

This is not to say sex hasn’t been misused; sex minus love is a much lesser experience. When someone doesn’t feel loved or loving, he may turn to pleasure for pleasure’s sake, with little care whom the partner may be. Forgetting our divine nature has bred prostitution and all the ills of sexual slavery. Most of us have experienced this or abuse or rape in a past or present life, so there is a tsunami of fear to heal around sex, usually in the subconscious. Many forgo sexual relationship altogether because of it, or abstain for a long time (I was celibate for twenty years). Some have healed themselves through spirit, thus helping the rest. More is rapidly being accomplished. Nearly all abusive activity still on Earth is karmic, and that is coming to an end.

As we live in a plane of duality, expressing as man or woman gives us the chance to explore the opposite polarity and delight in it. Who is this precious woman? Can I see her as she really is, a goddess? Who is this precious man? Can I see him as a god? How may I be worthy of a divine love? How do we differ? How may I please my beloved? If I began to take us for granted, shall I see us today with new eyes? Shall I invite new feelings, new thought, new creativity? How courageous am I to go to the depths of being with him or her? How may I help her or him heal? How may we harmonize our differences and create a loving, joyful, forgiving, supportive—even heavenly—relationship?

Nearly all the great beings I know of share deepest, eternal love with one of opposite polarity. St. Germain, Jesus, Babaji, most ascended masters, the archangels, the Hindu gods and goddesses, the lords of the seven rays, the heads of the elements, all these are in sacred relationship. Our I Am Presence is a goddess/god in ecstatic union with itself. It is the natural way.

Let us love and honor where we are. Abstinence can be right at times. Love blossoms as fear and judgment dissolve. Good relationships may begin with learning how to be a true friend and have a true friend.

Restoring ourselves to our divine nature is what we are doing. Our true self guides us along. Flowing with love, with the Tao, takes us always to our next right place. If it takes us to a deep, beautiful, loving sexual relationship, this life or another, wonderful!

Here’s to divine love, divinely expressed by a couple as loving sexuality!

April 19th, 2015: Up on the hill near my present place, three days ago, I worked to help myself go into the retreat. But some issue again blocked the way. I gave up, and a deep sorrow welled up and took over. I walked around on the hill and cried. Over and over came the thought, “I don’t know how to do this. I just don’t know how to do this.” I’d been working so hard, for four years, and it seemed to come to naught. I felt something very deep give way. Suddenly I knew, to the depths of being, that giving it completely to God was the only thing I could do. Surrender. Though I had not truly believed in it or felt worthy of it, this was to be surrender into the LOVE of God for (and as) this being and life—a love so exquisite, so absolute and eternal, it takes your breath.

Thus ended my old, mind-way of working. Perfect for its time, mind cleared tons of obstacles and was indeed spirit-guided. But mind is a divider, a shredder, connected closely with ego. I saw with total clarity that mind effort would not lead to the completion of my guidance. (However, it did lead to the surrender that does complete it.) Mind, as one of my helping masters told me tonight, is a “separator from God. The only way to do this is in God and as God.”

Something unexpected: in giving way, beginning my surrender and committing to it, I felt relief from God. A sigh, saying “Finally you are allowing me to do this for you.” I write this, but God changes “for you” to “as you.”

Like a babe in the woods, yet with a strange sense of confidence for this new path, I am plunging into surrender. Questions galore arise and are beautifully and wisely answered. I remember Ramtha’s teaching: after the caterpillar weaves its cocoon, its body dissolves completely. No remnant of caterpillar remains, only a green-black goo. The only thought is butterfly—so a butterfly emerges. So with me, going into a surrender meditation, I learn to dissolve all my past and be—surrendered with and as God—only in the retreat.

I understand that because of the difficulties of my past, no one working directly to ascend has worked harder or taken longer than I—a dubious distinction! But when you give over to God, somehow that dissolves every hindrance and brings you through.

December 1st, 2015: Four and a half years now and counting. I am holding what Ramtha calls the “long thought.” The way I am spending my time is the very best for me. I am continually amazed at the thousands of inner changes moving someone from a forgotten god to a realized god. Each of us will do this, is doing it or has done it.

A wondrous development is that over 17,000 people are going to be born—now beginning in 1930, ten years earlier—to support the time change for a better world. About a hundred more join every day. A large reason for increased participation is that fourth-dimensional wisdom schools have sprung up over many parts of the world to assist this effort, and people are taking classes to prepare themselves. Many have invited friends to join them. About 1700 attend the English-speaking school; Arras and I are teachers there. If you’re interested in checking out a school, ask your I Am to take you there in sleep. You probably won’t remember your visits, yet—along with what you are already learning while you sleep—it will assist you to change your human life.
The time change will improve some areas beginning hundreds of years ago, particularly the honoring of women and children. We’ve been able to prevent some wars, change the leadership of many countries including the U.S., greatly improve the environment—and all because people are now waking up so quickly that we can “send back” the current enlightenment to the oneness of time that is our past. Such a joyful and amazing truth!

My own work continues to reach new depths. I do understand that it is my strong, undeniable choice to align virtually all of my consciousness with ascension. This is a long path but a noble one, I hear, and works for me. On the way, clearing helps everybody, and I have made many calls by request of the masters so they can improve our life here.
            I have honored my revelation to no longer work through mind, but directly through spirit. I didn’t realize that so much of what I’m doing had “spin” on it, a whirlwind of confusion around many thoughts. When I get clear enough on a particular thought, all settles down. Grounding, clarity, simplicity, reality have increased almost daily.
Just now I’ve discovered that my ability to know all this is real, and accept the goodness of the experience, is directly tied to feeling I am truly lovable and totally loved and supported. I believe when we choose to do something great, feeling—and trusting— divine love to the depths of heart, mind and body is a vital touchstone.

So my current effort is to know and feel and embrace that I am infinitely lovable and loved and supported, right here now and for eternity, and that I Am That which loves myself. And, to wed power with love. Easy to say! If we had to know something only intellectually, enlightenment would be a piece of cake.
My way of going has morphed a lot over time. As it now stands we have broken it down into two processes: first a meeting between myself of the retreat and this 3-D me, and second—either at the same time or later—the actual going of this body into the retreat. To meet, we have given our all a number of times, but I had remaining issues with allowing my retreat self to appear physically. This one event used to have a tornado-like whirlwind of confusion around it, but it’s calmed down quite a bit.

Earlier, we were going to meet on the third dimension. This necessitated a 20-minute unification with people inwardly, 12 miles in every direction, to prepare them for the event; also putting a buffer over the freeway a mile away. Now, because of my own changes in frequency, it has become easier for me to meet on the fourth dimension. Thus my retreat self will slow frequencies, and I will speed mine, to the fourth. This is so much gentler for the surrounding people that no unification is necessary.

When this I feels ready, my Cave of Symbols I and Arras and Babaji will come from the retreat in fifth-dimensional form. After the arrival of the three of them, we can immediately begin the adjustments into fourth, and when I am ready the retreat Joanna will appear (Babaji and Arras will remain invisible to me). Such a joyous reunion this will be!

For the going, when that feels ready, Babaji has advised that I put on my eye covering and focus purely on him, to keep from being distracted by sensations I am not used to. The four of us (two unseen) will embrace together and it will take about two minutes to arrive.
If you are wondering exactly how to speed up or slow down your frequencies, as taught me by spirit, see the ascension articles on my website, AscensionMastery.com/Articles.

December 4th, 2015: Babaji used to say to me, “Be me (be Babaji).” He’s now begun to say, “Be the divine you. No need to reference myself or Adi Shakti.” In the retreat, this is how I am. For the first time yesterday, here, I felt myself open my eyes as the goddess.


Babaji, St. Germain, my love Arras, Godfré Ray King, Quan Yin, Djwal Kuhl, Yogananda, Ganesha, Rama Tirtha, Jesus, Krishna, Ramtha, and other masters, have all been of enormous help. I couldn’t have done this without them. My eternal and deepest gratitude to all.


Merge with Your I Am and Bless the World(s)
Below is my own wording of part of a St. Germain prayer/decree at the end of The Magic Presence. I’ve been saying it often, changing it as I go, stopping to feel each thought. I hope it may serve you well. The “secret love star” he tells me is a three-dimensional merkaba of diamond light. I perceive it as supporting each of us, in our chosen being and action, with unconditional love and outrageous joy. Finally, to see the world as we would love it to be HERE AND NOW is to help it manifest as quickly as possible.

As a divine being of I Am infinite love and light, life and possibility
Among divine beings of I Am infinite love and light, life and possibility
I call unto the great I Am
To assist each of us to fulfill our deepest heart’s desire
To feel, know, be, live, think, speak and act I Am That I Am.

I listen only to the sound of love’s voice—all sound—
That all hear the song of joy.
I gaze only upon love’s light—all I see—
That the flame from the seven Elohim
May blaze upon my forehead.

As I approach my inner temple to goddess/god
The doors spring open in eternal love and welcome
And I pass through
Here into the holy of holies,
And come face to face with my true self, my real identity
Beloved Goddess/God Presence I Am
In ecstatic union with Itself
Loving me Itself with unconditional, eternal love.
I move forward, and merge with it
And be it:
Infinite love and light throughout creation
Through all dimensions
I Am joy, freedom, and peace
I Am all knowing and wisdom
I Am Infinite power to act in love
For the highest good of all.
I Am all time in this moment: future, present and past,
All changing.
I Am all space, all galaxies, black holes, stars, solar systems, planets and moons
Right here
One with all that is and loving all that I Am.

I picture myself as a galaxy,
Loose and free, faceless, nameless
Lots of space between my stars
The effortless order of God, Life, Love
Including chaos.
I am all that my I Am God/dess is naturally,
Here now and always
Because I am my I Am,
Here as this human life on Earth.
So be it.

I invite my I Am glory to pour through me
That mine is the scepter of divine love power supreme.
I call unto the great I Am to weave for me from its rays
My eternal garment of transcendent loveliness.

I invite I Am That I Am
To expand within my heart the jewel of the sacred fire of love
For all things, all life and all people
For trees and forests, animals and sea creatures,
Birds, butterflies, bees and flowers
The mineral kingdom
The elemental kingdom
The angelic kingdom and all other kingdoms here
All waters, earth, air and fire
And all beings in creation.

I think and speak only the decree of love
That perfection may express everywhere in this world and every world.
Humanity in conscious oneness with I Am
Creates a loving, kind world
Free, happy, peaceful and easy
Generous and giving
Abundant in highest and happiest good for every being
Each person valuing all equally as the precious I Am
Whatever the race, sex, religion, nationality, appearance, or age
Seeing only our divine oneness.
A humanity-enlightened world, divine love and light filled,
With immortal people of love and beauty.
Spiritually governed
Environmentally restored to pristine purity and joy,
Where each person comes from I Am
To expand the goodness, love, beauty, light and joy
Of life on Earth, and every world, every day.
I send this vision out as a cosmic blessing.
Blessings to all!

I received guidance about three years ago to prepare to go into the “Cave of Symbols,” a St. Germain-created retreat on the fifth dimension. It’s located in Wyoming; I think the nearest town is Centennial (west of Jasper). It’s written about in chapters I and III in the “green book” The Magic Presence by Godré Ray King, from St. Germain Press. Some ascended masters live and serve there, and physical people when they’re ready (and it’s right for them) go in for expanded learning and to take the next steps in life.

I prepared diligently for this experience, and boy did I have a lot to change:
            learn to trust life as love and perfection, highest good for all in every moment, on my emotional level, to the deepest depths of my being
            know life IS wonderful enough for me to do this
            know I can actually have what my heart most desires
get over resistance to and fear of authority
let go of:
            belief that I can’t and never will do it,  I’ll try but not do
perfectionism: I’ll never be good enough to do it
fear of change
            fear of being different
            abandonment issues
            feeling small and apart; feel one with my I Am
            feeling unworthy, undeserving, guilty
            clear beliefs that life cannot really be free and happy
            ground the reality of this into my lower chakras and the earth
            let go insistence that 3-D is the only reality and allow the dimensions to mix
            allow my small self to surrender to and dissolve into divine love

I continued of course to live normally, have fun with friends, and enjoy my remaining “old” life. But I worked determinedly most days and experienced many thousands of changes impossible (and undesirable) to enumerate in a journal. I usually did the “Merge with Your I Am” meditation, changing it through time (the final version is above). I was shown that my 2005 guidance to create a new neuronet is what this journey is actually about Joined by about a thousand others, the world will be greatly changed beginning about 1940.
Along the way I no longer had the need to eat and let go of 30 pounds, which stayed off. When I completed healing with men a lost love from 5500 years ago came back to me and will join me in the retreat and in the following new neuronet life. My two closest friends now passed will be joining us, and finally one other couple. I restored my DNA; I participated in a universal creation with Babaji; I erased certain akashic records; I learned a rejuvenating breath. I was shown our experiences in the retreat. Part, finally all, of my ego merged with I Am.
A late learning is that my preparation time, drawn out, was positively used. More and more are changing both their present and past, so there is now readiness for a more wonderful new neuronet than was originally seen. Also about two hundred more joined it.
            Finally, finally, though it happened differently from what I expected, my quest was successful. And all these “I” and “mys” are really the WE of spirit I Am, Babaji, Quan Yin, St. Germain, DK and the beautiful many who have been helping me with such love, encouragement, and wisdom. My eternal, heartfelt gratitude to each.

Arras and I will stay in the retreat a month to six weeks, then will return to 3-D in Mt. Shasta in our new life.

Greatest blessings to you in your realization of I Am!
Love, Joanna

Books to Light Up the Path

The first two “green books” of the St. Germain Press, Unveiled Mysteries and The Magic Presence, by Godfré Ray King. True and wondrously inspiring accounts.

Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda. One of the greatest; how I re-met Babaji.

Life and Teaching of the Masters of the Far East (five volume set), by Baird Spalding. I’ve thought if I were on a desert island with only one read, it would be this.

The Gnosis and the Law, by Telis Papastavro. Human history on Earth, channeled from ascended masters and angels.

Brother of the Third Degree, by Will L. Garver. Part fiction, mostly real. Good!

Living with the Himalayan Masters by Swami Rama. Lovely personal stories of a beautiful master.

Le Comte de St. Germain by Isabel Cooper-Oakley. Convincing proof of this great ascended master’s time in Europe, unaging, miracle working, from 1700 to 1822.

Ye Are Gods by Annalee Skarin. An American ascended master. Love, praise, and gratitude!

God Speaks, by Meher Baba. One of the greatest masters.

Hariakhan Baba: Known, Unknown by Baba Hari Dass. I call him Herakhan Baba; he’s an incarnation of the mahavatar Babaji.

The Ringing Cedars series by Vladimir Megré. One of the most thrilling and inspiring true accounts I have ever read.

A Course in Miracles. Truth in unusual form.

Tibet’s Great Yogi Milarepa by Walter Evans-Wentz. One of my personal favorite masters, a great story full of drama.

The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment by Thaddeus Golas. So short, so sweet!

Ramakrishna and his Disciples by Christopher Isherwood (and other books about Ramakrishna)

The Baghavad Gita, various translations. Krishna’s words to a reluctant Arjuna before the climactic battle of the Indian epic Mahabharata.

I Am That by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. Those of this ilk, who know that there is nothing to do but be who we really are (Krishnamurti was also one), had very little past to clear.

Sons of God by Christine Mercie. A most inspiring account.

The Diamond Sutra and the Sutra of Hui Neng, translated by Price, A.F. and Wong, Mou-Lam. Priceless.

Buddha’s Lions: The Lives of the Eighty-Four Siddhas, translated by James B. Robinson. Short bios of regular people, some women included, becoming enlightened; some even ascend.

Brotherhood of Mt. Shasta by Eugene E. Thomas. I believe this is a true account.

Ramtha: An Introduction by Steven Lee Weinberg.  Don’t agree with everything from Ramtha, nevertheless a beautiful master well worth tuning in to.

Mystics, Masters, Saints and Sages by Robert and Judyth Ullman. Experiences of different types of enlightenment, quite helpful.

Raised from the Dead by Father Albert J. Hebert. Heavy Catholic dogma, but wonderful true accounts.

Human Levitation: A True History and How-To Guide by Preston Dennett. Thorough research, entertaining presentation, and you end up knowing you can do it.

HPB: The Extraordinary Life and Influence of Helena Blavatsky, Founder of the Modern Theosophical Movement by Sylvia Cranston. A fascinating story.

Download free e-books by my friend Jasmuheen (www.jasmuheen.com) on breatharianism and its huge benefits to life. The only thing not recommended is the 21-day process for going totally off food that she taught in her early days; it’s too harsh.

The Compassionate Touch of Ma Anandamayee by Narayan Chaudhuri (or any book about Ananda Mayi Ma).  Folks don’t get any higher than this.

Moving with Change: A Woman’s Re-Integration of the I Ching by Rowena Patee. Very helpful to me when I’ve reached places of energetic impasse or confusion.

Serpent of Light by Drunvalo Melchizedek. How Earth’s kundalini moved, serpent-like, from Tibet to the Andes for the 26,000 year astrological cycle we have just entered; plus qualities of this cycle.

Can’t find my book on Ramana Maharshi, any bio of him should be fine. Also bios of any fully enlightened beings.

I highly recommend the book Unplugging the Patriarchy by Lucia René. She and others have done magnificent work to dissolve lines of force and psychic activity that were keeping patriarchal structures in place. Her teacher Rama, alias Dr. Fred Lenz, who taught in LA and other cities beginning in 1981, was one of the true teachers on the planet. He passed in 1998. I’ve been assisting his work, geared mostly to empowering women and ending the arrogance and greed that may still manifest with powerful men. Anyone who hears the inner voice can help. Site: http://www.ramameditationsociety.org/.







Copyright © Joanna Cherry, 2013

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Joanna Cherry ・Ascension Mastery International ・P.O. Box 1018 ・Mount Shasta, California 96067 USA
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